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  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Good morning, California! That was Me.

    • 21k
    • FAVS
    tABBI_CAT16abbyyunnanniikuCarl_Schoutensinead_rebeccaadanycadenagfochtimesTahaSHTaha
    • 13k
    • RETWEETS
    ronnieditabosssharfuMicaylaMaree123Osnapitzboca_StewPoohsoldoutgrandefollowingsea2Anapzanette_
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    THE NEW 10 COMMANDMENTS

    1 Laugh.
    2 Read.
    3 Say please.
    4 Floss.
    5 Doubt.
    6 Exercise.
    7 Learn.
    8 Don't hate.
    9 Cut the bullshit.
    10 Chill.

    • 14k
    • FAVS
    Naoodiq8123EpiiPhenomxxKateGxxjillkrasnychococamelliapicassocOphirzemerDrFloresAyala
    • 18k
    • RETWEETS
    Karrimanderasjedorr76gatorsdontbarkjameelsonwheelsradoslawdlugoszEvaSvavarsSuperAphecBlairThompson4
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Being gay is far less of a choice than being an asshole.

    • 12k
    • FAVS
    ggdiamanteastroislaLizVonVanitybackporchladyKwolfking4LMFAOHOEdesousa122laura_shannon91
    • 15k
    • RETWEETS
    TalBryanTweetWaleBaBaadancingflame_desousa122jeirocksCourtzallbeecdiclearcrispsigns
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Sorry, rest of the world, Junior and I can't help you now. We're too busy helping some loon cross a canyon on a piece of floss.

    • 7,064
    • FAVS
    Pcela_MajadracoholdingSydSaaebJamesa7171azraelwritesvlpaceCroweJamgeo_teira
    • 19k
    • RETWEETS
    CanofPeasetoothisoutthereShwento__________Gerar36wb_awgraphyThePillarSaintsTheKenyan_NigelBigMeech
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    The Duck Dynasty guy who likened homosexuality to bestiality makes a living helping people trick ducks into thinking they want to fuck them.

    • 7,988
    • FAVS
    Chrysalis_ArtMomoJadeAlfredo_LowrideKMassnerkarismaticfoolBradSLCRemiFrancoeur1JoshuaFlail
    • 11k
    • RETWEETS
    HandsomeJackFMdavhaw63JoshuaFlailMissyBombinoSadieSmithRokskingofqueens_BWArtsHousechewbaccaloco
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Fuck it, I'm resigning too.

    • 4,038
    • FAVS
    Pcela_MajaShazLightyearSydSaaebcackoebago__stefanel__dmutatiiateeveryonezendao42
    • 15k
    • RETWEETS
    Favstardom__stefanel__iateeveryoneSarcastridDvL305psalinas24mtnmamastetheMorganHolmes
    moxieblogger
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    YES! YOU'RE WELCOME MATTHEW!

    • 7,757
    • FAVS
    Carl_SchoutenTahaSHTahaPcela_MajaASDistilleryJanine1993tommytexeiraTetGamesLtdSincerelyRanda7
    • 8,715
    • RETWEETS
    mattmc539chema_barraganJamieCarynBethann_GoonPeachfuzz1000nunushonnashivodkyasirisiriss
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    America is now closed. We apologize for the inconvenience.

    • 3,752
    • FAVS
    Pcela_MajaACVingborgDuckDynastyGameacenowandagomigrantologosSydSaaebgonard9Marinabpas
    • 12k
    • RETWEETS
    SirocoAle________migrantologosDMVMESTLL595jpachecojrO_Mageirasejaytheking____emcaldwell98
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    My favorite word is "Amen" because when I hear it it means you're done asking Me for stupid shit.

    • 5,293
    • FAVS
    Pcela_MajaacenowandagojonsparkAnaysMontanoiTwitFunPounehSoleimaniXSaraCooperXSydSaaeb
    • 10k
    • RETWEETS
    TalBryanTweetWaleBaBaPcela_MajazahrajazzampersarnieKerfuckusFavstardomSydSaaeb
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    THE NEW 10 PLAGUES

    1. Homophobia
    2. Bad wi-fi
    3. Kardashians
    4. Meth
    5. Uggs
    6. Hipsterism
    7. CO2
    8. Facebook
    9. Indifference
    10. Beyoncé

    • 3,631
    • FAVS
    Emilia_IIIAlfredo_LowrideGetonga_unacortazianaJostBjrkegrenSydSaaebdjwolf76__________bbidwell
    • 11k
    • RETWEETS
    vinayaka_bhat_GetongaFavstardomJaybotloli_iyuridjwolf76__________Superman6869mike_truman
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    I genuinely don't remember making you all this stupid.

    • 5,751
    • FAVS
    DKoethPolarDubBearbackporchladyGingerkrezzPcela_MajaajjocsonjannomoChrysalis_Art
    • 7,899
    • RETWEETS
    JoelTekaiamsololChildishColbinoPolarDubBearFuckinJunkiedebajeetchconorparrish51maruslarrosa
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth ON A BIBLE is one of the great ironies of life.

    • 6,230
    • FAVS
    NinaDevotchkaWiddle101Gage_BDTahaSHTahaPcela_Majamm4infinityTheKate_Rinamodrarijeka
    • 7,139
    • RETWEETS
    Widdle101booksyemblemTweetWaleBaBamhairisophieLouisaK1981ozzzyboiiihartewhitneyRyElvy
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    How dare all these people win awards for Gravity?!? I CREATED GRAVITY!

    • 5,678
    • FAVS
    anniikuCarl_SchoutenTahaSHTahaUhhhlaynaicedteerexOrozco2RaulKevinLauversachi_bbsr
    • 7,597
    • RETWEETS
    Hailee_SteppOrozco2RaulShiva_anarionBigKeydiWestGamer3Floydiliciousshimaejazslendertata
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    The reason I didn't mention dinosaurs in the Bible is shut up.

    • 3,490
    • FAVS
    backporchladyariammwillbeSydSaaebJtweetersSchlecktermitwedazraelwritesNoSoyPoe
    • 9,759
    • RETWEETS
    TalBryanbackporchladyTweetWaleBaBaFavstardomSchlecktermerylevensmirexengeo_teira
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Most homophobes are secretly gay. However, most arachnophobes are not secretly spiders.

    • 5,770
    • FAVS
    chococamelliabmarafino9psychemycatshaafffpeanutharvesterStargazer45100ms_annajohnsonalysam2
    • 7,007
    • RETWEETS
    cole_houchyi6i7AlicanCakmaknerdmoonchristi_ladwigjustplainjerthats_my_cometyoimnic
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Even I think Zimmerman was guilty, and I'm an old white guy.

    • 3,929
    • FAVS
    katelynaltman44F_ElanaSydSaaebQueenNigeriaazraelwritesTheLoveThatDiednyax6phillipneman7
    • 8,464
    • RETWEETS
    madi_hagmanpatriziobarberBumpinGemzBigShrinkzKentonDepewumasbella1DatboiKitagluna_w
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    There's no need to call My name during sex. I'm already watching.

    • 5,015
    • FAVS
    Carl_SchoutenPcela_MajaDeckOfDiemodrarijekaalexis_carrremilyhutleyAlfredo_Lowridesouva71
    • 6,652
    • RETWEETS
    kellzparkerO_VECHK1NSirZechdejiroyrookie_nwabball_jessekingsanMACKAVELIAbrams_mufc
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

    • 5,263
    • FAVS
    chococamelliaStargazer45100bryannashedMankuKishoreInPanic92xmiteCarl_SchoutenTob3X
    • 6,023
    • RETWEETS
    SuperAphecrickdumaisbrakooIjkB9jmckenzie558wrangler7161MankuKishoreInPanic92
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Any atheist who retweets this is going to hell for eternity.

    • 1,160
    • FAVS
    Pcela_MajaundonestarAlfredo_Lowridesieralyn11achromaticworldSydSaaebdmutatikloener
    • 10k
    • RETWEETS
    TweetWaleBaBaAlfredo_LowrideLorenzoFloodSheeranEmilyCasonMonsterHausofPaytonWimaliSteboxthamerMcp
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Sorry Auburn. Your miracle quota was filled.

    • 3,473
    • FAVS
    iTwitFunReubenAdolfSydSaaebazraelwritesDavidFohlbrookAmayShah27katkatDMNACE
    • 7,721
    • RETWEETS
    anuragsyadav15Hanneliator_8Vannygirl01Fresh_Piratedeconsimpbriansr14parrinatorMikaylaDefore
@TheTweetOfGod

@TheTweetOfGod

I'm your dope-ass divinity, trollin' with My trinity, droppin' top tweets in your immediate vicinity, flingin' fly phrases from the fringes of infinity.