Is Jadakiss short for Jason Sudeikis?

There should be a store you can nap in for a fair price.

"I feel fucking terrible." -Sunday

@themaskedbandit ...she's timeless...

David Beckham announced his retirement today. He scored 7 goals in his career, the most in the history of soccer.

The Day of the Month Club is one of the more boring clubs.

I thought I saw Sean Penn riding a horse. Turned out it was just Sean Penn riding a large dog.

Ha. @comedycentral had to buy  http://CumBirds.net  cuz I said it. #cakeday #NTTD

Everyone has crazy eyes in Louisiana.  http://instagram.com/p/ZPJdbPJcsK/ 

Don't text and tweet.

A more accurate slogan for Subway would be "Eat?"

“@themaskedbandit: @pauldanke at my sisters college graduation and gotta say, LOTTA Kaitlin's gettin degreed up.” So proud of my girls!!

After finding the Higgs boson, the now pointless CERN collider is reduced to staging high stakes Superman/Bizarro Superman collisions.

Well that's reassuring  http://www.teethfallingoutdream.org/dreams-about-losing-teeth/ … @themaskedbandit

Don't wait until the last minute to buy a Mother's Day card or you'll be stuck with the religious ones.

I dare someone to keep me in a house for 10 years. I'll murder you and your whole family after 90 minutes.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to one of the all time greats!! I love you dearly @donrickles  http://instagram.com/p/ZDg8JNih2Y/ 

Yesterday was such a Monday and today's turning into a real Tuesday.

omg are pigs flying i actually just got something useful out of @klout  http://bit.ly/ZZXK8s  THX KLOUT WE COO

Kanye runs hand across mantelpiece.
Kanye: "You know they think aliens visited ancient Egypt? I believe that."
Kim: (Instagramming)...What?