The only decisions I like to make are at the liquor store.

Charm me with your intelligence or just wait till I'm really drunk.

I don't get this sexting...if I tell you I wanna fuck you what more do you need to know

Twitter is the best international stalking game I have ever played.

I'm on the road to recovery......I'm just making a stop at the liquor store first

My hardest workout today was listening to people.

I have everything in my purse you could possibly imagine...except money.

I really was gonna jog at the park today....but I just found an empty park bench so I'll just have a few smokes and cheer the joggers on.

Why hasn't hallmark come up with any "I was drinking that night" card excuses yet.

Grey goose is my favourite perfume.

Two words guys hate don't and stop unless you put them together.

Who gives a fuck how many followers you have..its who likes you for being you and that can relate to what you say that counts.

This twitter is fucking up my social life! I would rather star you people and get drunk then get laid!

Just came back from placing weight watchers bread in my neighbors bird feeder because those bastards are getting fat and I care.

I can't wait to go home and do the same thing I did all day at work but with a few drinks.

Getting caught under your desk and coming up with nothing in your hand is always so hard to explain.

I haven't found my spirit animal yet but I'm sure she's a bitch.

I will be good next year I already fucked up this year.

Twinkle twinkle little star get me to the fucken bar. I think I may I think I might get really fucken drunk tonite!

You can't change your past so don't waste your time wondering what went wrong like I did. Learn from it deal with it and move the fuck on.