United States is Canada's Mexico

I wish there were two of me so I had someone really fucking awesome to hangout with

if you eat a cat while its still alive you will turn into a carebear I read that in a book I wrote

I'm bored I think I'm gunna run down to wal-mart and grab an abortion

who do I have to star to get some cock around here?....wait I'm not even gay wtf am i saying, never mind carry on

I like my women like I like my coffee, ground up and in the freezer

They shld have captured Bin Laden alive and made his continuously go through airport security for the rest of his life

I won't add you on Facebook however if you don't stop asking me to I will add you to my annoying mother fuckers that must die list

¿pɐǝɥ ɹnoʎ uo puɐʇs noʎ uɐɔ

note to self make sure to wash your hands after using hot sauce before finger banging wife.. MY OOPS!

my new poop is dropping soon make sure you check it out

I wish they gave stars for having a little dick I'd be Jesus of the leader board

my wife starts a twitter gets ass load of followers right off for being hot and dirty DAMN YOU PENIS YOU'RE HOLDING ME BACK!!!

if I told you that you had a nice body wld you piss on the floor rub my face in it beat me with a new paper and call me a bad boy PLEASE??

Go shut your head in a refrigerator door you fat bitch

Ok I need sleep, someone come up with a way to sync my dreams up to twitter you think my awake mind is odd I dream of breast feeding birds

Twitter is like having sex with a dinosaur only different

I jerk of so much I don't even cum any more a little packet comes out it says "just add water"

I wish I cld tweet the smell of this shit I'm taking if that didnt impress people enough to follow me I'd try something else

HAPPY YOU WILL NEVER LOOK GOOD NAKED AGAIN DAY!! man we love those stretch marks how sexy..