How racist are you on a scale of Not Racist to McDonalds Commercial?

I don't have a narcissistic bone in my smoking hot body

I hope I don't get mad today, I've got a squeaky shoe and won't be taken seriously as I storm off

If I was Batman I'd be all 'fuck y'all niggas, I'm batman' and then I'd do a backflip or some shit and you'd be all 'I fuckin hate that guy'

Listen. Its you're own fault if you wreck yourself without first checking yourself. Sorry.

is this a dating site for sociopaths?

The less letters a girl uses in her texts, the madder she is at you.

My sleeping position looks like I just fell out of a building.

Just farted so hard my back cracked and I got light headed. Did I have a stroke?

If youre driving the speed limit I'm calling the authorities because obviously youre harboring fugitives, drugs, guns and illegal immigrants

Working on my (throwing rocks at) people skills.

Girls, if he calls his barber his "stylist", I've got bad news for you.

Hiroshima there a shima everywhere a shima shima

You had me at "hi, I'm a girl"

Fuck you, people who pronounce it "ahn-velope"

Most tweets are just Mad Libs about verbing things because noun

No thanks meth, I prefer to ruin my teeth with a three pound bag of laffy taffy like an adult.

Is LMFAO done yet? I hope LMFAO is done.

How old does somebody have to be before you can call them a cunt? Please say 2.

If that Mexican drug cartel that cuts people up isn't called the Insane Brown Posse, then why are we even paying attention to them.