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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    *gay guy hits on me*
    ME: I'm straight.
    GAY GUY: So is spaghetti, until it's hot & wet.
    If any man gets to have me, it's this dude...

    • 1,143
    • FAVS
    Erisean_LogicSlamacherkrishna_vanEldritchwondersAtheistEyesh_quantOnlyanatheist1ACourtesan
    • 1,824
    • RETWEETS
    krishna_vanalternyaaphrovariirthorjeremy501beersoniceyabbie5674ERN_MalleyscrubTheBoydP
    onume_bdbdleeroybrownVirgoSherryshanethevein
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...

    • 248
    • FAVS
    krishna_vanBaaallsDeeepJGrgsonTheBoydPSkinnerStevenICountBeanssCrowetoonsDawn_M_
    • 1,279
    • RETWEETS
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    PencilWalrusinconsequentia2
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Not going to force my religion down my son's throat. I'd explain the differences & when the time comes, he can choose either Marvel or DC...

    • 764
    • FAVS
    BraveSatchelkrishna_vanTheBoydPSkinnerStevenCrowetoonsinikoblueKeys_ToMelllvvvzzz
    • 589
    • RETWEETS
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    onume_DanKCharnleyOleThickHawkMaxine12333notfaizzy
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    CASHIER: 300.

    ME: Ha, like the movie.

    CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld.

    ME: Ha, like the comedian.

    CASHIER: ...

    ME: Ha, like a mime...

    • 569
    • FAVS
    krishna_vanmc_funbagstechn0craticTheBoydPSkinnerStevenCroweJamBambamVictoriagufaww
    • 253
    • RETWEETS
    krishna_vanmc_funbagsTheBoydPJayZ3uZgontse_nkCanadianMclovinmbozalinaNoSpankYou
    DanKCharnleyBuddyAckerswiftenhaalVodkaMary
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Note that when the power's out & all device batteries are dead, the square things are called books & the moving objects are other humans...

    • 295
    • FAVS
    vegasnitro70TheBoydPkneagreCroweJamBambamVictoriaCanadianMclovindietredbullR1CC1K
    • 197
    • RETWEETS
    vegasnitro70TheBoydPPr1y3kneagreJayZ3uZadam_is_adamantgodnojoebenerdist
    onume_JB4RealzSolelyBMaxine12333tweenyxpiplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Once, on Twitter, I followed a woman & she followed me back & we laughed & talked about life & how she was a man from Brooklyn...

    • 282
    • FAVS
    shade_tea_MaineGuyvegasnitro70TheBoydPCroweJamBambamVictoriaCanadianMclovinennyque
    • 161
    • RETWEETS
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    OfficeofSteveOleThickHawkMaxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Notice how atheists are fighting & killing each other again over who doesn't believe in God the most? Oh no wait, that never happens...

    • 230
    • FAVS
    Feevie_benerdistvegasnitro70TheBoydPSkinnerStevenSoonertekeMiloKilledPunkangghasaputro
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
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    onume_Maxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just saw my elementary school teacher. Loved her. She blew up a balloon for me once & I stole little gulps of her breath from it all day...

    • 251
    • FAVS
    linarsinhonbenerdistTheBoydPCroweJamBambamVictoriaCanadianMclovindietredbullKatieBurnett
    • 109
    • RETWEETS
    linarsinhonbenerdistFavstar250iamszk_TheBoydPfavstar_historysm1krazeeThaPoshKid
    Tinkerbell_TheDailySchmuck
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    I can still fit into my high school insecurities...

    • 204
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    tiReynardsweetg35GravityOfflineralph0world_werebeardcjkballershade_teakashanacauley
    • 81
    • RETWEETS
    _werebeardblock215shoffnkDr_powpowbenerdistTheBoydPfuzzlimedallastowboy22
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The thing about human relationships is that one person can be so overcome by a moment while the other person is thinking about KFC...

    • 174
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    elixiraromaticFatBottomGirl1tiReynardcarleennewton21StGutterLilymissmadisonjoybenerdistTheBoydP
    • 110
    • RETWEETS
    elixiraromaticFatBottomGirl1tiReynardmissmadisonjoybenerdistTheBoydPNyLow9amira_eltaherr
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...

    • 184
    • FAVS
    cjkballerERN_MalleyscrubmissmadisonjoyTheBoydPBambamVictoriaCanadianMclovindietredbullleeanncelapino
    • 80
    • RETWEETS
    cjkballermissmadisonjoyTheBoydPthemadhatter688AddisonStevens2pinocchiooo5_Cs_KatieBurnett
    erased_250968215
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    So many lost people in the world. People in jail, those kids in Narnia, people that aren't following me on here, it's just so sad really...

    • 176
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    BambamVictoriaCanadianMclovindietredbullBitchinFestmetaburbiaThatGirlDingChristineVensanhighwayhooligan
    • 83
    • RETWEETS
    JayZ3uZBitchinFestAsYouNotWishPeaceInTruth1KrissiBexnomes_uOfficeofSteveFRANKSTALICIOUS
    Toy_A101
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The thing is, life is sad but also quite hilarious & I've always been drawn to those who can express that they are not mutually exclusive...

    • 185
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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    We should totes stop shortening our words, aite? It's not profesh or adorbs...

    • 146
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    iTellBadJokesDestineyLynnCristanBBaileyUnFitzBambamVictoriaCanadianMclovindietredbullDanKCharnley
    • 83
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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    You'll need to step the fuck back when I air-drum along to my favourite songs. Unless you want to get rock 'n' roll all over your face...

    • 142
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    _LegallyBland_Tmoney68lvvzzThe_MartiniGirlkatta_IoIkattbarkingtreesinnocent_bitch_Giddythefuckup
    • 84
    • RETWEETS
    lvvzzbarkingtreesGiddythefuckupmweshieyMistriLyniGreenMonkBrocratesTheGr8redjon1212
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just ate something the size of my head. Nice to know I can fit my head in my gut, incase I need to swallow it in a survival situation...

    • 171
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    BambamVictoriaCanadianMclovindietredbullPeaceInTruth1KatieBurnettMollySneedJohn26649305anandsays
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    nomes_uyoopnative__Maxine12333CVTBabyRobMarcus2Priscilla_YEAHTheDailySchmuckdefnotcap
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    GF: Stop cracking your toe knuckles!
    ME: We should call them tuckles.
    GF: *smile* So, finger knuckles would be-
    ME: Fuckles.
    *HIGH FIVE*...

    • 140
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    cloudypianosBambamVictoriaRealPrincessKimsarah_anayaariellemasurWarmCigaretteBulldog0613Bad_Episode
    • 57
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    Sarah_1872CanadianMclovinrumanddiabetesnabatalalabalee__RueBarb_shays0122CaptSpatchcockLuvrKay
    dephrank
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Let's review before it gets cold today:
    1. It'll be chilly.
    2. This has happened before.
    3. You'll say it's never been this cold.
    4. It has.

    • 140
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    BambamVictoriaCanadianMclovindietredbullKatieBurnettMollySneedwordthrowerFRANKSTALICIOUSnomes_u
    • 54
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    TeeJayRushCVTBabySouthernStylin1Nyagah_zeeanymakhubuCFMEWHOrayyyychslyoung5
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Kinda annoying when people use the word "traditional" to describe their values when they really mean racist & bigoted...

    • 119
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    tddfnCristanBBaileyBDGarpBambamVictoriabadfaeReid_COjepschjohnnyMtaigne
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    kayleymaywCristanBBaileyMis2KsBambamVictoriaRealVendettaZALate_MommyxRageAndLovexxSusieKline
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The coolest undocumented feature of humans is that when born, if our reflexes are good, we have a brief 80-year window to not be assholes...

    • 133
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    BambamVictoriaCanadianMclovindietredbullbrenbrenwalshPurvoActualbradley1ajordan_strattonMandoMiri
    • 57
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    fromxglodDancingDanBKatieBurnettladyjazsjunkSouthernStylin1CVTBabyhulloandgetout2PASSaSMILE
    rivetingbonmots
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