Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
- What book has affected your life the most?
- Harry Potter.
- Really, why?
- My mom used to hit me with it.
I have no problem being spontaneous as long as I get a heads up.
I stopped being paranoid when I realized no one cares about me.
People complain about not having sex like they know what this so-called "sex" is.
Only a parent knows what it’s like to truly love silence.
I like boobs so much, I started growing them myself.
You know it’s a good relationship when after sex, instead of spooning, you high five.
You can tell a lot about a person by checking his social security number.
I woke up with tons of motivation to go back to sleep.
If this tweet gets 1000 likes, I'll explain the concept of manipulation.
Does anyone have a good recipe for lasagna? I want to give it to the owner of this restaurant where I just ate lasagna.
My OCD is so bad that when I undress women with my eyes, I have to sit down and fold their clothes.
- Honey, what's the thing called that I don't have?
- A vocabulary, dear.
Just made a deal with my alarm clock. I agree not to set it at night and it agrees not to wake me up in the morning.
A good relationship is when there's an equality between the man and Her Majesty.
I feel sorry for our cat. He probably thinks his name is "NOOOO, YOU IDIOT!"
It would be nice if exes were like socks and disappeared when you did laundry.
- Hello, my name is Ben and I'm a narcissist.
- We love you Ben.
- Of course you do.
- You smell good, what is it?
- I ate a burrito.
I wish I had the ability to read my own mind. https://t.co/guwS46Cq3m
Like @Thedudishes’ tweets? Extend their Favstar Pro Membership to show you care.Extend their Pro!