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  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    *gay guy hits on me*
    ME: I'm straight.
    GAY GUY: So is spaghetti, until it's hot & wet.
    If any man gets to have me, it's this dude...

    • 770
    • FAVS
    SocialExtortionPlatinumPainShawn_BWgrammar_cuntcoalslagTooSkool4CoolNdeshi_MOganneSamuel
    • 437
    • RETWEETS
    BSKeabetsweMsMeddleBohemianSugarTimsin94rauls2coolThe_DissemblerIsaacMbaegbuJadesolapearl
    bdbdleeroybrownVirgoSherryshanethevein
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Not going to force my religion down my son's throat. I'd explain the differences & when the time comes, he can choose either Marvel or DC...

    • 454
    • FAVS
    TheRosieDRowdyPrimateShakesCuthbertCVTBabySultanBruceLeesshzxMrsAvlierjtdavisky
    • 355
    • RETWEETS
    MimbsPhotographBanonokeBGriffcolemanjweeksbillcarsonbookshaygirlmcglaundavefilesShakesCuthbertCVTBaby
    DanKCharnleyCarmel_ColemanMaxine12333notfaizzy
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    CASHIER: 300.

    ME: Ha, like the movie.

    CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld.

    ME: Ha, like the comedian.

    CASHIER: ...

    ME: Ha, like a mime...

    • 430
    • FAVS
    CVTBabyJoethePearsonNdeshi_Msilent_musingsAspersioncastbdbdleeroybrownSleazySliP8NT4R
    • 190
    • RETWEETS
    AnnamariayoUnFitzPeaceInTruth1SnowFaceKillerVideoVixennDapo_KIolaa993UPNEPA
    BuddyAckerswiftenhaalVodkaMary
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Note that when the power's out & all device batteries are dead, the square things are called books & the moving objects are other humans...

    • 211
    • FAVS
    CVTBabyNdeshi_Msilent_musingsKatrinaGibson13scott_towelAspersioncastbdbdleeroybrownashleyeline
    • 143
    • RETWEETS
    ryolwhNdeshi_MKatrinaGibson13scott_towelashleyelinerejoiceasukwoArtDeitylnglivdakng
    SolelyBMaxine12333Tweenyxpiplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Once, on Twitter, I followed a woman & she followed me back & we laughed & talked about life & how she was a man from Brooklyn...

    • 201
    • FAVS
    CVTBabyFeenohmenalcoalslagNdeshi_MBDGarptheoreadsAmeenoz_Michabean
    • 105
    • RETWEETS
    ryolwhlovingjacobx_Ndeshi_MX_xMunchies_SLynettetsMisterVisionarysilent_musingsDemaggz
    Carmel_ColemanMaxine12333
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    So many lost people in the world. People in jail, those kids in Narnia, people that aren't following me on here, it's just so sad really...

    • 131
    • FAVS
    Ndeshi_Msilent_musingsAspersioncastashleyelineStorminikaAnonysubTheDailySchmuckPeaceInTruth1
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    ashleyelineSweeterBlossomDawsQn99TheDailySchmuckSpankMeIm0ty69shadesoftaargreggjgc79TeejayRush
    Toy_A101
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...

    • 131
    • FAVS
    CVTBabyNdeshi_MAspersioncastStorminikasonofdickson2PASSaSMILESweeterBlossomMistyamberA
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    2PASSaSMILETheDailySchmuckMr_hillardMaxine12333herrmysJodieTouhytaylorsanders77TierzaBishop
    AristotlesNZ______
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Just saw my elementary school teacher. Loved her. She blew up a balloon for me once & I stole little gulps of her breath from it all day...

    • 138
    • FAVS
    CharlotteesheanMissmacguffNdeshi_Msilent_musingsgneiccoHormonellaSpankMeIm0tychullymorton
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    thetobbiertsryolwhNdeshi_MOne_FineMessSummerLetsMINAJPaperWashshinasaphraonume_
    TheDailySchmuck
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    We should totes stop shortening our words, aite? It's not profesh or adorbs...

    • 105
    • FAVS
    Ndeshi_MAspersioncastStorminikaPeaceInTruth1Hormonellamarty_franthedopetypeDONTJIMMYMEJULZ
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    Ndeshi_Mimaan03waynedewhoTierzaBishopPaperWashonume_Maxine12333mak718
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Let's review before it gets cold today:
    1. It'll be chilly.
    2. This has happened before.
    3. You'll say it's never been this cold.
    4. It has.

    • 117
    • FAVS
    silent_musingsAspersioncastStorminikajoecool57hDONTJIMMYMEJULZericsshadowArielromoskeypazienza4
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    joecool57hRatchet7DonPaperWashSaraESpiveyonume_TheManyaMrsMUFCEyeSmeller
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    GF: Stop cracking your toe knuckles!
    ME: We should call them tuckles.
    GF: *smile* So, finger knuckles would be-
    ME: Fuckles.
    *HIGH FIVE*...

    • 116
    • FAVS
    silent_musingsAspersioncastonedavedeep__SxRxRnR__tjvmcraydriennerudesaucepangeagirl
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    _Erin_LeongmoviemazzStorminikaashlar36nataliepeytonSoulOfOceansTravLeBlancSaraESpivey
    dephrank
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The thing is, life is sad but also quite hilarious & I've always been drawn to those who can express that they are not mutually exclusive...

    • 114
    • FAVS
    LBelle1beingtheomiricliffordBDGarprunswscissors21hardestbutton3Michabeansilent_musings
    • 41
    • RETWEETS
    X_xMunchies_SmiricliffordMichabeansilent_musingsTheDelphiNatorthetobbiertsellemacetweetsimmortaljaye
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    The coolest undocumented feature of humans is that when born, if our reflexes are good, we have a brief 80-year window to not be assholes...

    • 103
    • FAVS
    silent_musingsgooseduckyduckDemo_Girl77Purldswollenvoiceavaricious1adicortezYayOrRenee
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    ASKJONESYayOrReneeUnFitzAspersioncast1ViperbabeMaxine12333skullpuppy11inconsequentia2
    rivetingbonmots
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    "I don't want to clean dinosaurs today."- my friend. Cuz he has to clean museum dinosaurs today. I HAVE A FRIEND THAT CLEANS DINOSAURS!...

    • 121
    • FAVS
    silent_musingsAspersioncastStorminikanotfaizzyHormonellaDONTJIMMYMEJULZPaperWashStephenBCramer
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    onume_Maxine12333favstar1000favsJerWaydPeaceInTruth1fortunecookie23thedailymarkerBoobnish__________
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Judging from what most frightens my dogs, when the apocalypse comes, it will be heralded by a great rustling of plastic grocery bags...

    • 104
    • FAVS
    silent_musingsAspersioncast1knotwholeredpawn3Tinkerbell_marhinelandBaconF00TAdar79Angie
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    redpawn3BaconF00TKapD_tygrrkttnGingerLancheSirChad__Hormonellasevenxx7
    PeaceInTruth1piplips
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    My favourite thing about putting up the Christmas tree is how we have glitter all over us cuz we go to the strip club as a family...

    • 114
    • FAVS
    silent_musingsAspersioncastPeaceInTruth1DONTJIMMYMEJULZericsshadowArielromoskeypazienza4lgbk44
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    PaperWashSaraESpiveyonume_themorris23StorminikaTravLeBlancReeseButCallMeVbeelzebud27
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Notice how atheists are fighting & killing each other again over who doesn't believe in God the most? Oh no wait, that never happens...

    • 100
    • FAVS
    silent_musingsAspersioncastStorminikaOne_FineMessclemwinSleazySlihg47P8NT4R
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    Peachy_BerserkSleazySlishtz_n_gigglesMurrManJPeaceInTruth1ijordigCixelsidgodsodChris2darock
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    If a driver waves for you to cross the street, don't do that fake jogging thing. Definitely takes longer than just walking...

    • 92
    • FAVS
    silent_musingsredpawn3TheDailySchmuckinconsequentia2StephenBCramer_Ms_Moneypenny_onume_ficklepickle13____
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    TheDailySchmuckinconsequentia2onume_rorygneesmithSaraESpiveykabirsamtaniTravLeBlancExploringUrMind
    MrsGoose69
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...

    • 79
    • FAVS
    Aspersioncastscottthetwat______NachHoleallforandrea______GinaTaylor84Mohanad1902v3katelynnshita3yosays
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    allforandrea______shita3yosaysECHO22_81st_DisciplePrince_Madness1CEECRAZEinconsequentia2onume_
    inconsequentia2
  • thetobbie
      TO33IE @thetobbie

    Who, me? Oh, just sick. Going to take this gin to chase the Tussin, to calm the DayQuil to counter the Codeine to fix the flu, that's all...

    • 98
    • FAVS
    silent_musingsStorminikainconsequentia2StephenBCrameronume_mbutler823Gy_pnnziomountainstainer__
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    onume_mountainstainer__TheDailySchmuckJJzenboysSuMoResterskryptxilovepie84Favstar500Favs
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