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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    *gay guy hits on me*
    ME: I'm straight.
    GAY GUY: So is spaghetti, until it's hot & wet.
    If any man gets to have me, it's this dude...

    • 793
    • FAVS
    OtisPdQKarlTheFagKentWGrahamROGERNEAL69GilbertGlenRambleOfaReeferBartenderPleezToy_A101
    • 455
    • RETWEETS
    KarlTheFagCaseyWinehouseGhetto_TrophyLetsFavSouthernStylin1jestcoastamazoniantatterbie3
    bdbdleeroybrownVirgoSherryshanethevein
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Not going to force my religion down my son's throat. I'd explain the differences & when the time comes, he can choose either Marvel or DC...

    • 478
    • FAVS
    KentWGrahammsdanifernandezcloudypianoskrhisn8kelkulusGhetto_TrophyJB4RealzSouthernStylin1
    • 381
    • RETWEETS
    erivvsMcGuireMichaelPkikistaticDeen_AcesAzRonnLike_A_256BossWannabeTrollcaampaire
    DanKCharnleyCarmel_ColemanMaxine12333notfaizzy
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    CASHIER: 300.

    ME: Ha, like the movie.

    CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld.

    ME: Ha, like the comedian.

    CASHIER: ...

    ME: Ha, like a mime...

    • 442
    • FAVS
    DrangulaKentWGrahamcfishingJB4RealzcynicanoldicusLetsFavSouthernStylin1NYAGAH_
    • 197
    • RETWEETS
    KentWGrahamLetsFavSouthernStylin1zeeanymakhuburayyyycharmanwalkerslyoung5Annamariayo
    BuddyAckerswiftenhaalVodkaMary
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Note that when the power's out & all device batteries are dead, the square things are called books & the moving objects are other humans...

    • 252
    • FAVS
    parkerforlunchWarWithMyMinddeardilettanteAngneedshelpJB4RealzJuaNitaWellsSuesSassafraschiachillin
    • 171
    • RETWEETS
    WarWithMyMindbenittto8naughtyravynBonJovi32deardilettanteFavstar250sunnyjatt94_raere
    JB4RealzSolelyBMaxine12333Tweenyxpiplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Once, on Twitter, I followed a woman & she followed me back & we laughed & talked about life & how she was a man from Brooklyn...

    • 218
    • FAVS
    smickableGhetto_TrophycynicanoldicusLetsFavSouthernStylin1h_abuyaNYAGAH_PetkoPetkov2012
    • 119
    • RETWEETS
    Ghetto_TrophyLetsFavSouthernStylin1donkirgitnoriega_omariAllannochMoeMainaNYAGAH_
    Carmel_ColemanMaxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...

    • 137
    • FAVS
    Ghetto_Trophylllvvvzzz140ronreagonaldshakes31471all_about_todayempress_audreyKeithAshers
    • 89
    • RETWEETS
    lllvvvzzzshakes31471all_about_todaySheri13Koxomatliempress_audreyDONTJIMMYMEJULZmagugu063
    inconsequentia2
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just saw my elementary school teacher. Loved her. She blew up a balloon for me once & I stole little gulps of her breath from it all day...

    • 160
    • FAVS
    JB4RealzSouthernStylin1NYAGAH_LuvPugr0ditisjennslynmarlespoprismdispersion
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    SouthernStylin1NYAGAH_prismdispersionShoutingGoddessthedailymarkerlvvzzSarahFemmethetobbierts
    TheDailySchmuck
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    So many lost people in the world. People in jail, those kids in Narnia, people that aren't following me on here, it's just so sad really...

    • 144
    • FAVS
    KentWGrahamSouthernStylin1ateatrayFatherWithTwinsOne_FineMessjestcoastNYAGAH_LuvPug
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    SouthernStylin1FatherWithTwinsOne_FineMessNYAGAH_zeeanymakhubuslyoung5ashleyelineSweeterBlossom
    Toy_A101
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Notice how atheists are fighting & killing each other again over who doesn't believe in God the most? Oh no wait, that never happens...

    • 135
    • FAVS
    DONTJIMMYMEJULZcynicanoldicusLousyBastardLetsFavnorarachel_SherlynDubCarlaMoulton3CTriplett_012
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    nannystephLetsFavOhHey_GabyRobertaJoSansomGOPonziconzCTriplett_012pubic_broccoliWilliekbink
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    We should totes stop shortening our words, aite? It's not profesh or adorbs...

    • 127
    • FAVS
    MissMalbecMultitudes8MattBowdoSouthernStylin1CVTBabyjipper007teens04bubble_gurl
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    MissMalbecMultitudes8SouthernStylin1ladybirrrdFifi_BergereTheDailySchmuckMah_lanReillyBarb
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...

    • 139
    • FAVS
    KentWGrahamLetsFavSouthernStylin1nikhimselfjackson25114757NYAGAH_LuvPugSarahFemme
    • 61
    • RETWEETS
    SouthernStylin1UnpolarisedCVTBaby2PASSaSMILETheDailySchmuckMr_hillardMaxine12333herrmys
    AristotlesNZ__
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Let's review before it gets cold today:
    1. It'll be chilly.
    2. This has happened before.
    3. You'll say it's never been this cold.
    4. It has.

    • 126
    • FAVS
    LetsFavmichelleanne29SouthernStylin1CVTBabyNYAGAH_LuvPugrayyyychslyoung5
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    SouthernStylin1NYAGAH_zeeanymakhubuCFMEWHOrayyyychslyoung5joecool57hRatchet7Don
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The thing is, life is sad but also quite hilarious & I've always been drawn to those who can express that they are not mutually exclusive...

    • 128
    • FAVS
    the_anastasiaDickensnyckcirtap11snickuousLetsFavSouthernStylin1CVTBabyurekasgold
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    kcirtap11snickuousSouthernStylin1urekasgoldTheDailySchmuckX_xMunchies_SmiricliffordMichabean
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Judging from what most frightens my dogs, when the apocalypse comes, it will be heralded by a great rustling of plastic grocery bags...

    • 122
    • FAVS
    cynicanoldicusLousyBastardLetsFavMattBowdoSouthernStylin1nikhimselfjuicymorselCVTBaby
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    LetsFavStopMotionDreamSouthernStylin1CVTBabyFifi_BergereAsexualWriterTheDailySchmuckzeeanymakhubu
    PeaceInTruth1piplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    GF: Stop cracking your toe knuckles!
    ME: We should call them tuckles.
    GF: *smile* So, finger knuckles would be-
    ME: Fuckles.
    *HIGH FIVE*...

    • 123
    • FAVS
    KentWGrahamLousyBastardLetsFavSouthernStylin1_Ms_Moneypenny_NYAGAH_LuvPugSarahFemme
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    LousyBastardLetsFavSouthernStylin1_Erin_LeongmoviemazzStorminikaashlar36nataliepeyton
    dephrank
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The coolest undocumented feature of humans is that when born, if our reflexes are good, we have a brief 80-year window to not be assholes...

    • 114
    • FAVS
    bluemelody84stacywawa1SouthernStylin1nikhimselfCVTBabyHypercraxy2PASSaSMILEOne_FineMess
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    SouthernStylin1CVTBabyhulloandgetout2PASSaSMILEOne_FineMesszeeanymakhubuslyoung5ASKJONES
    rivetingbonmots
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    I'm my own worst critic. Then, I'm my own best bartender, pharmacist & sultry maiden so life's been alright...

    • 109
    • FAVS
    hatehugCindyBakesItmc_funbagsTeejayRushSouthernStylin1_Ms_Moneypenny_NYAGAH_JustAmy13
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    mc_funbagsTeejayRushgautam17SouthernStylin1TnucTewSaraESpiveyyoopnativeMissZini
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    "I don't want to clean dinosaurs today."- my friend. Cuz he has to clean museum dinosaurs today. I HAVE A FRIEND THAT CLEANS DINOSAURS!...

    • 124
    • FAVS
    cynicanoldicusLousyBastardLetsFavNYAGAH_silent_musingsAspersioncastStorminikanotfaizzy
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    LetsFavonume_Maxine12333favstar1000favsJerWaydPeaceInTruth1fortunecookie23thedailymarker
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    If a driver waves for you to cross the street, don't do that fake jogging thing. Definitely takes longer than just walking...

    • 102
    • FAVS
    cynicanoldicusLetsFavjessgmarroquinjeffrhoodJaneLikesCatsSouthernStylin1NYAGAH_HeyZeus666
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    LetsFavmissmukwowAphroditeAfter5SouthernStylin1NYAGAH_filthyraccoonMajorzdeadslyoung5
    MrsGoose69
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    My favourite thing about putting up the Christmas tree is how we have glitter all over us cuz we go to the strip club as a family...

    • 116
    • FAVS
    LetsFavNYAGAH_silent_musingsAspersioncastPeaceInTruth1DONTJIMMYMEJULZericsshadowArielromoskey
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    PaperWashSaraESpiveyonume_themorris23StorminikaTravLeBlancReeseButCallMeVbeelzebud27
@thetobbie

@thetobbie
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