Before 16 and Pregnant there should be 15 and Slutty. Prior to that: 14 and Daddy Issues. All starting with Toddlers in Tiaras.

Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So...41 guys...that's the limit.

A friendly reminder: It doesn't matter if you have 1 follow or 5,000, 1 star or 500, if you made one person smile, you're doing it right

Rick Astley's not to do list:

1. Give you up
2. Let you down
3. Run around
4. Desert you
5. Make you cry
6. Tell a lie
7. Hurt you

Thank you for calling Twitter. For stars, be funny. For RT's, be hilarious. To speak to a representative, press @. To be ignored, press #.

Hugs are my way of saying "put your tits on my body".

If the sex toy industry is trying to create the most life like dildo, the battery should die after 90 seconds then sleep for 8 hours.

The very worst STD you can get is probably KIDS.

Playing a game of S-A-R-A-H-J-E-S-S-I-C-A-P-A-R-K-E-R at the basketball court takes fucking forever.

If you really want to freak a girl out after sex, rub her stomach and say, "I can't wait to meet what we just created".

Who's name did Jesus yell when he saw a spider?

Girls are made of sugar and spice and blood and tits and a brain and no heart and a vagina.

7 years ago today, millions lost their lives. Happy birthday Twitter.

You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.

Twitter: Where the people that don't take it seriously are hilarious and the ones that do take it seriously are cunts.

I wonder how many illegitimate socks are out there because of me?

"I'm quite popular on Favstar!"- That dude sitting alone at the bar

Favstar should change the name, "Popular People" to "Closest to Suicide"

Everybody in the rap game are either Big or Lil', leaving a ferociously untapped "medium" market.

If the fetus you save is gay, will you still fight for it's rights?