I can't wait until "what have you been up to?" is not a terrifyingly stressful question.

Being a dental assistant is hard because you also have to constantly be shooting commercials for online colleges.

Dislikes: waterfalls Likes: the rivers and the lakes that I'm used to.

Some Of My Facebook Friends Capitalize Every Word Of Their Status Updates Because Everything They Do Should Be The Title Of A Book

I just said "this cake is so rich" like 5 times. So excited to be an aunt!!!

Yesterday I used the word "Machiavellian" with, at most, 85% certainty.

I have to go through all 5 stages of grief every time I wake up.

It takes way more muscles to frown than it does to smile so basically my face is RIPPED.

MISSED CONNECTION: You were my grandma for 19 years and then you died

If you say "sure." instead of "sure!", I assume we are in some sort of major fight.

FUN FACT: Hitler used to say goodbye to people, then come back into the room for something and make everyone awkwardly say goodbye again.

I hate everything I've ever said at the end of a phone call.

Instead of spending money on costly gym memberships, I get fit by pushing others away!

People with Internet access still call radio stations to make song requests.

Uh oh one of the people I follow on Instagram visited an aquarium

Is someone forcing Kristen Stewart at gunpoint to be a movie star?

I'm 28 and I still have NO IDEA what my signature dish is

Gays go all out for Halloween because we're used to putting on masks for people lol no but seriously have fun out there #ItGetsBetter #fun

Alright buddy we get it. RT @barackobama: OMG watching "Smash" right now with my gays and DYING. So fab!

Hey young gay followers! Hope you know the marriage ban in N.C. says nothing about you and everything about the people who voted for it.