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Shy people probably find more money on the ground than confident people.
I would pay so much money to watch the Harlem Globetrotters change a baby.
I wear my shoes real loose so, if anyone uppercuts me, they look baller as fuck doing it.
Lenny Kravitz owns a bunch of recording equipment The Beatles used which is like when the Nazis got the Ark of the Covenant.
Did anyone ever stop to consider that perhaps Trent Reznor fucks animals?
You'd think a smart bomb would realize that violence isn't the answer.
Roommates: Just to let you know, if you see my hat hanging from the doorknob outside my door, that means I'm in my room looking for my hat.
Anyone wanna find a popular high school kid's kegger this weekend, show up with hard drugs, and ruin their lives?
"I'm dropping science!" - Rappers, apple trees, English majors
I love Twitter. It's like all of the world's best public restroom graffiti right on my computer screen.
It's a good thing that lion didn't die mysteriously in a police station because people might not have cared as much.
I think we all need to take a hard look at how internet pornography is preventing our youth from finding an old Hustler in the woods.
If you're going to stretch out your ear lobes, go full nine and get 'em under your arms to wear your own head like a backpack.
I could really go for some cuddling, right now. If that means having to partake in some hot, steamy, power fucking, so be it.
If you're going to slay a bunch of Girl Scouts, dress like Cookie Monster so it'll be too awesome to go to jail for.
The tiger trap in my yard yielded zero tigers but one girl scout. Ah, well. A rug is a rug, I suppose...
Anyone have pictures of corn on the cob holders tattooed on the sides of their vagina?
If I'm fingering someone, I use my pinky. My dick needs all the contrast it can get.
Sorry about the Paterno jokes. Today we should be focusing on the NFL, where they rape adults.
Stand-up comedian. Cat lover. Satanic débutante.
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