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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    *gay guy hits on me*
    ME: I'm straight.
    GAY GUY: So is spaghetti, until it's hot & wet.
    If any man gets to have me, it's this dude...

    • 917
    • FAVS
    cloudypianosArroiaPatWallaceKrissiBexkimcuriouslyshennacrowner36alliclellandjuhnetta
    • 523
    • RETWEETS
    KrissiBexSumbuddynuinsta_quadsCommndrAlxanderSithLordYodadvowelDawnLovesZombieOneloveAJA
    bdbdleeroybrownVirgoSherryshanethevein
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Not going to force my religion down my son's throat. I'd explain the differences & when the time comes, he can choose either Marvel or DC...

    • 559
    • FAVS
    PatWallaceKrissiBeximence2XandraPatrickstabiniDuMaybiiDesanmiBIueSunshine
    • 445
    • RETWEETS
    KrissiBexNonsoEagleiamMaka_Veligraham_TeleNozaTidijiistabiniDesanmiJimmyStaxXx
    DanKCharnleyCarmel_ColemanMaxine12333notfaizzy
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    CASHIER: 300.

    ME: Ha, like the movie.

    CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld.

    ME: Ha, like the comedian.

    CASHIER: ...

    ME: Ha, like a mime...

    • 459
    • FAVS
    PatWallaceKrissiBexAdm3onDxbemBIueSunshineGingerVonPaigeSuchaDumbWorld662x3
    • 211
    • RETWEETS
    KrissiBexMakkari_AAdm3onMakiSpokeDesanmiJimmyStaxXxSuchaDumbWorldGrumpyBahr
    BuddyAckerswiftenhaalVodkaMary
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Note that when the power's out & all device batteries are dead, the square things are called books & the moving objects are other humans...

    • 262
    • FAVS
    PatWallaceKrissiBeximence2Reader_GlennsagemoonstoneRichHarris2silent_dreamerWhoopdeedoo22
    • 177
    • RETWEETS
    PatWallaceReader_Glennsagemoonstonesilent_dreamerkansaswaggGrumpyBahrWarWithMyMindbenittto8
    JB4RealzSolelyBMaxine12333Tweenyxpiplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Once, on Twitter, I followed a woman & she followed me back & we laughed & talked about life & how she was a man from Brooklyn...

    • 225
    • FAVS
    cloudypianosKrissiBeximence2Whoopdeedoo22GrumpyBahrJohnDuffy21EpicurusRisingdaniel_shaw
    • 123
    • RETWEETS
    IpheyMJimmyStaxXxsamhar1811CVTBabyGhetto_TrophyLetsFavSouthernStylin1donkirgit
    Carmel_ColemanMaxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Notice how atheists are fighting & killing each other again over who doesn't believe in God the most? Oh no wait, that never happens...

    • 173
    • FAVS
    cloudypianosKrissiBeximence2OliviaScickWhoopdeedoo22GrumpyBahrMaybe_TumorrowArchaeomyste
    • 97
    • RETWEETS
    KrissiBexohmyjeanninembichaelagreatfox44silent_musingslisa_wegnerargonautleaderjimandrewsmusic
    Maxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...

    • 143
    • FAVS
    cloudypianosKrissiBexblondecoffeeimence2RichHarris2noshad_tanolisilent_dreamerGrumpyBahr
    • 90
    • RETWEETS
    silent_dreamerlllvvvzzzshakes31471all_about_todaySheri13Koxomatliempress_audreyDONTJIMMYMEJULZ
    inconsequentia2
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...

    • 161
    • FAVS
    PatWallaceKrissiBexWhoopdeedoo22shewillbloveddGrumpyBahrBlairLoudlyhaymaker72badgyalofoslo
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    theRONALDROTICHAlexKimKEleilanikamalnoduffersGingerVonPaigeMariusStefi247VengefulBlubirdnateog91
    AristotlesNZ__
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    So many lost people in the world. People in jail, those kids in Narnia, people that aren't following me on here, it's just so sad really...

    • 151
    • FAVS
    highjabiDarlaWrencloudypianosKrissiBeximence2Whoopdeedoo22GrumpyBahrKentWGraham
    • 75
    • RETWEETS
    marianhm_meriamivryolwhcloudypianosSouthernStylin1FatherWithTwinsOne_FineMessNYAGAH_
    Toy_A101
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just saw my elementary school teacher. Loved her. She blew up a balloon for me once & I stole little gulps of her breath from it all day...

    • 165
    • FAVS
    cloudypianosPatWallaceKrissiBeximence2GrumpyBahrJB4RealzSouthernStylin1NYAGAH_
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    SouthernStylin1NYAGAH_weakenedvampireShoutingGoddessthedailymarkerlvvzzSarahFemmethetobbierts
    TheDailySchmuck
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    We should totes stop shortening our words, aite? It's not profesh or adorbs...

    • 131
    • FAVS
    cloudypianosPatWallaceimence2GrumpyBahrMissMalbecMultitudes8MattBowdoSouthernStylin1
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    MissMalbecMultitudes8SouthernStylin1ladybirrrdFifi_BergereTheDailySchmuckMah_lanReillyBarb
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Let's review before it gets cold today:
    1. It'll be chilly.
    2. This has happened before.
    3. You'll say it's never been this cold.
    4. It has.

    • 131
    • FAVS
    cloudypianosWhoopdeedoo22GrumpyBahrmastergraceyTeejayRushLetsFavmichelleanne29SouthernStylin1
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushCVTBabySouthernStylin1NYAGAH_zeeanymakhubuCFMEWHOrayyyychslyoung5
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The thing is, life is sad but also quite hilarious & I've always been drawn to those who can express that they are not mutually exclusive...

    • 134
    • FAVS
    cloudypianosPatWallaceimence2RichHarris2silent_dreamerOliviaScickthe_anastasiaDickensnyc
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    davesaloissilent_dreamerkcirtap11snickuousSouthernStylin1urekasgoldTheDailySchmuckX_xMunchies_S
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    GF: Stop cracking your toe knuckles!
    ME: We should call them tuckles.
    GF: *smile* So, finger knuckles would be-
    ME: Fuckles.
    *HIGH FIVE*...

    • 128
    • FAVS
    imence2Scott_A_GilmoreLuvrKaycarlyme23KentWGrahamLousyBastardLetsFavSouthernStylin1
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    shays0122CaptSpatchcockLuvrKaycarlyme23LousyBastardLetsFavSouthernStylin1_Erin_Leong
    dephrank
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Judging from what most frightens my dogs, when the apocalypse comes, it will be heralded by a great rustling of plastic grocery bags...

    • 125
    • FAVS
    PatWallaceWhoopdeedoo22JohnDuffy21cynicanoldicusLousyBastardLetsFavMattBowdoSouthernStylin1
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    LetsFavStopMotionDreamSouthernStylin1CVTBabyFifi_BergereAsexualWriterTheDailySchmuckzeeanymakhubu
    PeaceInTruth1piplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The coolest undocumented feature of humans is that when born, if our reflexes are good, we have a brief 80-year window to not be assholes...

    • 116
    • FAVS
    PatWallaceladyjazsjunkbluemelody84stacywawa1SouthernStylin1nikhimselfCVTBabyHypercraxy
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    ladyjazsjunkSouthernStylin1CVTBabyhulloandgetout2PASSaSMILEOne_FineMesszeeanymakhubuslyoung5
    rivetingbonmots
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    I'm my own worst critic. Then, I'm my own best bartender, pharmacist & sultry maiden so life's been alright...

    • 112
    • FAVS
    VickiSoAwkwardRichHarris2silent_dreamerOliviaScickhatehugCindyBakesItmc_funbagsTeejayRush
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    silent_dreamer69shadesoftaarmc_funbagsTeejayRushgautam17SouthernStylin1TnucTewSaraESpivey
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    "I don't want to clean dinosaurs today."- my friend. Cuz he has to clean museum dinosaurs today. I HAVE A FRIEND THAT CLEANS DINOSAURS!...

    • 128
    • FAVS
    None4MeThanxTeejayRushrobotfightsCVTBabycynicanoldicusLousyBastardLetsFavNYAGAH_
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushCVTBabyLetsFavonume_Maxine12333favstar1000favsJerWaydPeaceInTruth1
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    My awesomeness is best expressed through an interpretive dance I do after I stub my toe on furniture that hasn't moved in five years...

    • 110
    • FAVS
    silent_dreamertubesSCbchbumdeKenstructionnicfit75JGeilsLandBlondAmbitionTOButIWasThinking
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    Debbie_Ward8TheBlessMesssykomom123spunk72LuvPugWICKEDTRUTH01ka_mwana_solarflare
    VirgoSherry
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    My favourite thing about putting up the Christmas tree is how we have glitter all over us cuz we go to the strip club as a family...

    • 120
    • FAVS
    whitnwildMcAssholesTeejayRushCVTBabyLetsFavNYAGAH_silent_musingsAspersioncast
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushCVTBabyPaperWashSaraESpiveyonume_themorris23StorminikaTravLeBlanc
@thetobbie

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