@TheRealMelissaN's (Melissa N) most faved Tweets...
According to my spam, I have won a Red Lobster dinner, have found a reliable place to buy meds, and someone's wife wants to date me.
Pro Tip: Don't job search while hungry. I almost answered a help wanted ad for delivering burritos.
16
Considering my husband is bigger than I am, it's kind of hard to shake my money maker. But, I guess I'll try...
16
Unemployment sucks. I can handle not getting takeout or seeing movies. But doing laundry because I can't buy something to wear is not right.
15
Somehow, I think the "Part Time Package Handler" position that is posted for UPS isn't quite what I think it is.
13
If you can't serve my Whopper with a side of hot shirtless stud then no, Burger King. It is not my way.
12
As a parent, you can't wait for your child to start talking so you can easily find out what he wants. That is, until he starts talking.
12
The husb' keeps trying to get me to drink the wine in the fridge so we have more room. I think there's another reason for it though.
10
Can't believe that MJ isn't here on the 40th anniversary of the moonwalk. Leave it to a guy to be *busy* or *dead* on an anniversary.
10
Note to self: Either buy tighter pants or loose some thigh fat so your corduroys don't make noise when you walk. Oh! I mean...Pro Tip.
9
I don't know who the hell Foldger's thinks they're kidding. There's NO 'the best part of waking up'. Also: going back to bed.
9
Sometimes I get really freaked out and think I'm pregnant b/c I feel a "kick" in my stomach. Then I remember I had a burrito for lunch.
9
On days that I have the boy home with me I feel a sense of pride in myself. Today, I already get 2 stickers for going pee pee on the potty.
9
Tip: To have your favorites shown faster, follow @favstar