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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    *gay guy hits on me*
    ME: I'm straight.
    GAY GUY: So is spaghetti, until it's hot & wet.
    If any man gets to have me, it's this dude...

    • 1,092
    • FAVS
    dietredbullchrismoidTheRealGitDownangghasaputrocutmyownbangsnairobian_moangelotvMimzieK
    • 1,765
    • RETWEETS
    MacDee007Simplycarlitonairobian_sadiebell20alpheusAWMSir_Stanley_Truly_Tlotliiee_Tshelane
    onume_bdbdleeroybrownVirgoSherryshanethevein
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...

    • 216
    • FAVS
    dietredbullTSchultz97cutmyownbangsIsItThatDeep__bobw1ofinancechargeWildeThingyTweetTheDude
    • 1,263
    • RETWEETS
    cideeonecutmyownbangsfinancechargeTweetTheDudesoul_to_squeezPeaceInTruth1davidismyname0lethabomaesela1
    PencilWalrusinconsequentia2
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Not going to force my religion down my son's throat. I'd explain the differences & when the time comes, he can choose either Marvel or DC...

    • 662
    • FAVS
    dietredbullDalmiroValledhilliard74TwitchWasHereDonAndruttosarah6804Connerishstarsstring
    • 502
    • RETWEETS
    sandro_marquesredpawn3GOT7_JinyoungieMizVShanaRose21xmixedfeelingsxmultifacetedacg_troyjohnson
    DanKCharnleyCarmel_ColemanMaxine12333notfaizzy
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    CASHIER: 300.

    ME: Ha, like the movie.

    CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld.

    ME: Ha, like the comedian.

    CASHIER: ...

    ME: Ha, like a mime...

    • 552
    • FAVS
    dietredbullAmazelinnatalkingdonutFoxSaysHaleighBBYMUTHAhopedavis_1MadiTylecookiesnweed
    • 244
    • RETWEETS
    FoxSaysHaleighhopedavis_1GeoroyoohohENlolaverissimoMrNewYork_baliska2jason_harvey
    DanKCharnleyBuddyAckerswiftenhaalVodkaMary
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Note that when the power's out & all device batteries are dead, the square things are called books & the moving objects are other humans...

    • 289
    • FAVS
    dietredbullR1CC1KbenerdistKatieBurnettPencilWalruswoodyseahawRhinoURBluetickhealer
    • 191
    • RETWEETS
    godnojoebenerdistnomes_uKrissiBexRhinoURBluetickhealerMollySneedBardenMs
    JB_4_RealzSolelyBMaxine12333Tweenyxpiplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Once, on Twitter, I followed a woman & she followed me back & we laughed & talked about life & how she was a man from Brooklyn...

    • 274
    • FAVS
    dietredbullleeanncelapinoSassyCaticorniluvshannon2015Neon_Dragonfilmworm85LolabbkfSamInspired
    • 156
    • RETWEETS
    QuietGirlSlyNeon_DragonLolabbkfBlogmonsternet5_Cs_ThisIsDanBMelissaJoy33OfficialDJBuck
    OfficeofSteveCarmel_ColemanMaxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Notice how atheists are fighting & killing each other again over who doesn't believe in God the most? Oh no wait, that never happens...

    • 220
    • FAVS
    dietredbullleeanncelapinoIvanTheSoSoandy_rmz92POOPSCRUFFIN4Ubradley1aTCLifesaverdianamcintosh
    • 125
    • RETWEETS
    IvanTheSoSodianaisokayandy_rmz92bradley1adianamcintoshredheadedlib22EschertologyBloatedCarcass
    Maxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just saw my elementary school teacher. Loved her. She blew up a balloon for me once & I stole little gulps of her breath from it all day...

    • 245
    • FAVS
    dietredbullKatieBurnettDahmerscookpotUlcerCultPencilWalrusMollySneedRueBarb_Adar79Angie
    • 98
    • RETWEETS
    PencilWalrusKrissiBexArtIsMyPornAdrianYoung10LuvPugnomes_uTylerGaborS4CLovedBizzare__
    Tinkerbell_TheDailySchmuck
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    So many lost people in the world. People in jail, those kids in Narnia, people that aren't following me on here, it's just so sad really...

    • 174
    • FAVS
    dietredbullBitchinFestmetaburbiaThatGirlDingChristineVensanhighwayhooliganDennisKaymerborobeaver
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    BitchinFestAsYouNotWishPeaceInTruth1KrissiBexnomes_uOfficeofSteveFRANKSTALICIOUSmarianhm_
    Toy_A101
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...

    • 178
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    dietredbullleeanncelapinoPOOPSCRUFFIN4Ubradley1aSassyCaticornkelvincomedypinocchioooPuercotron
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    themadhatter688AddisonStevens2pinocchiooo5_Cs_KatieBurnettKrissiBextheRonaldRotichAlexkimke
    AristotlesNZ__
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The thing is, life is sad but also quite hilarious & I've always been drawn to those who can express that they are not mutually exclusive...

    • 179
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    KatieBurnettkv8GrumpyBahrhaykshanNaomiGlitterKatRoughRidersimphiwe321toyotaman1988
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    nomes_utoyotaman1988RichHarris2ImsohoppyJ_IllunninatijkstillsAyeshaShoukat99priceyhball7
    LuvPugKatarinaKriz
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    I can still fit into my high school insecurities...

    • 163
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleyKavMikeleeanncelapinoCatherineLMKPOOPSCRUFFIN4Ubradley1aKaufmannRyanKhalizzie_
    • 66
    • RETWEETS
    fromxglodkatiedx3gypsy_feet53KatieBurnettJessCarver674cinnamon_grrlLisaACOTA__MollySneed
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just ate something the size of my head. Nice to know I can fit my head in my gut, incase I need to swallow it in a survival situation...

    • 169
    • FAVS
    dietredbullPeaceInTruth1KatieBurnettMollySneedJohn26649305anandsaysnamxadyoopnative__
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    nomes_uyoopnative__Maxine12333CVTBabyRobMarcus2Priscilla_YEAHTheDailySchmuckdefnotcap
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    We should totes stop shortening our words, aite? It's not profesh or adorbs...

    • 140
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    dietredbullDanKCharnleyKatieBurnettMollySneedwordthrowernomes_ulonewulf87jkrambles
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    nomes_uBobbieCalaycayLeleLelesavageKatarinaKrizMissMalbecMultitudes8SouthernStylin1ladybirrrd
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The thing about human relationships is that one person can be so overcome by a moment while the other person is thinking about KFC...

    • 129
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    kootchiexoxjessmbaumMK_ShenanigansdietredbullCrem_Dela_Emdaniel_frijolesSandyGuestvivalacrap
    • 86
    • RETWEETS
    RaelOsimboLizeylizetteKarimiIreenGeorgyy_SharonKMwangikootchiexoxMK_Shenanigansdaniel_frijoles
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    You'll need to step the fuck back when I air-drum along to my favourite songs. Unless you want to get rock 'n' roll all over your face...

    • 125
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    VerifiedDrunkdmb322dietredbullBlackCheesePieJaySaysStuffTateRyannportlandiagirlBlametheADHD
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    dmb322whatinjapaneseJaySaysStuffLipglosslesboSalmaSalem96lllvvvzzzMohitDeshbhaktallegedlygenius
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Let's review before it gets cold today:
    1. It'll be chilly.
    2. This has happened before.
    3. You'll say it's never been this cold.
    4. It has.

    • 138
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    dietredbullKatieBurnettMollySneedwordthrowerFRANKSTALICIOUSnomes_uKatarinaKrizcloudypianos
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    TeeJayRushCVTBabySouthernStylin1Nyagah_zeeanymakhubuCFMEWHOrayyyychslyoung5
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    GF: Stop cracking your toe knuckles!
    ME: We should call them tuckles.
    GF: *smile* So, finger knuckles would be-
    ME: Fuckles.
    *HIGH FIVE*...

    • 135
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    dietredbullKatieBurnettMollySneednabatalalabalee__FRANKSTALICIOUSnomes_uKatarinaKrizimence2
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    rumanddiabetesnabatalalabalee__RueBarb_shays0122CaptSpatchcockLuvrKaycarlyme23LousyBastard
    dephrank
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The coolest undocumented feature of humans is that when born, if our reflexes are good, we have a brief 80-year window to not be assholes...

    • 131
    • FAVS
    dietredbullbrenbrenwalshPurvoActualbradley1ajordan_strattonMandoMiriprettysnarlsAnnejohnsonmead
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    fromxglodDancingDanBKatieBurnettladyjazsjunkSouthernStylin1CVTBabyhulloandgetout2PASSaSMILE
    rivetingbonmots
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    I'm my own worst critic. Then, I'm my own best bartender, pharmacist & sultry maiden so life's been alright...

    • 130
    • FAVS
    dietredbullonume__troyjohnsonKatieBurnettMollySneedSouldrinker102karsenlaynetheoria850
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    RobMarcus2TheDailySchmucksilent_dreamer69shadesoftaarmc_funbagsTeeJayRushgautam17SouthernStylin1
@thetobbie

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