"WHAT DO WE WANT?"

"A cure for Tourettes!"

"WHEN DO WE WANT IT?"

"Cunt!"

Too few followers: Great tweets are missed by others.

Too many followers: You can say anything and somebody will star it. You're no genius.

Want to make your most favorited tweet totally unfunny? Read it aloud to one of your non-twitter friends. Works every time.

Gay electricians are ohmosexual.

The best thing about having a fight with a cosmetologist is the make-up sex afterwards.

"WHAT DO WE WANT?"

"We'd like to buy a vowel!"

"WHEN DO WE WANT IT?"

"Nw!"

My 'safe' words are: 'You remind me of my mom'... instantly stops all action

"WHAT DO WE WANT?"

"A bowl of warm milk"

"WHEN DO WE WANT IT?"

"Meow!"

"Hulk SMH!" ~ The Incredulous Hulk

#CombineYourFavoriteThings Orgas'mores

In our society, philosophers fill a very important nietzsche.

I've considered becoming a redneck but there are so many things to consider! I need time to mullet over.

Wile E. Coyote was my first physics instructor.

"If all your friends didn't jump off a cliff, would you not do it too?" ~ Lemming parents, scolding

A friend just made me laugh so hard, milk came out my nose! Funny, I wasn't even drinking any milk.

Ribs called.

They want their baby back.

If "food for thought" was an exchange program, I'd starve to death.

"LOYO" ~ Yoda

Do pirates suffer from restless peg syndrome?

Life is too short to use bad Clichés.