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  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    THE NEW 10 COMMANDMENTS

    1 Laugh.
    2 Read.
    3 Say please.
    4 Floss.
    5 Doubt.
    6 Exercise.
    7 Learn.
    8 Don't hate.
    9 Cut the bullshit.
    10 Chill.

    • 19k
    • FAVS
    GJDavyaVecesSoyPaurollinthejayzakimahomedRajIcando1WakaTimejeneralist1_MikeyJayy__
    • 25k
    • RETWEETS
    WhitneyDawerollinthejayRajIcando1beth_hitchcock1Person25daggi_dagmarMax_Herrhausendudleyalan
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Stop praying to Me, Brazil. Even I can't help you now. #WorldCup

    • 13k
    • FAVS
    williamshawrAvrilTheQueennVulcunFSappleparkkidssarahsiedezakimahomedLouloudi5nameless_han
    • 26k
    • RETWEETS
    _anonymaus_arkoguha1macollibraCasvensolijt1994EvereyBKatCebreirospowell_sage
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Good morning, California! That was Me.

    • 21k
    • FAVS
    carolina_co6Logandradailysoxxs_dancerApirooolaMerchelletteSamnuggetGRaymondJTarinCharmSafe
    • 13k
    • RETWEETS
    darylefgrWanderinPoetMatthews_HatShirleyBlantzJBbelieber_OLLGLevonDaddario1YosephX5WWEmianaluu
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Wrong! That's why I gave you two hands. pic.twitter.com/CxxXMztfS5

    • 16k
    • FAVS
    L_u_c_a_s_ATheTruth1011vierknopfJcindyinAmoutzie89Jinchuunikkireece_bigginboxerbabe93
    • 14k
    • RETWEETS
    GarionCoyoteL_u_c_a_s_ATheTruth1011vierknopfJcindyinACorhey94boxerbabe93littlemonstr16
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Being gay is far less of a choice than being an asshole.

    • 13k
    • FAVS
    aVecesSoyPauredthiefhebiseloginconferenceofficialploykarlmgustafsonxxstef90xxKJB47391247
    • 15k
    • RETWEETS
    CelsoPiazziLouisPittockjeanbricker101fluffypenngiunAnna_Overlinmorgantsparks1dramirezeCoolpool79
    eddsthetics
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    MY SON! MY SON IS PRESENTING FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS!!!

    • 15k
    • FAVS
    sakura_akane23rafahoransantosdemsgrungeDafneLagoiaUptownAlleyFreyGustin_FunkGioLovatic777demitria222
    • 11k
    • RETWEETS
    ellavleeeddemsgrungeSoTrueJessItsCupBear1Maniaco_KittyLovatickitsun3_LauraRincon6070
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Sorry, rest of the world, Junior and I can't help you now. We're too busy helping some loon cross a canyon on a piece of floss.

    • 7,075
    • FAVS
    jfoit3FridayCareCharmSafeMarlonBrandNOJustcomingtoweyhrauchlawDrHyunBaeWowMedicalNews
    • 19k
    • RETWEETS
    msmonicabarberWanderinPoetJimKalaitzisBostonAccent79CanofPeasetoothisoutthereShwentoGerar36
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    1. It is not My desire that you behead humanitarian workers.
    2. I can't fucking believe I need to say that.

    • 11k
    • FAVS
    aVecesSoyPaucamryncottuli_cItsDushiBbombaxschreibtheonlyKiZZLEAaPursiSciGeekTEDcruzAj
    • 13k
    • RETWEETS
    JudgeIykebrookewalkssseducenndestroyFancyNancyAnnMartinNicolexokiwipaulachittappiRafflesWord
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    The color of a dress? Really? That's what you're asking Me? THE OCEAN LEVELS ROSE FOUR INCHES IN TWO YEARS. You know that, right?

    • 12k
    • FAVS
    katrinalisabethPresqAvocatAnnaArt4meDanJAskewmagnetarballMaccaHassonMariaGloria90hayesssbabe
    • 12k
    • RETWEETS
    GarionCoyotekevinthewiseThePackkkkkkkJamieColwill1skylerflaskaenjoyspecialistmsaravindanivanajwilliams
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    I have lost control of the situation.

    • 8,338
    • FAVS
    aVecesSoyPautheonlyKiZZLEJudeFawley27af6e1683ce40462RameroCrist___stryginaSchleckterCationalist
    • 15k
    • RETWEETS
    aVecesSoyPauigoravavso_destroyedIord_of_catsSchleckterTetraBitchMylene_ErickaAlamitiK
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    THE FIVE STAGES OF GLOBAL WARMING

    1. Denial
    2. Guilt
    3. Depression
    4. Acceptance
    5. Drowning

    • 9,071
    • FAVS
    bhavi_94IvayloKGleifromloihia4antoinette_missafflictionSchleckterIncidiousSweetMarlonBrandNO
    • 13k
    • RETWEETS
    _missafflictionSchleckterbenoofanasaxtondaltMontesaurus101JamesBWSuttonKeithTheHawkjoytoyu
  • TheTweetOfGod
    • 10k
    • FAVS
    JcindyinAedwardsharpe45JinchuunikkitwinklyflowerDysNet_orgMohankrishnan15adulpogizimm_12
    • 10k
    • RETWEETS
    vierknopfJcindyinAmajidssurgeryzimm_12nonmartiniPhxaz01juluckertupapioso
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    If Ochoa guarded the gates of heaven no one would ever get in. #BrazilvsMexico

    • 7,837
    • FAVS
    aerium7kyle_fabrizioInfiniteMugenzdramirezeFranciscoRguezAjerrymarin011saxonjohn666SamnuggetG
    • 13k
    • RETWEETS
    _anonymaus_my_2_centavosJairoRamos_15medrano_17LuckyOnbekendJustRealsBashirHamza203KatCebreiros
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Only one religion is right but I won't say which one because I want you to figure it out by hating and killing each other while I watch.

    • 10k
    • FAVS
    Sheets86TimothyDEgidioonebadasstinterPicadoShaNobody_XIVRushyPatelbitoulasLunaticsheir
    • 10k
    • RETWEETS
    Khushneetsunidhiazadmekmiot7onebadasstinterNameIsMluriya_freiheit94HanlonRobertmecchennai1
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    The idea that you evolved from apes is disgusting. Isn't it nicer to believe you descended from one couple and their incestuous children?

    • 10k
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    LosMejoresAlcesindigo_kid_100sredovan_studentsofa_kupusVasoHarmonikasznacidaBoleBezKontroleKittyTheNinja
    • 10k
    • RETWEETS
    znacidaKittyTheNinjaKulMiJeimeathinkingmanDinoRanchoYourGodIsGayrachelkasumbaEricdeMarylebon
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    America: where minorities, for good reason, fear their kids getting shot, and white people, for no reason, fear their kids getting shots.

    • 9,828
    • FAVS
    AnnaArt4meJessicacgnthetaoofterriTraciDegermanbread_n_rosesbarbdahliaZed_NedUrieBay
    • 10k
    • RETWEETS
    ThePackkkkkkkJessicacgnAndersonOrsburnthetaoofterriNBoston79iLoveYouiLi_JoiedeVarmjlindbergphd
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    It’s times like this I really wish I existed.

    • 10k
    • FAVS
    beyon_zaynTimothyDEgidiobhavi_94ShadowFree1998ChrissGrenierrFarmerItshaydoepeinturierspace_mambo
    • 10k
    • RETWEETS
    AnkitPotuwarSusamcknNameIsMluepeinturierxlmKiritoHanlonRobertnitschebuaMAVMCQ
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    TERRORIST LOGIC

    1. I am concerned about my religion’s negative reputation in the eyes of the world.
    2. I will kill people in its name.

    • 9,037
    • FAVS
    Jake_stengersamryan1998KennysamuelaVecesSoyPauSTOPTHiSHajiHunting_N3sh_zishmcguish
    • 10k
    • RETWEETS
    Azerothiangnomenehagoyal29sabbatharian777KennysamuelelgueyleonelDougHarrisIIIHajiHunting_N3sh_
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    The Duck Dynasty guy who likened homosexuality to bestiality makes a living helping people trick ducks into thinking they want to fuck them.

    • 7,998
    • FAVS
    marshippoaerium7Whole_Hogjackwong731amanda_baylorCalcytronLaBelleMaeSF_Sandy
    • 11k
    • RETWEETS
    Bathtub_liquorbeninsand_Phoenix165darrrkstarrrWordbeastswagsitcomdadJimKalaitzisLorapagani
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Fuck it, I'm resigning too.

    • 4,042
    • FAVS
    PJBENNIEnenahejVoiceofgarthFavstardomKatWar11CleverGirl1BostonAccent79uAenesss
    • 15k
    • RETWEETS
    joytoyuteknoftKatWar11CleverGirl1OmarKhyamiamBostonAccent79Kimberley_CodyFavstardom
    moxieblogger
@TheTweetOfGod

@TheTweetOfGod

I'm your dope-ass divinity, trollin' with My trinity, droppin' top tweets in your immediate vicinity, flingin' fly phrases from the fringes of infinity.

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