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"Like many writers, I have a warm up ritual. I make a fresh pot of coffee, open a window, and attempt to read the entire internet."
Like many writers, I have warm up rituals. Before I begin I pour a fresh cup of coffee, open a window and try to read the entire Internet.
Ten year old girl missing in Tilbury. Name Jessica, wearing pink fleece if you see her contact police immediately 999. Please Retweet.
"Hello, Schrodinger's cattery, how may I help you?" "Oh, we left Pebbles with you, just ringing up to ask if he's OK?" 'Yes and no."
"Pressure is mounting on Bob Diamond." The fools! How do they think he was formed in the first place?
As the weather warms up, spare a thought for the homeless, who are now in danger of being mistaken for the merely lazy.
It's not that I'm proud to be British. It's that I'm grateful.
It all kicked off when I was doing security at the Brits one year. Steps vs Jamiroquai. I was the only thing between H and JK.
It's been six months since I finally gave in and agreed to get a dog. Wish I'd done it years ago. Then it might be dead by now.
Most people are in fact like Marmite - a by-product of the brewing industry.
Lucian Freud dies at 88. His last two fat ladies.
To be fair, even outside of cycling, has anyone ever worn a yellow jersey and not been on drugs?
Most people are in fact like Marmite:- a by-product of the brewing industry.
The collective noun for hermits is a "failure".
The newspapers now read to me like match reports of fixtures we all watched live on Twitter.
It was Adam and Eve who fouled everything up in Paradise by disobeying the one simple request made of them by God. Not Adam and Steve.
The interesting thing about I'm a Celebrity... being in Australia is you can watch people's careers going down the plughole the wrong way.