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So what do you think is the best moment to tell a girl it was actually meant as a one night stand? I’m thinking third trimester...
Tried to surprise my GF by joining her in the shower, she was not amused, nor where the other gym members.
My girlfriend just came to me with a new I phone, she: happy father day! I: I’m no father She: yea about that…
Lesson of the day: the walls do not have ears, but my roommate does, and he also has a camera.
If god did not wanted us to fuck sheep than why did he give them such tight juicy asses ? #daretoask
its not necrophilia until rigor mortis sets in....
I admit this twitter following is cool, but I still think the binocular wilding and jerking off in the bushes version is much nicer.
Tried to use abbreviations in my Social Media report; somehow the writing about SM tools for target penetration gives me a strange feeling.
Happy surprise your roommates in the shower day!!
Sorry I she can't come to the phone right now for she's got my dick in her ass that his moment...
*I love it when telemarketeers call*
mixed up my professional and fun twitter account,my boss is not happy but what really freaks me out are the looks I get from the ugly intern
I can't even remember the last time I had a blackout...
she: wazzup honey..
me: sorry I am having doubts
she: yea maybe this all goes a bit too fast
me: no thats not it its just, you really ugly
Nr.1 rule of FB: do not talk about having sex, so I guess I spent all night doing nothing, in a basement, with a gag in my mouth #FB
Me:I have this act where I saw women in two he: so you are a magician me: A what?? #awkwarddinerpartis
I am so evil, the Devil sold his his soul to me...
Woke up with a killer hangover, a collection of unbaked chips, a pineapple and 3 pieces of a monopoly set, to bad I can’t remember shit.
I alway's find ways to get under your skin, well me, my bamboo torture spikes.... details.
My followers multiply like bunny's, like sterile, insecure, asexual bunny's, but bunny's nonetheless.