"Calgary Flames to bypass Schultz sweepstakes entirely in favour of pursuing a hotshot highschool broomball prospect" - Tod Button

How will we know when to get retarded? “@lakings Who do we contact so that the black eyed peas aren't played at hockey games anymore?”

After seeing Mark Messier on tv tonight, I thought I would take another crack at just eating 1 Lays chips. The bag is now empty.

@luvpug @angelaehh "aisle have what she's cleaning up" - am I doing this right? @tommykarate 

Follow Friday: @girlsinyogapant . These guys are doing the Lord's work. #FF

Lehtonen? More like "lettin'emin"... Am I right? #Oilers

Drink it in Calgary, this was your playoffs. #goilers

Related to last tweet- Q: what's the difference between a box of Tim Horton's coffee and the Calgary Flames? A: Nine cups.

Hall should have passed that back to Eberle. #selfish #oilers

I kind of miss the lockout. #oilers

I saw The Beastie Boys perform at Lollapalooza in 95 or 96 - great show. I spotted MCA in the crowd during the Pharcyde show that day. #MCA

Paulina Gretzky also said this about her camera phone. RT @vitaminshoppe: "You miss 100% of the shots you never take." – Wayne Gretzky.

Good news: Sounds like there might be buyers for Khabibulin at the deadline.
Bad news: they all work on the sportsnet panel. #oilers

Even if it was sore, I'd still try and play with it. “@sun_tychkowski Oilers say Khabibulin has a sore groin; can't play with it anymore.”

I'm in the 99%...of people that wish the "occupy" movements were over with.

It's hard to tell from this picture but are the Canucks wearing skates on their penis' now? RT @shanyegretz: The sauce: http://t.co/b9oDQ8ug

@jsbmrevolution with all the hockey boners there right now, they're going to have to rename it "erectsall place".

If my job was staring at twitter and hitting refresh, then I would be very productive this afternoon.

If a hawks team with toews, kane and hossa looks this bad, how much work do the oilers still have ahead of them?

And the future canucks! “@mrslethal Anyone else feel like maybe we’re getting a glimpse of the future Oilers here?”