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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    *gay guy hits on me*
    ME: I'm straight.
    GAY GUY: So is spaghetti, until it's hot & wet.
    If any man gets to have me, it's this dude...

    • 1,055
    • FAVS
    islander_dili4mst3w4rtallCATS_noFUCKSKhaleddAhmedD_Baggersonjdowning26Brokeassmanasianxmasangel
    • 1,736
    • RETWEETS
    RueBarb_fuckgarrettyesaguyKhaleddAhmedD_Baggersonsyo_kaumucky__bradtaylorbass
    bdbdleeroybrownVirgoSherryshanethevein
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...

    • 184
    • FAVS
    islander_diCassadyBourbonaveuaskewlaurajennyjocaseyjparkerMirabelleMarieSkyeriseGemTheRealMszee
    • 1,251
    • RETWEETS
    TheRealMszeeitsdanielletbhMeekMeek77ericonederfulHmmmLetsNotthepelosamiabooo1LuvPug
    inconsequentia2
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Not going to force my religion down my son's throat. I'd explain the differences & when the time comes, he can choose either Marvel or DC...

    • 625
    • FAVS
    islander_diPorraLiporacili4mst3w4rtwordthrowerApapopaltheevilwriterTwistedAndTornkrislynhunter
    • 489
    • RETWEETS
    PorraLiporaciApapopalTwistedAndTornmattmanichistwaddlevinique_Hockeyjosh92lejessica
    DanKCharnleyCarmel_ColemanMaxine12333notfaizzy
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    CASHIER: 300.

    ME: Ha, like the movie.

    CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld.

    ME: Ha, like the comedian.

    CASHIER: ...

    ME: Ha, like a mime...

    • 504
    • FAVS
    islander_didonaldrevericonederfulKnoxvilleRobprettysadmostlymonoTONYcornerofjusticeSammiePhuket
    • 225
    • RETWEETS
    monoTONYcornerofjusticeLuvPugOne_FineMesscigarettevinesTMcgutsLosLos__hillswithnoeyes
    BuddyAckerswiftenhaalVodkaMary
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Note that when the power's out & all device batteries are dead, the square things are called books & the moving objects are other humans...

    • 279
    • FAVS
    ShoutingGoddesswordthrowerMythicPicnicnomes_ujkramblesSoWeirditsCoolCandyTripComicMalik_85
    • 185
    • RETWEETS
    BardenMsMalik_85SirenKn1ghtShipInTheKnightKatarinaKrizElGachokiBySurviveParentpains__
    JB_4_RealzSolelyBMaxine12333Tweenyxpiplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Once, on Twitter, I followed a woman & she followed me back & we laughed & talked about life & how she was a man from Brooklyn...

    • 263
    • FAVS
    wordthrowernomes_uLilBlueBloodBySurvivebeezus_2LicramXSteveDutzyParentpains__
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
    BySurviveParentpains__reddoordungeonFavstar250MrsGoose69rankingTweetsCelsoPiazziBig_TonyStewart
    OfficeofSteveCarmel_ColemanMaxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just saw my elementary school teacher. Loved her. She blew up a balloon for me once & I stole little gulps of her breath from it all day...

    • 239
    • FAVS
    RueBarb_Adar79AngieRedNightHawkAKSArtIsMyPornAdrianYoung10gryphon_bgabortedgeevsusericonederful
    • 96
    • RETWEETS
    ArtIsMyPornAdrianYoung10LuvPugnomes_uTylerGaborS4CLovedBizzare__ShipInTheKnightKatarinaKriz
    Tinkerbell_TheDailySchmuck
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Notice how atheists are fighting & killing each other again over who doesn't believe in God the most? Oh no wait, that never happens...

    • 199
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinTheDreschenatorRLopez617skullpuppy11StevisShitticusZwolf666twstedBitchDonSchanke
    • 108
    • RETWEETS
    annlyn1955btrayn1skullpuppy11twstedBitchform52marebytesFRANKSTALICIOUSlonewulf87
    Maxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    So many lost people in the world. People in jail, those kids in Narnia, people that aren't following me on here, it's just so sad really...

    • 163
    • FAVS
    ThatDentGirlgeeemmpeeLunaLove47Spanky_JaneFeenohmenalThatMannFreemarebytesUnFitz
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    nomes_uOfficeofSteveFRANKSTALICIOUSmarianhm_meriamivryolwhcloudypianosSouthernStylin1
    Toy_A101
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...

    • 166
    • FAVS
    wordthrowernomes_ulonewulf87KatarinaKrizThe_SculptressPatWallaceKrissiBexWhoopdeedoo22
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    theRONALDROTICHAlexKimKEleilanikamalnoduffersGingerVonPaigeMariusStefi247VengefulBlubirdnateog91
    AristotlesNZ
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    We should totes stop shortening our words, aite? It's not profesh or adorbs...

    • 136
    • FAVS
    wordthrowernomes_ulonewulf87jkramblesKatarinaKrizcloudypianosPatWallaceimence2
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    nomes_uBobbieCalaycayLeleLelesavageKatarinaKrizMissMalbecMultitudes8SouthernStylin1ladybirrrd
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just ate something the size of my head. Nice to know I can fit my head in my gut, incase I need to swallow it in a survival situation...

    • 164
    • FAVS
    John26649305anandsaysnamxadyoopnativethedailymarkerGingerVonPaigeKellySi24841815Maxine12333
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    yoopnativeMaxine12333CVTBabyRobMarcus2Priscilla_YEAHTheDailySchmuckdefnotcapkjstog
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The thing is, life is sad but also quite hilarious & I've always been drawn to those who can express that they are not mutually exclusive...

    • 149
    • FAVS
    wordthrowerFeenohmenal_ashleyydawnnkatspaksfunnybeachgirlmarebytesUnFitznomes_u
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    katspaksOfficeofSteveFRANKSTALICIOUSOne_FineMessBennieDansoneccentric_ladKatarinaKrizdavesalois__
    KatarinaKriz
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    I can still fit into my high school insecurities...

    • 140
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    mediocregeeGrunge_Girl7oceanmist1224theoria850iMac1975AmandaSopranoFroDiddleyKvellingKayla
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    Grunge_Girl7AmandaSopranoTheDailySchmuckBTragic672luftbahuhnkeepitrealmomshort_strawbetowmx
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Let's review before it gets cold today:
    1. It'll be chilly.
    2. This has happened before.
    3. You'll say it's never been this cold.
    4. It has.

    • 135
    • FAVS
    wordthrowerFRANKSTALICIOUSnomes_uKatarinaKrizcloudypianosWhoopdeedoo22GrumpyBahrmastergracey
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    TeeJayRushCVTBabySouthernStylin1NYAGAH_zeeanymakhubuCFMEWHOrayyyychslyoung5
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    GF: Stop cracking your toe knuckles!
    ME: We should call them tuckles.
    GF: *smile* So, finger knuckles would be-
    ME: Fuckles.
    *HIGH FIVE*...

    • 132
    • FAVS
    natalayhehooFRANKSTALICIOUSnomes_uKatarinaKrizimence2Scott_A_GilmoreLuvrKaycarlyme23
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    rumanddiabetesnatalayhehooRueBarb_shays0122CaptSpatchcockLuvrKaycarlyme23LousyBastard
    dephrank
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    I'm my own worst critic. Then, I'm my own best bartender, pharmacist & sultry maiden so life's been alright...

    • 125
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    Souldrinker102karsenlaynetheoria850RobMarcus2EenfidelFroDiddleyA_SowderzTheDailySchmuck
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    RobMarcus2TheDailySchmucksilent_dreamer69shadesoftaarmc_funbagsTeeJayRushgautam17SouthernStylin1
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Judging from what most frightens my dogs, when the apocalypse comes, it will be heralded by a great rustling of plastic grocery bags...

    • 128
    • FAVS
    nomes_uKatarinaKrizfuddlemarkPatWallaceWhoopdeedoo22JohnDuffy21cynicanoldicusLousyBastard
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    LetsFavStopMotionDreamSouthernStylin1CVTBabyFifi_BorgiaAsexualWriterTheDailySchmuckzeeanymakhubu
    PeaceInTruth1piplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The coolest undocumented feature of humans is that when born, if our reflexes are good, we have a brief 80-year window to not be assholes...

    • 121
    • FAVS
    FeenohmenalwordthrowerFRANKSTALICIOUSnomes_uKatarinaKrizPatWallaceladyjazsjunkbluemelody84
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    ladyjazsjunkSouthernStylin1CVTBabyhulloandgetout2PASSaSMILEOne_FineMesszeeanymakhubuslyoung5
    rivetingbonmots
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    My awesomeness is best expressed through an interpretive dance I do after I stub my toe on furniture that hasn't moved in five years...

    • 118
    • FAVS
    _ZackLewisallthingspoeticTheDailySchmuckmarebytesFRANKSTALICIOUSnomes_uSaraESpiveyKatarinaKriz
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    nomes_ulaydedi67TheDailySchmuckFRANKSTALICIOUSSaraESpiveyDebbie_Ward8TheBlessMesssykomom123
    VirgoSherry
@thetobbie

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