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The only thing I want to do before I die is to live.
Today I celebrate my third anniversary of celebrating meaningless anniversaries.
Why do we bother to sleep when we go to bed tired and wake up even more tired?
I wonder if bras go sometimes to support groups.
Men think about sex every six boobs.
Remember, any time you need a friend to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, I'm not your guy.
Have you ever noticed that you never see hard work and money in the same place at the same time?
Me: Something's wrong with these mashed potatoes you made. Her: It's rice!
My girlfriend gave me her sore throat, but it went straight to my ears.
How do they take attendance at Alcoholics Anonymous
Just found out you can take a day off work even if you're not sick. I need some time alone.
If anyone here can make me happy, I'll be happy.
I miss the days when people used to be less nostalgic.
I wonder what cigarettes do when they're nervous.
People who say I'm detached from reality make me want to fix my ship and return to my home planet.
Nothing prevents me from making money more than my job.
I have a weakness for people who are stronger than me.
Yuck. This shit tastes like instant coffee.
That's life. One day you're at the bottom, and the next day you delusionally believe you're on top.
I wish I had the ability to read my own mind. https://soundcloud.com/dudisharon