Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Why I love twitter: tweet a joke get faved, tell same joke at home get blank or disgusted stare.
It's all fun and games till somebody picks you out of a lineup.
Hey has anyone seen my wife? She's about 5'4", shoulder length brown hair, might be riding around on her broom.
Tonight I've decided to live tweet my orgas.... Ooops to late.
FYI: ladies the day your son goes from fighting taking baths to taking extra long ones is the day he learns what masturbation is.
When u get older u realize any woman that will put your dick in their mouth looks just fine.
In my dreams you guys are all very impressed with me.
Ok fuck you Twitter and the whale you rode to town on.
When faced with a vagina I will succumb.
Ok who's got an idea for a Christmas gift for the wife? Limits $300, shes a girl & I already looked for a sex drive but couldn't find one.
Talk about a dry spell not even my right hand is in the mood tonight.
You know how some people seem to think their shit don't stink, they must be real special cause mine smells real bad.
gonna go visit the old folks home see if any of the old ladies wanna take their teeth out and suck my balls.
It's all fun and games till you wake up married.
I used to think it was cool when she called me "Rodeo" after sex, then she told its cause on a good day I can go 8 seconds.
Dear Stalkees can you please do something exciting soon it's getting really old masturbating to photos of u washing dishes in baggy sweats.
I always carry a gun cause you never know when you are going to run into your In-Laws.
Pay no attention to the man in your tree watching you with his penis in his hand. Unless you want to invite me err him in.
At my age the only fuck buddy I'm gonna get is inflatable.
Pretty sure the lady who just walked out of the store was stealing that hat but who cares she had an amazing rack.
I am the Real Nobody, I am the most unremarkable man in the world. Kik= bob1tx