• Hola!

    Please Sign In

    Favstar gets even better if you sign in.

    Here's why signing in is good for you.

    • You get a personalized view of Favstar based on the people you follow.
    • Your favs and retweets are collected instantly, meaning your status and stats get updated at blazing speeds.
    • Use lists to manage your friends, and keep on top of where the fav-love is happening.

    Your account is safe, of course!

    • We never see your twitter password.
    • We won't tweet or follow anyone without your permission.
    • We only use your API calls when you fav, retweet, or follow someone.
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    Daughter: How was your day, Daddy?
    Me: Pretty busy, lots of meetings and deadlines.
    Her: DEAD LIONS!?!

    • 929
    • FAVS
    Jake_SniffmcibtyOhhwhoopsatbara9gravbeastDSLikesItmoxiebloggerBeesthegame
    • 528
    • RETWEETS
    Jake_SniffOhhwhoopswerna_andrewwhiteauDSLikesItBeesthegamecharlmeyerCharlieAlcock
    Adam14
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    I love how Simba acts upset when Mufasa dies as if he didn't just do a choreographed musical number called "I Just Can't Wait To Be King".

    • 543
    • FAVS
    meggy_gabeyJake_SniffOhhwhoopsDSLikesItblinkzcha007ryanhancerVallygurl22libster624
    • 450
    • RETWEETS
    Jake_Sniffsouthrngrace420ryanhancercapslockNdropitMzAsilijFweakofCydoniaOnly_1Utdalex_leeper
    Wakenbake77ScigglezWhatevaConc
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    When rapping in my car, I hold my phone to my ear so passersby think I'm on an intense business call.

    • 597
    • FAVS
    SummerMcdademcibtyOhhwhoopsDrDweezilDSLikesItthe_rock_chicJulia_KwiatSour_World__
    • 341
    • RETWEETS
    Ohhwhoops_iNode_Nthe_rock_chicetoilelointaineKathy_ZemanyoungstupidlifeContwixtiwearaonesie
    dinnersruinedWakenbake77murfer28__________
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    When my wife pisses me off, I get on her Pinterest and pin lots of mediocre shit, like cupcakes that just look like cupcakes.

    • 542
    • FAVS
    revengeofAAJake_SniffmcibtyOhhwhoopsDrDweezilUhhmIDontKnowsammyj_04KhrisWarhol
    • 222
    • RETWEETS
    revengeofAAJake_SniffOhhwhoopsUhhmIDontKnowsammyj_04ContwixtToolshredLackOfShame
    TheCrumbDiaryBooFricketyHoo
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    If I worked at Michelin, I would sit in meetings all day saying, "Well, let's not reinvent the wheel." And we would all laugh and laugh…

    • 442
    • FAVS
    CartographyBoyJake_SniffDrDweezilDSLikesItmoxiebloggerRlpihlsammyj_04notbedelia
    • 210
    • RETWEETS
    Jake_SniffnotbedeliaYourPalMilo______LackOfShameNotReallyNo_TheCrumbDiarywickwelkerZomBChow
    deadgoldfish87
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    I have unrealistic expectations for how long it will take to get things done. I blame montages.

    • 410
    • FAVS
    tuckerflodmanJake_SniffMsFucketrydjhammer59CoreyLakeJenny4ashleyCrimminsKimdebbytree
    • 223
    • RETWEETS
    Jake_Sniffdjhammer59CoreyLakeJenny4ashleydanielvasiliosDSLikesItUpperLowerClassDadandBuried
    LakelandrAlanAymierossbransonYour_Boy_DylanRhiannonsShade
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    Rappers and politicians: the only jobs where most of the job is talking about how good you are at the job.

    • 367
    • FAVS
    lovelyjoesyJake_SniffDSLikesItangel777_paulasammyj_04hg47Fuzzy_KarmakaziLakelandr
    • 215
    • RETWEETS
    Jake_SniffDSLikesItsammyj_04NotReallyNo_MesjaxTheCrumbDiaryViolent2Dope304tylersorrells
    JosesLovesYou
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    I hate Twitter. It's a waste of time.

    *new interaction*

    I FUCKING LOVE TWITTER.

    • 354
    • FAVS
    Jake_SniffDSLikesItKhrisWarholnotbedeliaaveuaskewtrillborgjjgrapesixfootbunnie
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
    daredoubleyousixfootbunniesarcasm_incFuzzy_KarmakaziPrairieOutlawDumbCatFacelittlelambiiTheJamesH1
    Rikidus
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    I tried to check my email from a hipster's MacBook Pro and I accidentally started an Etsy store selling artisan scarves made of hemp.

    • 304
    • FAVS
    atbara9clyderunDSLikesItsammyj_04Love140ArtnotbedeliaiGreenMonkhg47
    • 182
    • RETWEETS
    DSLikesItnotbedeliahg47Gus__BDebaucheronyperhapssomedayalanwdixNotReallyNo_
    ProfaneDaneSmithWitBrisketBee______
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    Being a parent forces you to face many existential questions such as WHY IS THE MONKEY IN THE LION KING JAMAICAN?!

    • 286
    • FAVS
    pistolwistolDrDweezilDSLikesIttaggart_stewartangel777_paulasammyj_04notbedeliaKellyeFine
    • 130
    • RETWEETS
    pistolwistolsammyj_04notbedeliaWheelTodQueefTornadoFuzzy_KarmakaziBeamishBoiNotReallyNo_
    patcasey72thenoahkinsey
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    I'm an atheist so if someone sneezes I say "Cherish this life because after you die, that's it."

    • 270
    • FAVS
    the_rock_chicHOUK__psychedelicobraABetschnorcalSHELL_BlackenedSkyBittyB3Sammy_MoMo
    • 127
    • RETWEETS
    moseletsaneCaptain_TPEGreat_JENeticsBittyB3PieknaChaosnaughtyravynlukiedee4ThRealBallsDeep
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    When my wife pisses me off, I sulk into my infant son's room and call him a son of a bitch just loud enough to be heard on the monitor.

    • 264
    • FAVS
    mcibtyBackBayBubblyOhhwhoopspistolwistolDSLikesItkukolikhillihaydaniel_frijoles
    • 115
    • RETWEETS
    OhhwhoopsperpetualstonerpistolwistoliwearaonesienotbedeliaKopsekatilexabexa3inigoomontoya
    hg47kentgrossarth5ick5
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    I promise to be a good enough father that my son never has to Google "how to use a charcoal grill", like I just did.

    • 239
    • FAVS
    Jake_SniffSummerMcdadeOhhwhoopsDSLikesItContwixtKhrisWarholnotbedeliahg47
    • 96
    • RETWEETS
    OhhwhoopsContwixtAskAuntieEm1WheelTodFuzzy_KarmakaziNotReallyNo_time_trap_AmateurIdiot
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    Jesus Christ, Steve. We see Blue's Clue. It's the fucking paw print right behind you, you condescending asshole.

    • 227
    • FAVS
    revengeofAAJake_SniffDSLikesItsammyj_04KhrisWarholnotbedeliaFuzzy_KarmakaziBeamishBoi
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    NotReallyNo_HunnerGoMeowZomBChowWhervrIMayRoamOhgoddessitsmeEliHansenMusicLilWahineGidgetginanicolebrown
    doublewenis______
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    I'd like to think that in England a hillbilly is called a "William of Hillshire".

    • 201
    • FAVS
    TheRealLillianRlovelyjoesyJake_SniffpistolwistolDrDweezilDSLikesItContwixtsammyj_04
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    Jake_SniffTamzillatheHunmartinimommy78ContwixtnotbedeliaWheelTodBoldyBollocksQueefTornado
    Wheres_Samantha
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    If someone wants to fight you say "Let's not resort to fisticuffs" then they want to hug you because people who say fisticuffs are adorable.

    • 199
    • FAVS
    pistolwistolsammyj_04notbedeliamangochow1ooforthalrightbobQueefTornadoFuzzy_Karmakazi
    • 89
    • RETWEETS
    WheelTodcraigclaytonseaalrightbobQueefTornadoDebaucheronyNotReallyNo_south_side_danDrrragonHart
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    If "genitals" didn't already mean something, I think it'd be a cool name for a cereal.

    • 181
    • FAVS
    pistolwistolDrDweezilDSLikesItdelia_shannonnotbedeliaParentEsqmangochow1sammyj_04
    • 106
    • RETWEETS
    DSLikesItnotbedeliaposhbirdgabi__wimothyjosephmangochow1WheelTodQueefTornadoFuzzy_Karmakazi
    SamDeLanche
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    Work tip: if you're going to ask your boss if you can "work from home", don't use air quotes.

    • 174
    • FAVS
    sbrou24revengeofAAbrownpoopypantsnoneofyours99moominpantsMs_Gainsbourg____sammyj_04NetflixMe
    • 108
    • RETWEETS
    revengeofAAbrownpoopypantskikdbakbitchMs_Gainsbourg____sammyj_04NetflixMeFuzzy_KarmakaziNotReallyNo_
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    When God closes a door he opens a window. I just hope it's not Windows 8 because I can't find shit there.

    • 183
    • FAVS
    A_SternManJake_SniffDrDweezilDSLikesItjonfredericBigRob2363Contwixtnotbedelia
    • 92
    • RETWEETS
    Jake_SniffBigRob2363ContwixtWheelTodFuzzy_KarmakaziNotReallyNo_santhonythomascanadianatlarge
  • TheGladStork
      The Glad Stork @TheGladStork

    Work tip: if someone comes to your cubicle, keep your headphones on and yell "LIVIN THE DREAM! HOW ARE YOU!" over and over until they leave.

    • 187
    • FAVS
    DSLikesItwokkax3wstafricanWakenbake77sammyj_04Fuzzy_KarmakazimargaretiaNotReallyNo_
    • 75
    • RETWEETS
    Wakenbake77Fuzzy_KarmakaziNotReallyNo_RocketRankoonViolent2Dope304dinnersruinedEliHansenMusicenigmaterics
    ahoytheboat______
@TheGladStork

@TheGladStork

I tweet about parenting, cubicles, marriage, and rap music. http://thegladstork.com/ | http://facebook.com/thegladstork | http://c.delict.us/TheGladStork