I'm a sexual atheist. I don't believe I'll ever get laid.

I don't fart. I whisper in my panties.

My sanity is slipping and only my recluse of a hamster and my two gay fish are witnesses.

Now all I wish I could do is sit in my unders on the couch and play Fallout til my eyeballs actually shrivel up & slip out my eye sockets.

Thank you for saving me...from pregnancy! http://t.co/7wPRwBEc

My head's check engine light is on.

What did Bowser ever want with the princess anyway?

Hey Rilla, @_congorilla_ pic.twitter.com/u1qdRRVudk

I keep trying out poetry but it keeps turning into porn.

This frog has boobs and I'm just not sure anymore pic.twitter.com/NLsbzyEMVK

My bra is squeaking. Should I be alarmed?

I really hate my ex. I hate that I hate him. HAAAAAATE. End transmission.

Katy Perry isn't a band. It's feces with frosting and boobs.

Don't tell me you don't like honey roasted peanuts. Because then you'd be lying.

@_congorilla_ If you take the low mein then I'll take the high mein...GET IT HIGHMEIN? HYMEN?...cuz...vaginas.

@_congorilla_ Let's bake with this. pic.twitter.com/pLgbeP2b

Once upon a time. Sex. The end.

Abraham Lincoln the vampire hunter? Wtf kinda bored crackhead drew this idea up?

Hey look at that. Katie Holmes is alive. Who knew.

@jimlee! 'til then, peep this awesome HARLEY Jim drew... pic.twitter.com/WIl2DibHus" hey @_congorilla_