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How much milk do I add to baby powder to make a baby?
If you play a Justin Bieber song backwards you hear messages from Satan. But even worse, if you play if forwards you hear Justin Beiber!
A well placed comma can save your life. Man, pickles are good. #PhewThatWasClose
An iPad is practically just a twitter and porn machine. Best. Idea. Ever.
Did Nickleback get their name from everyone asking for their money back after the show?
Time heals everything, except technology, hurt, accidents, cars, glasses, pregnancy, tattoos, stains, and pretty much everything else...
Please stop stealing 9gag jokes and using them as tweets. We do notice, we're just too nice to call you out.
Thanks to twitter I don't have to pretend to be on my phone when I'm waiting for someone.
"Guys, don't be sexist. Cause being sexist is wrong. And being wrong is for women." - anon
I'm not racist, I have a black iPhone.
If Drake can win a Grammy, I don't think Grammys mean that much anymore...
A Zuma of wives. #BetterCollectiveNouns
I got so tired of typing "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of every email so I just bought an iPhone.
#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen you are expecting 2012 and all you get is 2011S.
I'm the poor, starving kid in Africa your parents tell you about when you don't eat your vegetables. Don't feel so bad, I don't want them either.