Here's a thought ladies... When your man asks you what's wrong... Tell him!

You think you know someone... And then they go and change their avi.

The sexiest thing a man can do to me is pick me up by my ass and carry me to the bed.

Sometimes, when I see someone's tweets, I think 'please don't let them have more followers than me.'

You may not think I'm funny, but I think I'm hilarious. And that's all that matters.

Whoa, what just came out of my vagina!? -me, like ten times a day

My daily routine:
1-groan
2-check phone
3-get depressed no one loves me
4-fall back asleep on toilet

Random facts about me: can cook so u wont get sick, stop a toilet that's running, bra & panties ALWAYS match, deathly afraid of sea turtles.

I had to delete a couple tweets from this morning because they were too facebooky. I apologize.

I blame action movies for my heart skipping a beat every time I stick my key in the ignition.

Its amazing what a good cuddle does for the soul.

Just so you know, I don't throw down all my best moves on the first night. Those I save for the boys who stick around.

Drank my weight in alcohol on Friday and my shit is still not solid again yet.

Not enough sex happens in the afternoons.

Twitter is where all the naughty nurses go.

Hey guys, it's sexy when a girl has a happy trail, right?
Asking for a friend.

My narcissism wants to know: am I hot, hott, or hawt?

My vagina ate some toilet paper today guys. It's that hungry.

All I'm saying is: I've only had 1 one night stand. And that's not from my lack of trying. The damn fuckers won't stop calling.

Just by knowing what tweet you followed after tells me a lot about you.