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Now @thespouse is reading Trump's Twitter meltown as a Shakespearean monologue. USA! USA!
If Nate Silver isn't getting laid tonight there is no justice in this world.
We sold our two cheapest, junkiest ukuleles this weekend. Feeling very ambivalent about it. It's like selling your two stupidest children.
Swedish has no real word for "sandwich." I must stop learning this heathen language.
The hardest thing about cleaning is being honest with myself about magazine back issues.
Her name is Kristen and she dances in her chair/Her boss is out of town, that's why she is not scared.
In fact, regardless of how I die, that's what I want on my tombstone: "Here lies Kristen. The wolves got her."
Under the right circumstances (full cup, white shirt) the little tab on the lid of a to-go coffee cup can become a little coffee catapult.
There is only one person whose opinion on pigs in lipstick I want to hear, and that person is Frank Oz.
The coffee machine at my new workplace is both larger and smarter than I am.
In celebration of finishing our taxes, we are killing the fatted Indian restaurant.
Just thought, "Oh, I should change my Twitter location since I've moved." Then remembered that my location is listed as "beyond Thunderdome"
To the woman who gave me her seat when I was about to faint on the N train: you are my hero and I like your hair.
Tonight, 21 months into my marriage, marked the first official baby insinuation by my parents. Proud of them for making it so long.
The smartass that I married just came home and exclaimed, "What did you do with all my dust?!"
Up and out the door at 8 a.m. after 11 hours of sleep. Please don't do the math.
Immune to endorphins. Impervious to ice cream headaches.
