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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    *gay guy hits on me*
    ME: I'm straight.
    GAY GUY: So is spaghetti, until it's hot & wet.
    If any man gets to have me, it's this dude...

    • 1,186
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    Thepinkparkaiamspacegirlhaymaker72Scotia_NicLowTrickMamaFlashyTaserTrickleVaryTeabourboneyes
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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...

    • 344
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    Thepinkparka10tequilaShotsSlackJawedDrewcaptainbluestarrapa_tweetDaveCountyErikHoggmakweefah
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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Not going to force my religion down my son's throat. I'd explain the differences & when the time comes, he can choose either Marvel or DC...

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    the_anastasiaDrFapFapiamspacegirl10tequilaShotsericonederfulSem_ZenipoBergenBelsonSmuttWhisperer
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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    CASHIER: 300.

    ME: Ha, like the movie.

    CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld.

    ME: Ha, like the comedian.

    CASHIER: ...

    ME: Ha, like a mime...

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    PurvoActualPlanet_Rochelle10tequilaShotsJonahAtkins99holmesy40NaomiGlitterAdar79AngieDoctorFunMan__
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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    I can still fit into my high school insecurities...

    • 424
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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The thing about human relationships is that one person can be so overcome by a moment while the other person is thinking about KFC...

    • 354
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    Cyd10eWhatisKateallimraceczemanekLuisa_BentleylloydrangbigfatgreekOXITarantulaMILF
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    onume_
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Note that when the power's out & all device batteries are dead, the square things are called books & the moving objects are other humans...

    • 311
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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Once, on Twitter, I followed a woman & she followed me back & we laughed & talked about life & how she was a man from Brooklyn...

    • 301
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    PurvoActual10tequilaShotsericonederfuljumpdasharkzubaanparlagaamJohnnyNopolisweathrgirlmargePatheticist
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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Notice how atheists are fighting & killing each other again over who doesn't believe in God the most? Oh no wait, that never happens...

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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just saw my elementary school teacher. Loved her. She blew up a balloon for me once & I stole little gulps of her breath from it all day...

    • 264
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    Oree__AnaisVilliams10tequilaShotsDonSchankeMableGertrudejumpdasharkSabadoGigante89luvmyADHD
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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    I've never met a child named Helen. They're all just born grown women, innit?...

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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The thing is, life is sad but also quite hilarious & I've always been drawn to those who can express that they are not mutually exclusive...

    • 209
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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Unemployment stops being great when you can't afford to drink at noon...

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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...

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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    My nephew with his toy laptop, sits next to me & my real one. I warn him about the patchy wifi. He nods in appreciation...

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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Harry Potter & the continuous underlying sense of inexplicable dread that seems to come from being an adult...

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    10tequilaShotsShoutingGoddessjumpdasharkericonederfulTheDairylandDonKatieBurnettCroweJamHreAmngthDed33
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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    So many lost people in the world. People in jail, those kids in Narnia, people that aren't following me on here, it's just so sad really...

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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    You'll need to step the fuck back when I air-drum along to my favourite songs. Unless you want to get rock 'n' roll all over your face...

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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    We should totes stop shortening our words, aite? It's not profesh or adorbs...

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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just ate something the size of my head. Nice to know I can fit my head in my gut, incase I need to swallow it in a survival situation...

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@thetobbie

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