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i’ve used this vending machine twice and both times it’s given me 1 extra item on accident. pretty sure karma will kick in and i’ll die soon
Yelp reviews tell you much more about the customer than the restaurant.
Pain is just weakness leaving the body. Or really big sword, entering it.
Landed in London. 1st stop: the Burger King's palace.
Sexy trick: sit on your hand til it goes numb. Then, gently caress your head with your own limp hand. Shhhh. Go to sleep. You're beautiful.
The ghosts of your dead relatives tangle your earbuds when they catch you watching porn.
that doesn’t have to be an animated gif. and turn off the subtitles. and just don’t post it at all it’s funnier on tv instead of your tumblr
*thinks about whether i should call it a ‘dick’ or a ‘wiener’* look ma, i’m a “Content Strategist”
HANG UP ON GRANDMA AND PUT THE KIDS TO BED, IT’S TIME FOR CUSS WORDS fuck dick shit tits boobs boobs boobs hooters boobs boob boobs
Really not looking forward to the avalanche of "How Social Media Changed Journalism Forever" decks that are about to rain down on us all.
"I heard it on CNN!" CNN: "I heard it on Reddit!" Reddit: "Police scanner!" Police: "We were mentioning a tweet!" Twitter: "I'M 14 LOL SWAG"
Short for The Moosehead Communist Party. Spread the word, comrade! I only do capitalist things, though, so...