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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    *gay guy hits on me*
    ME: I'm straight.
    GAY GUY: So is spaghetti, until it's hot & wet.
    If any man gets to have me, it's this dude...

    • 1,029
    • FAVS
    matthewoshiroKarenLyneButlerPanicRestroomlonewulf87JesiraePCammille26justmegirlRRdaredoubleyou
    • 584
    • RETWEETS
    lonewulf87jnarredondoPmaniac09carlyme23Only1_TNTpatriciakyambadsrlmyrAndy_Richnafsky
    bdbdleeroybrownVirgoSherryshanethevein
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Not going to force my religion down my son's throat. I'd explain the differences & when the time comes, he can choose either Marvel or DC...

    • 572
    • FAVS
    TheWormShepherdMagicLegumesowenblackerKarenLyneButlerlonewulf87Purple_whippedPettyVendettagreeze
    • 457
    • RETWEETS
    LS_FaderOmorkaowenblackernonlinearstevenarthursimgreezeTinkerbell_Dan_Kunixx
    DanKCharnleyCarmel_ColemanMaxine12333notfaizzy
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    CASHIER: 300.

    ME: Ha, like the movie.

    CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld.

    ME: Ha, like the comedian.

    CASHIER: ...

    ME: Ha, like a mime...

    • 489
    • FAVS
    Jjkinky49JeffOne_FineMesshenscheckeoowynn_311Lamin_OoAlFunnieHeltonKGoinshogwildWPS
    • 222
    • RETWEETS
    One_FineMessAlFunnieTMcgutsLosLos__hillswithnoeyesTheRoloBenderIsGreat7MSickayduh
    BuddyAckerswiftenhaalVodkaMary
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Note that when the power's out & all device batteries are dead, the square things are called books & the moving objects are other humans...

    • 265
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87KatarinaKrizThe_SculptressPatWallaceKrissiBeximence2Reader_Glennsagemoonstone
    • 177
    • RETWEETS
    PatWallaceReader_Glennsagemoonstonesilent_dreamerkansaswaggGrumpyBahrWarWithMyMindbenittto8
    JB4RealzSolelyBMaxine12333Tweenyxpiplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Once, on Twitter, I followed a woman & she followed me back & we laughed & talked about life & how she was a man from Brooklyn...

    • 252
    • FAVS
    excusethegooseRicDizZLefullblowndave5haelMrsGoose69lonewulf87BalkarGorayaalvaro09206
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    reddoordungeonFavstar250MrsGoose69rankingTweetsCelsoPiazziBig_TonyStewartcarlyme23TattleTSister
    OfficeofSteveCarmel_ColemanMaxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just saw my elementary school teacher. Loved her. She blew up a balloon for me once & I stole little gulps of her breath from it all day...

    • 220
    • FAVS
    shart_tarttinyhumTeejayRushgabrieldsmqsJaliePeeblesBooeyBomblukeonlifekatfoodbreath
    • 88
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhTeejayRushCVTBabyBooeyBombkatfoodbreathsharathismMrsGoose69mscesario
    Tinkerbell_TheDailySchmuck
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Notice how atheists are fighting & killing each other again over who doesn't believe in God the most? Oh no wait, that never happens...

    • 182
    • FAVS
    KarlTheFagGeorgiRose1lonewulf87Tinkerbell_jkramblesateatrayJjkinky49JeffKatarinaKriz
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    lonewulf87JonahSaloslisakath77084eccentric_ladJjkinky49JeffKatarinaKrizKrissiBexohmyjeannine
    Maxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...

    • 157
    • FAVS
    Cunda22knottedwingslonewulf874SLarsJesiraePjustmegirlRRcarlyme23redpawn3
    • 92
    • RETWEETS
    Pmaniac09carlyme23Just_Lee_silent_dreamerlllvvvzzzshakes31471all_about_todaySheri13K
    inconsequentia2
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...

    • 164
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87KatarinaKrizThe_SculptressPatWallaceKrissiBexWhoopdeedoo22shewillbloveddGrumpyBahr
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    theRONALDROTICHAlexKimKEleilanikamalnoduffersGingerVonPaigeMariusStefi247VengefulBlubirdnateog91
    AristotlesNZ__
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    So many lost people in the world. People in jail, those kids in Narnia, people that aren't following me on here, it's just so sad really...

    • 154
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87KatarinaKrizThe_SculptresshighjabiAbysmalrisingcloudypianosKrissiBeximence2
    • 75
    • RETWEETS
    marianhm_meriamivryolwhcloudypianosSouthernStylin1FatherWithTwinsOne_FineMessNYAGAH_
    Toy_A101
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    We should totes stop shortening our words, aite? It's not profesh or adorbs...

    • 134
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87jkramblesKatarinaKrizcloudypianosPatWallaceimence2GrumpyBahrMissMalbec
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    BobbieCalaycayLeleLelesavageKatarinaKrizMissMalbecMultitudes8SouthernStylin1ladybirrrdFifi_Bergere
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The thing is, life is sad but also quite hilarious & I've always been drawn to those who can express that they are not mutually exclusive...

    • 141
    • FAVS
    NursefuratuOriellaROSEOne_FineMessKermitKennanKrissiBexanne_seattleKatarinaKrizcloudypianos
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    One_FineMessBennieDansoneccentric_ladKatarinaKrizdavesalois__silent_dreamerkcirtap11snickuous
    KatarinaKriz
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Let's review before it gets cold today:
    1. It'll be chilly.
    2. This has happened before.
    3. You'll say it's never been this cold.
    4. It has.

    • 132
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizcloudypianosWhoopdeedoo22GrumpyBahrmastergraceyTeejayRushLetsFavmichelleanne29
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushCVTBabySouthernStylin1NYAGAH_zeeanymakhubuCFMEWHOrayyyychslyoung5
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    GF: Stop cracking your toe knuckles!
    ME: We should call them tuckles.
    GF: *smile* So, finger knuckles would be-
    ME: Fuckles.
    *HIGH FIVE*...

    • 129
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizimence2Scott_A_GilmoreLuvrKaycarlyme23KentWGrahamLousyBastardLetsFav
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    shays0122CaptSpatchcockLuvrKaycarlyme23LousyBastardLetsFavSouthernStylin1_Erin_Leong
    dephrank
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Judging from what most frightens my dogs, when the apocalypse comes, it will be heralded by a great rustling of plastic grocery bags...

    • 127
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizfuddlemarkPatWallaceWhoopdeedoo22JohnDuffy21cynicanoldicusLousyBastardLetsFav
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    LetsFavStopMotionDreamSouthernStylin1CVTBabyFifi_BergereAsexualWriterTheDailySchmuckzeeanymakhubu
    PeaceInTruth1piplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The coolest undocumented feature of humans is that when born, if our reflexes are good, we have a brief 80-year window to not be assholes...

    • 117
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizPatWallaceladyjazsjunkbluemelody84stacywawa1SouthernStylin1nikhimselfCVTBaby
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    ladyjazsjunkSouthernStylin1CVTBabyhulloandgetout2PASSaSMILEOne_FineMesszeeanymakhubuslyoung5
    rivetingbonmots
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    I'm my own worst critic. Then, I'm my own best bartender, pharmacist & sultry maiden so life's been alright...

    • 114
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizfuddlemarkVickiSoAwkwardRichHarris2silent_dreamerOliviaScickhatehugCindyBakesIt
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    silent_dreamer69shadesoftaarmc_funbagsTeejayRushgautam17SouthernStylin1TnucTewSaraESpivey
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    My awesomeness is best expressed through an interpretive dance I do after I stub my toe on furniture that hasn't moved in five years...

    • 113
    • FAVS
    SaraESpiveyKatarinaKrizsilent_dreamertubesSCbchbumdeKenstructionnicfit75JGeilsLand
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    SaraESpiveyDebbie_Ward8TheBlessMesssykomom123spunk72LuvPugWICKEDTRUTH01ka_mwana
    VirgoSherry
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    "I don't want to clean dinosaurs today."- my friend. Cuz he has to clean museum dinosaurs today. I HAVE A FRIEND THAT CLEANS DINOSAURS!...

    • 130
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizfuddlemarkNone4MeThanxTeejayRushrobotfightsCVTBabycynicanoldicusLousyBastard
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushCVTBabyLetsFavonume_Maxine12333favstar1000favsJerWaydPeaceInTruth1
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    At some point in my life, I just wanted to be the most prominent laugh in a syndicated sitcom's studio audience...

    • 111
    • FAVS
    UnFitzOne_FineMessKatarinaKriz_Ms_Moneypenny_AvalonLeighSaraESpiveyRichHarris2silent_dreamer
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    One_FineMessSaraESpiveysilent_dreamerTeejayRushCVTBabysilent_musingsLoverOfComics94ladyjazsjunk
    KelFocker
@thetobbie

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