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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    *gay guy hits on me*
    ME: I'm straight.
    GAY GUY: So is spaghetti, until it's hot & wet.
    If any man gets to have me, it's this dude...

    • 1,053
    • FAVS
    KhaleddAhmedD_Baggersonjdowning26BrokeassmanasianxmasangelMyRedSolara504zolboo88AshweeNinjaa
    • 1,734
    • RETWEETS
    yesaguyKhaleddAhmedD_Baggersonsyo_kaumucky__bradtaylorbassReyes_TomasCognitive_Diss
    bdbdleeroybrownVirgoSherryshanethevein
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...

    • 165
    • FAVS
    cambusladjay21046265RayRayakaBHFRANKSTALICIOUSnomes_uLilBlueBloodMILFDianeParentpains
    • 1,240
    • RETWEETS
    cambusladRayRayakaBHmtsankaraBekkieBeenomes_uKatina3171a_latrisha60284Filomena3891
    inconsequentia2
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Not going to force my religion down my son's throat. I'd explain the differences & when the time comes, he can choose either Marvel or DC...

    • 622
    • FAVS
    ApapopaltheevilwriterTwistedAndTornkrislynhunterSammyJB121vcavbrycoomattmanic
    • 489
    • RETWEETS
    ApapopalTwistedAndTornmattmanichistwaddlevinique_Hockeyjosh92lejessicaRackap
    DanKCharnleyCarmel_ColemanMaxine12333notfaizzy
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    CASHIER: 300.

    ME: Ha, like the movie.

    CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld.

    ME: Ha, like the comedian.

    CASHIER: ...

    ME: Ha, like a mime...

    • 490
    • FAVS
    nomes_uJjkinky49JeffOne_FineMesshenscheckeoowynn_311Lamin_OocigarettevinesHeltonKGoins
    • 222
    • RETWEETS
    One_FineMesscigarettevinesTMcgutsLosLos__hillswithnoeyesTheRoloBenderIsGreat7MSickayduh
    BuddyAckerswiftenhaalVodkaMary
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Note that when the power's out & all device batteries are dead, the square things are called books & the moving objects are other humans...

    • 277
    • FAVS
    MythicPicnicnomes_ujkramblesSoWeirditsCoolCandyTripComicMalik_85SirenKn1ghtShipInTheKnight
    • 185
    • RETWEETS
    BardenMsMalik_85SirenKn1ghtShipInTheKnightKatarinaKrizElGachokiBySurviveParentpains
    JB4RealzSolelyBMaxine12333Tweenyxpiplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Once, on Twitter, I followed a woman & she followed me back & we laughed & talked about life & how she was a man from Brooklyn...

    • 262
    • FAVS
    nomes_uLilBlueBloodBySurvivebeezus_2LicramXSteveDutzyParentpainsexcusethegoose
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
    BySurviveParentpainsreddoordungeonFavstar250MrsGoose69rankingTweetsCelsoPiazziBig_TonyStewart
    OfficeofSteveCarmel_ColemanMaxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just saw my elementary school teacher. Loved her. She blew up a balloon for me once & I stole little gulps of her breath from it all day...

    • 238
    • FAVS
    Adar79AngieRedNightHawkAKSArtIsMyPornAdrianYoung10gryphon_bgabortedgeevsusericonederfulnomes_u
    • 96
    • RETWEETS
    ArtIsMyPornAdrianYoung10LuvPugnomes_uTylerGaborS4CLovedBizzare__ShipInTheKnightKatarinaKriz
    Tinkerbell_TheDailySchmuck
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Notice how atheists are fighting & killing each other again over who doesn't believe in God the most? Oh no wait, that never happens...

    • 199
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinTheDreschenatorRLopez617skullpuppy11StevisShitticusZwolf666twstedBitchDonSchanke
    • 107
    • RETWEETS
    btrayn1skullpuppy11twstedBitchform52marebytesFRANKSTALICIOUSlonewulf87JonahSalos
    Maxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    So many lost people in the world. People in jail, those kids in Narnia, people that aren't following me on here, it's just so sad really...

    • 162
    • FAVS
    geeemmpeeLunaLove47Spanky_JaneFeenohmenalThatMannFreemarebytesUnFitznomes_u
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    OfficeofSteveFRANKSTALICIOUSmarianhm_meriamivryolwhcloudypianosSouthernStylin1FatherWithTwins
    Toy_A101
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...

    • 165
    • FAVS
    nomes_ulonewulf87KatarinaKrizThe_SculptressPatWallaceKrissiBexWhoopdeedoo22shewillblovedd
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    theRONALDROTICHAlexKimKEleilanikamalnoduffersGingerVonPaigeMariusStefi247VengefulBlubirdnateog91
    AristotlesNZ__
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    We should totes stop shortening our words, aite? It's not profesh or adorbs...

    • 135
    • FAVS
    nomes_ulonewulf87jkramblesKatarinaKrizcloudypianosPatWallaceimence2GrumpyBahr
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    nomes_uBobbieCalaycayLeleLelesavageKatarinaKrizMissMalbecMultitudes8SouthernStylin1ladybirrrd
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The thing is, life is sad but also quite hilarious & I've always been drawn to those who can express that they are not mutually exclusive...

    • 148
    • FAVS
    Feenohmenal_ashleyydawnnkatspaksfunnybeachgirlmarebytesUnFitznomes_uNursefuratu
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    katspaksOfficeofSteveFRANKSTALICIOUSOne_FineMessBennieDansoneccentric_ladKatarinaKrizdavesalois__
    KatarinaKriz
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Let's review before it gets cold today:
    1. It'll be chilly.
    2. This has happened before.
    3. You'll say it's never been this cold.
    4. It has.

    • 134
    • FAVS
    FRANKSTALICIOUSnomes_uKatarinaKrizcloudypianosWhoopdeedoo22GrumpyBahrmastergraceyTeejayRush
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushCVTBabySouthernStylin1NYAGAH_zeeanymakhubuCFMEWHOrayyyychslyoung5
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    GF: Stop cracking your toe knuckles!
    ME: We should call them tuckles.
    GF: *smile* So, finger knuckles would be-
    ME: Fuckles.
    *HIGH FIVE*...

    • 131
    • FAVS
    FRANKSTALICIOUSnomes_uKatarinaKrizimence2Scott_A_GilmoreLuvrKaycarlyme23KentWGraham
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    shays0122CaptSpatchcockLuvrKaycarlyme23LousyBastardLetsFavSouthernStylin1_Erin_Leong
    dephrank
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Judging from what most frightens my dogs, when the apocalypse comes, it will be heralded by a great rustling of plastic grocery bags...

    • 128
    • FAVS
    nomes_uKatarinaKrizfuddlemarkPatWallaceWhoopdeedoo22JohnDuffy21cynicanoldicusLousyBastard
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    LetsFavStopMotionDreamSouthernStylin1CVTBabyFifi_BorgiaAsexualWriterTheDailySchmuckzeeanymakhubu
    PeaceInTruth1piplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The coolest undocumented feature of humans is that when born, if our reflexes are good, we have a brief 80-year window to not be assholes...

    • 119
    • FAVS
    FRANKSTALICIOUSnomes_uKatarinaKrizPatWallaceladyjazsjunkbluemelody84stacywawa1SouthernStylin1
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    ladyjazsjunkSouthernStylin1CVTBabyhulloandgetout2PASSaSMILEOne_FineMesszeeanymakhubuslyoung5
    rivetingbonmots
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    I'm my own worst critic. Then, I'm my own best bartender, pharmacist & sultry maiden so life's been alright...

    • 116
    • FAVS
    nomes_uFRANKSTALICIOUSKatarinaKrizfuddlemarkVickiSoAwkwardRichHarris2silent_dreamerOliviaScick
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    silent_dreamer69shadesoftaarmc_funbagsTeejayRushgautam17SouthernStylin1TnucTewSaraESpivey
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    My awesomeness is best expressed through an interpretive dance I do after I stub my toe on furniture that hasn't moved in five years...

    • 116
    • FAVS
    marebytesFRANKSTALICIOUSnomes_uSaraESpiveyKatarinaKrizsilent_dreamertubesSCbchbum
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    FRANKSTALICIOUSSaraESpiveyDebbie_Ward8TheBlessMesssykomom123spunk72LuvPugWICKEDTRUTH01
    VirgoSherry
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    "I don't want to clean dinosaurs today."- my friend. Cuz he has to clean museum dinosaurs today. I HAVE A FRIEND THAT CLEANS DINOSAURS!...

    • 131
    • FAVS
    nomes_uKatarinaKrizfuddlemarkNone4MeThanxTeejayRushrobotfightsCVTBabycynicanoldicus
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushCVTBabyLetsFavonume_Maxine12333favstar1000favsJerWaydPeaceInTruth1
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    At some point in my life, I just wanted to be the most prominent laugh in a syndicated sitcom's studio audience...

    • 115
    • FAVS
    marebytesFRANKSTALICIOUSMythicPicnicnomes_uUnFitzOne_FineMessKatarinaKriz_Ms_Moneypenny_
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    FRANKSTALICIOUSOne_FineMessSaraESpiveysilent_dreamerTeejayRushCVTBabysilent_musingsLoverOfComics94
    KelFocker
@thetobbie

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