There's no crying in Twitter, that's why you have a Tumblr account.

I might be the star machine, but I'm not starring memes.

I believed that children are our future!
Related: I don't have any kids.

You're so mad that you could kill that person, but instead, you tweet about it and do nothing. Twitter saves lives!

I like to help the little people of Twitter.

YOU try to be boring and unfunny in every tweet, it's not as easy as I make it look.

Your last tweet made no sense to me. *star*

I'm going on a Twitter vacation.





See you in one hour.

This tweet is cursed, if you retweet it, you will twittercide in one week.

I like your passive aggressive tweets better than your subtweets.

Sext: I'm busy starring tweets, I don't have time for this.

My Twitter crush is an egg with a protected account.

Most of my tweets end up in the Bermuda Triangle.

"I've never been part of a murder" - A loner crow.

The more pain you have the funnier you are, I have no pain.

I always find it interesting that the person giving you a trophy is always one of your favorites.

All you have to do is follow ten people that like to retweet a lot and you will feel like you're following everyone here.

I'm addicted to chill pills.

One twitter crush to rule them all.

People actually do more stuff for "the haters" than for the people that care about them.
Moral of the story, hating people is good for them