It sank. Very sad. Now please can we move on?

Cats are just dogs who've been to drama school.

Congratulations to Oxford and Cambridge for once again making it to the finals of the Boat Race.

Might I suggest we all have a quiet night in?

Just been to the barber's for a number 2. He was livid.

I saw The Artist. Didn't understand a word of it.

We need a show called Answer Time.

Two murders in Georgia. One unsolved.

“@rollingstone: Bob Dylan receives the Presidential Medal of Honor from Obama: http://t.co/IuFaXuMA” He looks pleased.

@glinner @nickgriffinmep If anything happens to this couple we can all hold Griffin responsible.

Royal Barge looks like a Chinese restaurant.

Last time I donate to Cancer Research.RT @qikipedia: Scientists name Queen's We Are The Champions as the catchiest song of all time.

Well, I never had Alex Ferguson down as a quitter.

It’s true that Savile rebuked me for swearing on TV when kids might be watching. 14 years later I have thought of a snappy comeback.

On my way to Harrogate Royal Hall. Glad Gary McKinnon spared. 10yrs ago US should have offered him a job improving their rubbish security.

So who won the Eurovision? Oh wait, I forgot, I don't give a shit.

“@nickmotown: A while ago I did a silly cartoon called Awkward Security Guard Chat just for YOU  http://goo.gl/rgkeQ ”. Excellent.

If at first you don't succeed you are clearly not cut out for it. Give up and move on.

Lost my Donor card yesterday and they got one of my kidneys before I could cancel it.

If you're Welsh and like Lego, this is my gift to you. http://t.co/1hZNzVq8