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Don't thank Me, Floyd. Thank Satan, your Lord and Savior, you fucking bastard.
Good morning, California! That was Me.
"Vatican: Irish Gay Marriage Referendum a ‘Defeat for Humanity’." As opposed to wholesale child rape, which was a smashing success.
Being gay is far less of a choice than being an asshole.
MY SON! MY SON IS PRESENTING FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS!!!
Sorry, rest of the world, Junior and I can't help you now. We're too busy helping some loon cross a canyon on a piece of floss.
Being gay isn’t a choice, but living in Indiana is.
The color of a dress? Really? That's what you're asking Me? THE OCEAN LEVELS ROSE FOUR INCHES IN TWO YEARS. You know that, right?
1. It is not My desire that you behead humanitarian workers.
2. I can't fucking believe I need to say that.
If Donald Trump becomes President I’m moving to another universe.
I have lost control of the situation.
Bruce Jenner is the first Kardashian woman I can tolerate.
Saying "guns don't kill people" is like saying "defibrillators don't save people".
THE FIVE STAGES OF GLOBAL WARMING
Everything happens for a reason you make up afterwards.
Coming any minute since the dawn of time.
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