I think it's about time everyone realize everything on Twitter is meant to be taken lightly. Chill out my friends, this is the Internet.

Your bio references Jesus several times, but all your pics are of you being a whore. You win, I'm confused.

I only drink whiskey occasionally and every day of the week.

You know what the worst part of being a terrible person is? It only gets easier and easier.

A man who lists his location as "yer moms house" has over 265,000 followers. Damnit I love Twitter.

Twitter seems to be playing that "auto unfollow bitch" role again. This is getting old.

One tweet with the word God in it and I've got 11 new followers who then immediately unfollow. Guess they saw everything else.

Holy shit guys you won't believe what I just saw on Facebook!........not a fucking thing, I deleted that shit months ago.

Watching 21 Jump Street makes me kinda love Channing Tatum. Therefore, I will not be going to see Magic Mike. Just to be safe.

Dear bitches who follow then unfollow 2 hours later: That's why I didn't follow you back.

That show Toddlers & Tiaras is just the prequel to 16 & Pregnant, right?

If Ashton Kutcher's dumbass can get a few million followers, why cant I? Im just as stupid as he is. The American Dream is dead my friends.

Alright people with "private" accounts, just stick to texting, ok? Twitter doesn't want you anyway.

Men who's avi is a self shot of you in the bathroom mirror: Stop it. Immediately.

I bet Alanis Morissette still angrily changes the channel every time Full House comes on.

Whether you're a Democrat or a Republican the disrespect shown to our President by people who simply disagree with him should sicken you.

Man, I'm really regretting this YOLO tattoo on my neck. Thinking I should've just gotten it spelled out on my lower back.

Dick Clark died. Ryan Seacrest just pee'd a little.

Hey other white people, when you replace the "er" with an "a" at the end, its still racist .

Merry Christmas ya filthy animal.