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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    *gay guy hits on me*
    ME: I'm straight.
    GAY GUY: So is spaghetti, until it's hot & wet.
    If any man gets to have me, it's this dude...

    • 1,019
    • FAVS
    Smugisha1JudastheDeviousJohnnyNopolisghetoflipmemphismike71matsikograceescobar340buoyantnihilist
    • 580
    • RETWEETS
    Only1_TNTpatriciakyambadsrlmyrAndy_RichnafskyPreee_pLeeMoreKeepTowSweetgirl2679TexAblaze
    bdbdleeroybrownVirgoSherryshanethevein
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Not going to force my religion down my son's throat. I'd explain the differences & when the time comes, he can choose either Marvel or DC...

    • 564
    • FAVS
    Sayori86ElormDeMcKleinIVXX_MCMXCIIfuxdbitchBoydBritniKatarinaKrizzero3_benzPatWallace
    • 450
    • RETWEETS
    Dan_KunixxElormDeMcKleinfuxdbitchaelizabethb1CelsoPiazzizero3_benzKrissiBexNonsoEagle
    DanKCharnleyCarmel_ColemanMaxine12333notfaizzy
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    CASHIER: 300.

    ME: Ha, like the movie.

    CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld.

    ME: Ha, like the comedian.

    CASHIER: ...

    ME: Ha, like a mime...

    • 463
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizBethie15422027fuddlemarkThe_SculptressPatWallaceKrissiBexAdm3onDxbem
    • 211
    • RETWEETS
    KrissiBexMakkari_AAdm3onMakiSpokeDesanmiJimmyStaxXx__SuchaDumbWorldGrumpyBahr
    BuddyAckerswiftenhaalVodkaMary
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Note that when the power's out & all device batteries are dead, the square things are called books & the moving objects are other humans...

    • 264
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizThe_SculptressPatWallaceKrissiBeximence2Reader_GlennsagemoonstoneRichHarris2
    • 177
    • RETWEETS
    PatWallaceReader_Glennsagemoonstonesilent_dreamerkansaswaggGrumpyBahrWarWithMyMindbenittto8
    JB4RealzSolelyBMaxine12333Tweenyxpiplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Once, on Twitter, I followed a woman & she followed me back & we laughed & talked about life & how she was a man from Brooklyn...

    • 243
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizKYGingermongbowVanCommanderbcolditzcarlyme23fuddlemarkhappensindreams
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    Big_TonyStewartcarlyme23TattleTSisterkimberlybryantIllmattimega_chickUncleBob56_theigirl
    Carmel_ColemanMaxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Notice how atheists are fighting & killing each other again over who doesn't believe in God the most? Oh no wait, that never happens...

    • 178
    • FAVS
    jkramblesateatrayJjkinky49JeffKatarinaKrizThe_SculptresscloudypianosKrissiBeximence2
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    JonahSaloslisakath77084eccentric_ladJjkinky49JeffKatarinaKrizKrissiBexohmyjeanninembichaela
    Maxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just saw my elementary school teacher. Loved her. She blew up a balloon for me once & I stole little gulps of her breath from it all day...

    • 193
    • FAVS
    Plan_BX2christinawilderdodleKatarinaKrizBobDonnelly6carlyme23lilPinthebigCCletusHammer
    • 72
    • RETWEETS
    Plan_BX2mrsbrownboys5carlyme23lilPinthebigCCletusHammerlucite_spinedolphinheartsbizarrequotes
    TheDailySchmuck
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...

    • 151
    • FAVS
    redpawn3jumpdasharkSarahTahboubericonederfulCognitive_DissJust_Lee_KatarinaKrizfuddlemark
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    Just_Lee_silent_dreamerlllvvvzzzshakes31471all_about_todaySheri13Koxomatliempress_audrey
    inconsequentia2
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...

    • 163
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizThe_SculptressPatWallaceKrissiBexWhoopdeedoo22shewillbloveddGrumpyBahrBlairLoudly
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    theRONALDROTICHAlexKimKEleilanikamalnoduffersGingerVonPaigeMariusStefi247VengefulBlubirdnateog91
    AristotlesNZ__
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    So many lost people in the world. People in jail, those kids in Narnia, people that aren't following me on here, it's just so sad really...

    • 153
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizThe_SculptresshighjabiRedmoireShiftcloudypianosKrissiBeximence2Whoopdeedoo22
    • 75
    • RETWEETS
    marianhm_meriamivryolwhcloudypianosSouthernStylin1FatherWithTwinsOne_FineMessNYAGAH_
    Toy_A101
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    We should totes stop shortening our words, aite? It's not profesh or adorbs...

    • 133
    • FAVS
    jkramblesKatarinaKrizcloudypianosPatWallaceimence2GrumpyBahrMissMalbecMultitudes8
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    BobbieCalaycayLeleLelesavageKatarinaKrizMissMalbecMultitudes8SouthernStylin1ladybirrrdFifi_Bergere
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The thing is, life is sad but also quite hilarious & I've always been drawn to those who can express that they are not mutually exclusive...

    • 138
    • FAVS
    KermitKennanKrissiBexanne_seattleKatarinaKrizcloudypianosPatWallaceimence2RichHarris2
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    BennieDansoneccentric_ladKatarinaKrizdavesalois__silent_dreamerkcirtap11snickuousSouthernStylin1
    KatarinaKriz
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Let's review before it gets cold today:
    1. It'll be chilly.
    2. This has happened before.
    3. You'll say it's never been this cold.
    4. It has.

    • 132
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizcloudypianosWhoopdeedoo22GrumpyBahrmastergraceyTeejayRushLetsFavmichelleanne29
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushCVTBabySouthernStylin1NYAGAH_zeeanymakhubuCFMEWHOrayyyychslyoung5
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    GF: Stop cracking your toe knuckles!
    ME: We should call them tuckles.
    GF: *smile* So, finger knuckles would be-
    ME: Fuckles.
    *HIGH FIVE*...

    • 129
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizimence2Scott_A_GilmoreLuvrKaycarlyme23KentWGrahamLousyBastardLetsFav
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    shays0122CaptSpatchcockLuvrKaycarlyme23LousyBastardLetsFavSouthernStylin1_Erin_Leong
    dephrank
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Judging from what most frightens my dogs, when the apocalypse comes, it will be heralded by a great rustling of plastic grocery bags...

    • 127
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizfuddlemarkPatWallaceWhoopdeedoo22JohnDuffy21cynicanoldicusLousyBastardLetsFav
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    LetsFavStopMotionDreamSouthernStylin1CVTBabyFifi_BergereAsexualWriterTheDailySchmuckzeeanymakhubu
    PeaceInTruth1piplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The coolest undocumented feature of humans is that when born, if our reflexes are good, we have a brief 80-year window to not be assholes...

    • 117
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizPatWallaceladyjazsjunkbluemelody84stacywawa1SouthernStylin1nikhimselfCVTBaby
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    ladyjazsjunkSouthernStylin1CVTBabyhulloandgetout2PASSaSMILEOne_FineMesszeeanymakhubuslyoung5
    rivetingbonmots
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    I'm my own worst critic. Then, I'm my own best bartender, pharmacist & sultry maiden so life's been alright...

    • 114
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizfuddlemarkVickiSoAwkwardRichHarris2silent_dreamerOliviaScickhatehugCindyBakesIt
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    silent_dreamer69shadesoftaarmc_funbagsTeejayRushgautam17SouthernStylin1TnucTewSaraESpivey
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    "I don't want to clean dinosaurs today."- my friend. Cuz he has to clean museum dinosaurs today. I HAVE A FRIEND THAT CLEANS DINOSAURS!...

    • 130
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizfuddlemarkNone4MeThanxTeejayRushrobotfightsCVTBabycynicanoldicusLousyBastard
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushCVTBabyLetsFavonume_Maxine12333favstar1000favsJerWaydPeaceInTruth1
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    My awesomeness is best expressed through an interpretive dance I do after I stub my toe on furniture that hasn't moved in five years...

    • 112
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizsilent_dreamertubesSCbchbumdeKenstructionnicfit75JGeilsLandBlondAmbitionTO
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    Debbie_Ward8TheBlessMesssykomom123spunk72LuvPugWICKEDTRUTH01ka_mwana_solarflare
    VirgoSherry
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    My favourite thing about putting up the Christmas tree is how we have glitter all over us cuz we go to the strip club as a family...

    • 121
    • FAVS
    KatarinaKrizwhitnwildMcAssholesTeejayRushCVTBabyLetsFavNYAGAH_silent_musings
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushCVTBabyPaperWashSaraESpiveyonume_themorris23StorminikaTravLeBlanc
@thetobbie

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