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Drunk at the store! Can't wait to find out what I got me!
I have 241 followers. Bet I can get that up to 250 before August.
I wanted to start a word, "Twitterdict". One addicted to Twitter. Then I realized people would say "What? You have a twitchy dick?"
The last time I had a date, it was part of a date-nut pinwheel cookie. And that was a long time ago.
There's a funny drunk guy on TV. Oh, wait, my TV is off. I was looking at my reflection. Never mind.
The only time a 12-step program worked for me was the time I lived next to the liquor store.
It's official: Life doesn't suck, I just suck at it.
I've had a stressful, busy week and haven't been inspired to tweet much. Hopefully my muse will be back soon. RIP Ryan Dunne.
My teeth are numb.
I used a leaf blower for the first time yesterday, and a whole new range of possibilities popped up for uses. Mostly involving my penis.
I think in stereo.
I hope my pogo stick practice at 1 a.m. doesn't bother my downstairs neighbors.
It's almost 2 a.m. I should go to bed, the dogs get up early and just sit by the door and meow until I let them out. Plus I'm exhausted.
When I wake up tomorrow, everything will be normal again (please please please)
I hate lazy, selfish, stupid bitches who get by on looks and get away with shit just because they charm people. I'm not falling for it.
I hope someday that they make a book of all my best tweets. That would be 5 pages I could be proud of.
I am such a dork. Strangely, I'm proud of that.
Some assembly required. Contents may settle during shipping. Results not typical. Local taxes may apply. Rated I for Immature.