Everyone really likes your cleavage

My love for theater and plays says ``sophisticated and cultural``.

The pink leotards under my suit says confused and clearly on Twitter.

"Chocolate is better than sex" is really just code for "I'm a fucking loser and I never get laid."

I'm not normally a hugger. The urine was a nice touch though

Ain't no party like an imaginary party because an imaginary party don't exist.

Tattoo elephant ears right next to your penis for The Lord.

I found out that I can make spreadsheets on my phone & now it's 1:15am, but I'm awake because I'm making SPREADSHEETS on a PHONE!!

Why do people continue to approach me? Last I checked a clenched jaw was body language for: I'd better ask somebody else.

$22.00 tab, 15 cent tip..."I don't need any change".... No no, I really think you do.

Damnit. Got roped in, waaaay too much effort for a troll who is terrible at trolling.

Onward, how are you guys? Good?

Twitter didn't unfollow you. They blocked you, then unblocked you, then played dumb. Have a super duper night!

I have an irrational fear of elevators... I think I must have died in one in a past life.

Only three more days until the kids are out for summer. Exactly how far can I get in three days?

What the poor should do is revolt and murder the rich.

I never believe any story that involves people not liking me.

Some assistants filtering out, scouts, from Raiders facility. Hardcore fans await Woodson. They're told ``it will be awhile.''

What's could possibly be cooler than a guy with a ponytail? A guy with two ponytails.

I sure do mix a lot of drinks for someone who's not a barman.

You know I mean business when I'm wearing my "good" sweatpants.

"@thereal_andymac: Has the US Government banned tornadoes yet?" #clEvEr