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  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Stop praying to Me, Brazil. Even I can't help you now. #WorldCup

    • 13k
    • FAVS
    SurferConWakaTimewilliamshawrAvrilTheQueennVulcunFSappleparkkidssarahsiedezakimahomed
    • 26k
    • RETWEETS
    MrBLester_anonymaus_arkoguha1macollibraCasvensolijt1994EvereyBKatCebreiros
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    THE NEW 10 COMMANDMENTS

    1 Laugh.
    2 Read.
    3 Say please.
    4 Floss.
    5 Doubt.
    6 Exercise.
    7 Learn.
    8 Don't hate.
    9 Cut the bullshit.
    10 Chill.

    • 19k
    • FAVS
    TBeaveNY2LV90briandaldridgeesportssummitSalmaJavidKhanBolderJerryzakautsarENMUSportMgmt
    • 25k
    • RETWEETS
    pencourageluciewhoMaryamAmir02WhitneyDaweJayyyK47RajIcando1beth_hitchcock1Person25
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Sorry, rest of the world, Junior and I can't help you now. We're too busy helping some loon cross a canyon on a piece of floss.

    • 7,075
    • FAVS
    loginconferencejfoit3HelloMD_SupportCharmSafeMarlonBrandNOJustcomingtoweyhrauchlawDrHyunBae
    • 19k
    • RETWEETS
    msmonicabarberWanderinPoetJimKalaitzisBostonAccent79CanofPeasetoothisoutthereShwentoGerar36
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Being gay is far less of a choice than being an asshole.

    • 13k
    • FAVS
    stefaniericharsappleparkkidsnonnymouse_tumbleweedtallyaVecesSoyPauJeanne_mcguireshebiseloginconference
    • 15k
    • RETWEETS
    arrowtuthekneeCelsoPiazziLouisPittockjeanbricker101fluffypenngiunAnna_Overlinmorgantsparks1dramireze
    eddsthetics
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Fuck it, I'm resigning too.

    • 4,042
    • FAVS
    PJBENNIEnenahejVoiceofgarthFavstardomKatWar11CleverGirl1BostonAccent79uAenesss
    • 15k
    • RETWEETS
    joytoyuteknoftKatWar11CleverGirl1OmarKhyamiamBostonAccent79Kimberley_CodyFavstardom
    moxieblogger
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Wrong! That's why I gave you two hands. pic.twitter.com/CxxXMztfS5

    • 17k
    • FAVS
    JCastle124OC_ElleCeefootraterZadie13JasonChungAltBuddyErikChristi40005adeel_raja78
    • 15k
    • RETWEETS
    ThatBaconSwagfunfuckbunnylanwornApisarasingBuddyErikpimpetieNUct_MellowTaeNy_K921
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    I have lost control of the situation.

    • 8,338
    • FAVS
    liana_roblesJulliiiMartinsfuckspleenXenofontempca2012zucchero72FelipeFigueroaZkatakshpariwar
    • 15k
    • RETWEETS
    Fe_SilvierGABRlELPINHEIROSumido_mpca2012Milady_foreverjuank700410FelipeFigueroaZGonzaloKrebs
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    Good morning, California! That was Me.

    • 21k
    • FAVS
    carolina_co6Logandradailysoxxs_dancerApirooolaMerchelletteSamnuggetGRaymondJTarinCharmSafe
    • 13k
    • RETWEETS
    darylefgrWanderinPoetMatthews_HatShirleyBlantzJBbelieber_OLLGLevonDaddario1YosephX5WWEmianaluu
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    1. It is not My desire that you behead humanitarian workers.
    2. I can't fucking believe I need to say that.

    • 11k
    • FAVS
    alexnee93BolderJerrysharaKloverDylanRoth6Anurag_ChanderaVecesSoyPaucamryncottuli_cItsDushiB
    • 13k
    • RETWEETS
    dhoarGinnyGaigeDylanRoth6GB13FaithlessJudgeIykebrookewalkssseducenndestroyFancyNancyAnn
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    THE FIVE STAGES OF GLOBAL WARMING

    1. Denial
    2. Guilt
    3. Depression
    4. Acceptance
    5. Drowning

    • 9,071
    • FAVS
    hi_im_allamariucci77FinadaPazrana0285sabaithaiScarlettSScottbhavi_94IvayloKG
    • 13k
    • RETWEETS
    marvelbeatsdc_LArtDeVivreKimKaosDKC_Coolidgejasonmarvel_missafflictionSchleckterbenoofana
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    If Ochoa guarded the gates of heaven no one would ever get in. #BrazilvsMexico

    • 7,837
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    aerium7kyle_fabrizioInfiniteMugenzdramirezeFranciscoRguezAjerrymarin011saxonjohn666SamnuggetG
    • 13k
    • RETWEETS
    _anonymaus_my_2_centavosJairoRamos_15medrano_17LuckyOnbekendJustRealsScienceWarrior2KatCebreiros
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    The color of a dress? Really? That's what you're asking Me? THE OCEAN LEVELS ROSE FOUR INCHES IN TWO YEARS. You know that, right?

    • 12k
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    MahotsavyDamatohid_dPrettyPianist1Mom24busyboysmariumsummerSamaraVHamiltonpetasurucook_esther
    • 12k
    • RETWEETS
    MahotsavyDamaPrettyPianist1mariumsummerSamaraVHamiltoncook_estherabbeemcJakeLurieTheDieseI
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    America is now closed. We apologize for the inconvenience.

    • 3,756
    • FAVS
    DrDanielAllisonSales4startupsdonsmithawilliamshawrDrAmielMoshDrANooriVoiceofgarthPeanutLabsMedia
    • 12k
    • RETWEETS
    joytoyusatirist_indianThe_ZaodotingdadchheBostonAccent79Alex_FoppamigrantologosDMVMES
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    The Duck Dynasty guy who likened homosexuality to bestiality makes a living helping people trick ducks into thinking they want to fuck them.

    • 7,998
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    marshippoaerium7Whole_Hogjackwong731amanda_baylorCalcytronLaBelleMaeSF_Sandy
    • 11k
    • RETWEETS
    Bathtub_liquorbeninsand_Phoenix165darrrkstarrrWordbeastswagsitcomdadJimKalaitzisLorapagani
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    MY SON! MY SON IS PRESENTING FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS!!!

    • 16k
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    tohid_drchmlnsamanthadye2015_isallimacDienerAngelaWhat_Kim_ThinksFirevatoStartermuller_graziele
    • 11k
    • RETWEETS
    rchmlnl0vatickkriziaaaRCowNattMariaBalotellajustlovatic2000Ibrahem_Mamdouhitsddemibitches
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    If this gets 10,000 retweets I'll make masturbation not a sin anymore.

    • 4,275
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    ventila_doraVulcunFSjbird1920kuwnickAshFlexemRDKM11Oscharfbitoulas
    • 11k
    • RETWEETS
    Enochtopusjbird1920marshippoiwearblackalot__Kate_inCityImmortaliAetL_will39AddyJastron
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    THE NEW 10 PLAGUES

    1. Homophobia
    2. Bad wi-fi
    3. Kardashians
    4. Meth
    5. Uggs
    6. Hipsterism
    7. CO2
    8. Facebook
    9. Indifference
    10. Beyoncé

    • 3,636
    • FAVS
    maisiedanielswFavstardomcharlesonbargePetteyMikeWhosTheresasperkalTheHellbillyCatLudbergHolvig
    • 11k
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyalexxxxxxxanderfixmemartin__evitumTrygdepartietIngarSagedalBieBostonAccent79vinayaka_bhat_
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    TERRORIST LOGIC

    1. I am concerned about my religion’s negative reputation in the eyes of the world.
    2. I will kill people in its name.

    • 9,064
    • FAVS
    richap711Avish_97armaghan5000MimsKittenMitchSkowVarnica_Singh__v0idJo_Fgr
    • 10k
    • RETWEETS
    NahtanDcDavidPerkerSportymortyMohnishMirchandCielGustnii_saakwasagarhimselflafon02
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    My favorite word is "Amen" because when I hear it it means you're done asking Me for stupid shit.

    • 5,305
    • FAVS
    hanaloumannionraunaxeolgeavepieqqeumapiixduobiniojriesilaotqeiyibiewniiradouy
    • 10k
    • RETWEETS
    aasawenghanaloumannionbraincomplexacrazyabhishbidu676__FandiKhanovidiusNkoanebluemelody84
  • TheTweetOfGod
      God @TheTweetOfGod

    America: where minorities, for good reason, fear their kids getting shot, and white people, for no reason, fear their kids getting shots.

    • 10k
    • FAVS
    _isallimactherealneozcrabdeenBarrysfineMattAwsumAvish_97HillarySmithDammatt_law_
    • 10k
    • RETWEETS
    _isallimacTheTHatchTVmakaylacantreedJKrapsterLiberalChic2008elmcityfreejoshkcyripalmeiraa
@TheTweetOfGod

@TheTweetOfGod

I'm your dope-ass divinity, trollin' with My trinity, droppin' top tweets in your immediate vicinity, flingin' fly phrases from the fringes of infinity.

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