Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Being gay is far less of a choice than being an asshole.
Sorry, rest of the world, Junior and I can't help you now. We're too busy helping some loon cross a canyon on a piece of floss.
The Duck Dynasty guy who likened homosexuality to bestiality makes a living helping people trick ducks into thinking they want to fuck them.
Fuck it, I'm resigning too.
YES! YOU'RE WELCOME MATTHEW!
America is now closed. We apologize for the inconvenience.
My favorite word is "Amen" because when I hear it it means you're done asking Me for stupid shit.
I genuinely don't remember making you all this stupid.
The reason I didn't mention dinosaurs in the Bible is shut up.
How dare all these people win awards for Gravity?!? I CREATED GRAVITY!
Even I think Zimmerman was guilty, and I'm an old white guy.
Swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth ON A BIBLE is one of the great ironies of life.
There's no need to call My name during sex. I'm already watching.
Sorry Auburn. Your miracle quota was filled.
Any atheist who retweets this is going to hell for eternity.
America, you were settled via the extermination of one race and the enslavement of another. But please, lecture us more about freedom.
I deeply regret some of you.
Next time you're tempted to masturbate, remember that I'm watching you, and also masturbating.
St. Patrick is already totally shit-faced.
I'm your dope-ass divinity, trollin' with My trinity, tossin' top tweets in your immediate vicinity, flingin' fly phrases from the fringes of infinity.