I don't judge a book by its cover I judge it by its movie.

Does anyone know a nice no extradition country? It never hurts to be prepared...

My buddies are playing hanging with friends. I'll bring the rope if you'll bring the friends.

Forget the devil I'm selling my soul to the Chinese.

The office slut turned me down. How's that for a confidence booster?

I'm gonna skip the gate way drugs and go straight to some black tar heroine.

Next time someone honks at me I'm gonna administer the pit maneuver. That's what insurance is for.

Needing some extra body heat to keep me warm.



NOT EVERYBODY AT ONCE, OK!

For the love of all things holy will someone please scratch my back...

I think I'm having a conversation with a bot. I just hit an all time low.

Todays tweets brought to you in part at the expense of others.

Anyone else ever wanted to throw a keg party with a keg of O'Douls and just sit back and watch?

Before Twitter my life was lonely and hallow now i can partake in the misfortunes of others

I'm not saying I did, but I'm not saying I didn't.

@therabidbuni is there a way i can become an honorary viking? Id like to be able to pillage and plunder myself.

I love my mom cuz she's old school.

And by old school I mean she would beat us with anything within her reach.

I want you right here, right now.

I just found a Everything Tastes Better With Bacon book in my car. Either someone borrowed my car or the gods must be telling me something.

Every time I lie, it's not my nose that grows longer.

I'm gonna take her make her mine then ask her name.