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  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    Women are only terrible at parking because we're constantly being lied to about what 9 inches is

    • 857
    • FAVS
    7thBuffalobeardwaldrepressprepressLAX2LGAbonniejeannetxlucy_nyholm123Social_Mimemrmacmoo
    • 522
    • RETWEETS
    7thBuffalobeardwaldrepressprepressSocial_MimeEllyMyia97GSHOK9Michelle_9693mannequin_talks
    chopper4jkCarmel_ColemanImprobableEddie
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    Meth: Because hillbillies doing chemistry is always a good call.

    • 557
    • FAVS
    78GriffinChloeO_H__focks_in_soxLivsey1Social_Mimeestee3213AamirMemon86speedyarrow73
    • 272
    • RETWEETS
    MarilynLynchKevinWright196878GriffinERN_MalleyscrubTheQuietRightCrazzzyKencal_francisLivsey1
    skullpuppy11StephPedalDown
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    Why would a guy want to date a super skinny chick? Wouldn't it be like fucking a bag of elbows?

    • 328
    • FAVS
    whereami18billdoliciousDriftRobertsindulgentgeekVisitor_11uncybillizedAamirMemon86Bigskoolriting
    • 108
    • RETWEETS
    uncybillizedMichelle_9693EternalSikhnifusedudehirojesusJackiee_xoxvlowgoescheesieman2
    DaHess1__fastmofobansheeAlbertaChris
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    "Worst case scenario, we both die. But that's going to happen eventually anyway." -Me trying to convince my friends to do stuff with me

    • 254
    • FAVS
    AmonkarMohakbpubkratosfrostbiteurgeekisshowingGSHOK9Michelle_9693gibbetCanwellAmy
    • 95
    • RETWEETS
    leolioness0486_jccnyg99urgeekisshowingGSHOK9Favstar250Michelle_9693Bigskoolritingkelreadman
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    Ugh, Mom he's not a drug dealer. He's more of a drug farmer. Relax.

    • 217
    • FAVS
    violet_heartinthatcarlygirlemily5390CVTBabybatsflywestMythicalCrystalCubanaMama82rndhouse
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    mIIIIttabatsflywestMythicalCrystalSoulYodelerMichelle_9693BigskoolritingWebbPaganfingerfusedude
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    This strip club smells like broken dreams, teenage pregnancy, and daddy issues

    • 212
    • FAVS
    GSHOK9fusedudeDiazHermannormmynormStephenBCramerlolwhatevenPeteypops13hirojesus
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    Michelle_9693fusedudehirojesusnormmynormPeteypops13rodneyt2tkhan74AlongCameAnja
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    If you see a chick with dreads it's a flat out guarantee the carpet matches the drapes.

    • 202
    • FAVS
    Tee3oneBiddleRidleyNoMrcyNDg_buggcrispsignsdeviantstrangerRusttyIsMyNameTrudell_Son
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    NoMrcyNDcrispsignsdeviantstrangeriGreenMonkurgeekisshowingGSHOK9Michelle_9693Bigskoolriting
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    I say "Wow! That is a great goatee" and they get all pissed off. Just take the fucking compliment lady! Christ!

    • 192
    • FAVS
    BiddleRidleyMichelle_9693Donnie_FairburnfusedudeStephenBCramerTheAlexNevilhirojesusNJFreudian
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    Michelle_9693BigskoolritingfusedudeTheAlexNevilRobbySpankmeozzyunc__KimKardFetusnezror
    Werbo1937________
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    Drunk me knows sober me is kind of bitchy so drunk me texts stupid shit then deletes the inbox so sober me has no proof drunk me is retarded

    • 169
    • FAVS
    returns2tweetfusedudeStephenBCramerKimKardFetusHashtagHawkinsangelizajYungBeetusOverMediKated
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    fuseduderlkraleygearmandoChipKellysBallsSassyjan6871angiehyaJamesry21rebuzmas
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    Axe for Women. For those days when you just want to smell like feral cat piss

    • 153
    • FAVS
    fusedudeStephenBCramerChipKellysBallsBlondiethegoodopenchakraTheButchJonesCoolCamel69ZedRebel
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeTheButchJonesZedRebelMargirliamPS_IRuddYouJTppManFGsPlayThingAmpersandInterB
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    For like 3 months I only had 30 followers on Twitter and a couple RT's in the last 10 days quadrupled that. Keep RTing the little guys :)

    • 133
    • FAVS
    estee3213IDGAF_vickiyfusedudeStephenBCramerThe_GetawayGirlvlowgoesChipKellysBallsMikeLonghelt
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudevlowgoesTheButchJonesHelmdawgEPS_IRuddYoukmartin532_kimColt_SeethersFGsPlayThing
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    That dude was NOT excited that I ended the date with a fist bump and a "good game, bro".

    • 125
    • FAVS
    A_DevineDelightSocial_MimefusedudeStephenBCramerChipKellysBallsMikeLongheltBlondiethegoodTheButchJones
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    Social_MimefusedudeMikeLongheltidkjaclynmissxdevDadandBuriedzolofightermochanya
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    People say I look pretty and feminine when I wear dress until I walk, then they say "When the fuck did Brian Urlacher get here?"

    • 128
    • FAVS
    fusedudeStephenBCramerChipKellysBallsBlondiethegoodTheButchJonesHelmdawgEapodixisPS_IRuddYou
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeJTppManFGsPlayThingbadongismJust_BCSBillyPrestonEsqGrapeJuice40______fastmofobanshee
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    I imagine that if the moon could talk it would probably be really whiny and be all like "Why don't you visit anymore? I miss us"

    • 114
    • FAVS
    fusedudeStephenBCramernormmynormChipKellysBallsbackporchladycreepontoastMikeLongheltBlondiethegood
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeMikeLongheltMandyMoeMents____FGsPlayThingfavstar1000favsbadongismvioletshe_Just_BCS
    SteelFontana
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    I'm really good at complaining about not dating while simultaneously saying no to 90% of guys that ask.

    • 120
    • FAVS
    fusedudeStephenBCramerChipKellysBallsMikeLongheltBlondiethegoodTheButchJonesHelmdawgEgg21462
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeTKCExperienceDadandBuriedFGsPlayThingskullpuppy11VinShu_ESQfavstar1000favsillz35
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    I won't consider myself an adult until I know how to fold a fitted sheet... So probably never....

    • 104
    • FAVS
    fusedudeStephenBCramerChipKellysBalls_False_Indigo_MikeLongheltBlondiethegoodbrandynwiththeyHelmdawgE
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    IDGAF_vickiyfusedudeMikeLongheltfavstar1000favsdanrgrabernicratwomanFGsPlayThingTwaiDizzle
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    I hope tonight is so wild that it completely eliminates any possibility of me being elected to any public office in the future.

    • 101
    • FAVS
    swingcrusaderfusedudeStephenBCramerChipKellysBallsBlondiethegoodHelmdawgEapodixisoxleyadrienne
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudegg21462jcwilkinson1960StexcyjeffswarensFGsPlayThingGretzky1972skullpuppy11
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    I didn't say your mom was white trash, I just said every time I've seen her she's been in a tweety bird or tasmanian devil t-shirt...

    • 101
    • FAVS
    fusedudeStephenBCramerChipKellysBallsBlondiethegoodKatie_Lady_HaysHelmdawgEDadandBurieddanrgraber
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeFormerGrunt______Colt_SeethersFGsPlayThingskullpuppy11robo_junkieLaceyLiley___________cherryberry
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    RT @iamenidcoleslaw: If I ever ask you for a photo of your dick, it's only because me & my friends are bored & want something to ...

    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • TheDreschenator
      JD @TheDreschenator

    The worst job ever has to be Taco Bell janitor, right?

    • 89
    • FAVS
    fusedudeStephenBCramerChipKellysBallsBlondiethegoodAndLive2LoveHelmdawgEapodixisDadandBuried
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeAndLive2LoveFormerGrunt______nicratwomanFGsPlayThingskullpuppy11Zigs26AJO4EVER
@TheDreschenator

@TheDreschenator

Full time student/asshole, part time bank teller/amateur magician/astrophysicist/binge drinker. Married to an Army Ranger.