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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    *gay guy hits on me*
    ME: I'm straight.
    GAY GUY: So is spaghetti, until it's hot & wet.
    If any man gets to have me, it's this dude...

    • 1,088
    • FAVS
    nairobian_moangelotvMimzieKMissNgidiAphro3ticsuvmpQaris__Nzuki
    • 1,764
    • RETWEETS
    Simplycarlitonairobian_sadiebell20alpheusAWMSir_Stanley_Truly_Tlotliiee_TshelaneMissNgidi
    bdbdleeroybrownVirgoSherryshanethevein
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...

    • 208
    • FAVS
    _troyjohnsonHormonellasweetg35cynthiacallisonSteffieSnickersmakriekoslethabomaesela1StepheHawthorne
    • 1,261
    • RETWEETS
    soul_to_squeezPeaceInTruth1davidismyname0lethabomaesela1XOSchitzorrmostertKatieBurnettNafsonkay
    PencilWalrusinconsequentia2
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Not going to force my religion down my son's throat. I'd explain the differences & when the time comes, he can choose either Marvel or DC...

    • 661
    • FAVS
    DalmiroValledhilliard74TwitchWasHereDonAndruttosarah6804ConnerishstarsstringConfusedDouche
    • 500
    • RETWEETS
    redpawn3GOT7_JinyoungieMizVShanaRose21xmixedfeelingsxmultifacetedacg_troyjohnsonbitchville
    DanKCharnleyCarmel_ColemanMaxine12333notfaizzy
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    CASHIER: 300.

    ME: Ha, like the movie.

    CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld.

    ME: Ha, like the comedian.

    CASHIER: ...

    ME: Ha, like a mime...

    • 511
    • FAVS
    Blarebare_troyjohnsonKatieBurnettTHE7thCPencilWalrusFudgeRobotMollySneedislander_di
    • 228
    • RETWEETS
    _troyjohnsonPencilWalrusfavstar_historymonoTONYcornerofjusticeLuvPugOne_FineMesscigarettevines
    BuddyAckerswiftenhaalVodkaMary
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Note that when the power's out & all device batteries are dead, the square things are called books & the moving objects are other humans...

    • 288
    • FAVS
    R1CC1KbenerdistKatieBurnettPencilWalruswoodyseahawRhinoURBluetickhealerkitchenartist
    • 191
    • RETWEETS
    godnojoebenerdistnomes_uKrissiBexRhinoURBluetickhealerMollySneedBardenMs
    JB_4_RealzSolelyBMaxine12333Tweenyxpiplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Once, on Twitter, I followed a woman & she followed me back & we laughed & talked about life & how she was a man from Brooklyn...

    • 266
    • FAVS
    ShoutingGoddessKatieBurnettPencilWalrusMollySneedwordthrowernomes_uLilBlueBloodBySurvive
    • 147
    • RETWEETS
    TheMobWifethetobbiertsKrissiBexBySurviveParentpainsreddoordungeonFavstar250MrsGoose69
    OfficeofSteveCarmel_ColemanMaxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just saw my elementary school teacher. Loved her. She blew up a balloon for me once & I stole little gulps of her breath from it all day...

    • 244
    • FAVS
    KatieBurnettDahmerscookpotUlcerCultPencilWalrusMollySneedRueBarb_Adar79AngieRedNightHawkAKS
    • 98
    • RETWEETS
    PencilWalrusKrissiBexArtIsMyPornAdrianYoung10LuvPugnomes_uTylerGaborS4CLovedBizzare__
    Tinkerbell_TheDailySchmuck
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Notice how atheists are fighting & killing each other again over who doesn't believe in God the most? Oh no wait, that never happens...

    • 201
    • FAVS
    KatieBurnettMollySneedCanadianMclovinTheDreschenatorRLopez617skullpuppy11StevisShitticusZwolf666
    • 110
    • RETWEETS
    Gama_MaverickGorillaOdiannlyn1955btrayn1skullpuppy11twstedBitchform52marebytes
    Maxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    So many lost people in the world. People in jail, those kids in Narnia, people that aren't following me on here, it's just so sad really...

    • 173
    • FAVS
    BitchinFestmetaburbiaThatGirlDingChristineVensanhighwayhooliganDennisKaymerborobeaverAsYouNotWish
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    BitchinFestAsYouNotWishPeaceInTruth1KrissiBexnomes_uOfficeofSteveFRANKSTALICIOUSmarianhm_
    Toy_A101
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The thing is, life is sad but also quite hilarious & I've always been drawn to those who can express that they are not mutually exclusive...

    • 179
    • FAVS
    KatieBurnettkv8GrumpyBahrhaykshanNaomiGlitterKatRoughRidersimphiwe321toyotaman1988
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    nomes_utoyotaman1988RichHarris2ImsohoppyJ_IllunninatijkstillsAyeshaShoukat99priceyhball7
    LuvPugKatarinaKriz
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...

    • 168
    • FAVS
    KatieBurnettMollySneedwordthrowernomes_ulonewulf87KatarinaKrizThe_SculptressPatWallace
    • 72
    • RETWEETS
    KrissiBextheRonaldRotichAlexkimkeleilanikamalnoduffers__Syncophant__MariusStefi247VengefulBlubird
    AristotlesNZ__
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just ate something the size of my head. Nice to know I can fit my head in my gut, incase I need to swallow it in a survival situation...

    • 168
    • FAVS
    PeaceInTruth1KatieBurnettMollySneedJohn26649305anandsaysnamxadyoopnative__thedailymarker
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    nomes_uyoopnative__Maxine12333CVTBabyRobMarcus2Priscilla_YEAHTheDailySchmuckdefnotcap
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    We should totes stop shortening our words, aite? It's not profesh or adorbs...

    • 138
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    KatieBurnettMollySneedwordthrowernomes_ulonewulf87jkramblesKatarinaKrizcloudypianos
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    nomes_uBobbieCalaycayLeleLelesavageKatarinaKrizMissMalbecMultitudes8SouthernStylin1ladybirrrd
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    I can still fit into my high school insecurities...

    • 150
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    KatieBurnettJessCarver674marcusbusterallthingspoeticLisaACOTAGettinloimstephloganTAHomeless
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    JessCarver674cinnamon_grrlLisaACOTAMollySneedGrunge_Girl7AmandaSopranoTheDailySchmuckBTragic672
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Let's review before it gets cold today:
    1. It'll be chilly.
    2. This has happened before.
    3. You'll say it's never been this cold.
    4. It has.

    • 137
    • FAVS
    KatieBurnettMollySneedwordthrowerFRANKSTALICIOUSnomes_uKatarinaKrizcloudypianosWhoopdeedoo22
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    TeeJayRushCVTBabySouthernStylin1NYAGAH_zeeanymakhubuCFMEWHOrayyyychslyoung5
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    GF: Stop cracking your toe knuckles!
    ME: We should call them tuckles.
    GF: *smile* So, finger knuckles would be-
    ME: Fuckles.
    *HIGH FIVE*...

    • 134
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    KatieBurnettMollySneednabatalalabalee__FRANKSTALICIOUSnomes_uKatarinaKrizimence2Scott_A_Gilmore
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    rumanddiabetesnabatalalabalee__RueBarb_shays0122CaptSpatchcockLuvrKaycarlyme23LousyBastard
    dephrank
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    I'm my own worst critic. Then, I'm my own best bartender, pharmacist & sultry maiden so life's been alright...

    • 128
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    _troyjohnsonKatieBurnettMollySneedSouldrinker102karsenlaynetheoria850RobMarcus2Eenfidel
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    RobMarcus2TheDailySchmucksilent_dreamer69shadesoftaarmc_funbagsTeeJayRushgautam17SouthernStylin1
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Judging from what most frightens my dogs, when the apocalypse comes, it will be heralded by a great rustling of plastic grocery bags...

    • 130
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    KatieBurnettMollySneednomes_uKatarinaKrizfuddlemarkPatWallaceWhoopdeedoo22JohnDuffy21
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    LetsFavStopMotionDreamSouthernStylin1CVTBabyFifi_BorgiaAsexualWriterTheDailySchmuckzeeanymakhubu
    PeaceInTruth1piplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The coolest undocumented feature of humans is that when born, if our reflexes are good, we have a brief 80-year window to not be assholes...

    • 123
    • FAVS
    KatieBurnettMollySneedFeenohmenalwordthrowerFRANKSTALICIOUSnomes_uKatarinaKrizPatWallace
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    ladyjazsjunkSouthernStylin1CVTBabyhulloandgetout2PASSaSMILEOne_FineMesszeeanymakhubuslyoung5
    rivetingbonmots
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    My awesomeness is best expressed through an interpretive dance I do after I stub my toe on furniture that hasn't moved in five years...

    • 121
    • FAVS
    KatieBurnettMollySneedJaneDozey_ZackLewisallthingspoeticTheDailySchmuckmarebytesFRANKSTALICIOUS
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    silent_dreamernomes_ulaydedi67TheDailySchmuckFRANKSTALICIOUSSaraESpiveyDebbie_Ward8TheBlessMess
    VirgoSherry
@thetobbie

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