Hard to believe it's been 3 years since we forgot Michael Jackson was a kid fucker.

Follow @youranonnews ... if you don't mind having FBI file. #FF

People who say pot is not ok to use simply because a law tells them so need to remember slavery was once okay by that thinking.

Santorum would definitely bottom for Romney because every catcher needs a Mitt.

Rejected names for STDs.
1.Hoof in Ass Disease
2.Friendly Fire
3.The Gigglesnorts
4.Cumbaya
5.Cuntstantinoppus
6.The OWs
#McTotD @mcsquealio

10 songs better than Gotye's with same name.
1. Somebody That I Used to Know by Elliott Smith.

I'll finish this later.

Comparing Katt Williams to Michael Richards is like comparing a racist, washed-up comedian to a guy who was on Seinfeld. #tweetthejoke

Just like to point out once more if you are laughing and not re-tweeting, its like stealing

.@govmarkdayton No more tax on that thing that makes 8 months of snow more tolerable. #StopMNDrinkTax

Ladies, if you want to make your diamond ring look bigger, simply shave around it.

#RNC2012 Has anybody else pointed out that Ryan has Michele Bachmann crazy eyes?

I can't 'Yes And' this anymore.
-Overheard Improvised Breakup

McRib is back. And intestines. And scalded pig skin. And yoga mat materials. For a limited time.

Why the hell aren't you drinking that water?! Drink it! ARGHHH! STUPID ASS HORSE! WASTE MY TIME!
-The Horse Screamer

Part of me thinks it would be nice to be in love again. Another part of me thinks eggs, bacon, pineapple,mayo & pizza go together. I'm nuts.

Babe. Pig in the City. Done. #WhoWouldYouRoast

Danish-Americans are every bit as American as Dutch Apple Pie.

*holds bowl of pourage up* I'd like some more re-tweets, sir.

I feel sorry for all the Spanish speakers in the US who refuse to learn English. They must think we really hate soup here. #StopSOPA

Asexuals have vagueinas.