"Do you smoke?"

Cigarette smokers: "yes"
Weed smokers: "smoke what?"
Meth smokers: "WHO TOLD?!"
Crack smokers: *stares at you*

"IM WHITE GIRL WASTED!"

So you drank half a Smirnoff ice, called all ur ex boyfriends, and tweeted because no one is paying attention 2 u?

If you don't log onto Instagram tonight here is what you will miss:
*group picture at guitars*
"Hey look who I found!"
#Summer

I bet after LJT, there is an entirely new stand of STD.

Not every breakup is a failure, maybe they were the person you really needed for a season, and now you want like a snow cone or something.

Good hearts last longer than good looks.

Every time my car says "Drivers door is ajar" I have a hearty laugh and say "lol it's not a jar, it's a door" then I kill myself.

Girls love drama.
Guys love to hate drama.
And One Direction is horrible.
#TheseAreAllFacts

Sometimes when people quote Bible verses & stuff, I just want to yell "YOU'RE A FUCKING HYPOCRITE U ONLY USE RELIGION WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT"

u'r a terrible stuntman
Wut?
u'r a terrible stuntman
Wut?
u'r a terrible stuntman!
Haha,Im just kidding.I cud hear u.It was just really mean

Ok Wylie, how many middle schools do you really need?

This is the greatest thing #BreakingBad pic.twitter.com/bnZZfr2q

Justin Bieber is becoming a cocky little cunt.

My mom just transferred money into my bank account saying
"take someone out on a date"
I don't think she realizes money isn't the issue.

Am I the only guy attracted to good girls now-a-days? Sluts don't make good girlfriends.

Drink every time you here someone say "ok go" on Vine.

GUYS! I've been to the year 3000.
Not much has changed.
But they do live underwater.

Hows the football match coming along?
Any home runs?
How far are they below par?

Hey, maybe pain isn't weakness leaving the body, maybe pain is your body saying "Hey, That hurts"

"You're a terrible stunt man"
"What?"
"YOU'RE A TERRIBLE STUNT MAN!"
"What?"
"YOU'RE A TERRI-"
"No, I heard you, it's just really mean"