Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Sorry, rest of the world, Junior and I can't help you now. We're too busy helping some loon cross a canyon on a piece of floss.
Fuck it, I'm resigning too.
My favorite word is "Amen" because when I hear it it means you're done asking Me for stupid shit.
America is now closed. We apologize for the inconvenience.
Even I think Zimmerman was guilty, and I'm an old white guy.
Any atheist who retweets this is going to hell for eternity.
The reason I didn't mention dinosaurs in the Bible is shut up.
Next time you're tempted to masturbate, remember that I'm watching you, and also masturbating.
America, you were settled via the extermination of one race and the enslavement of another. But please, lecture us more about freedom.
I deeply regret some of you.
St. Patrick is already totally shit-faced.
I send natural disasters to punish mankind for being stupid enough to believe in a God who would send natural disasters to punish it.
You're welcome, Britain.
Retweet this and you'll go to heaven. Yes, the standards are now that low.
I did not create the entire universe in six days for you to go around twerking.
You don't think, therefore I am.
I don't believe in most of you either.
Attention: will the owners of a blue planet with tectonic plates please tend to your vehicle. It is overheating.
Be careful what you pray for: you just might get it. Kidding! You won't get it.
I’m your dope-ass divinity, trollin’ with My trinity, tossin’ top tweets in your immediate vicinity, flingin’ fly phrases from the fringes of infinity.