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My other coffee is whiskey.
Dreamt I worked at TMZ, and every time someone pitched a story I'd yell out, "Who gives a shit!" Truth.
Not so ironically, the "mommy" room to pump is the same room coworkers gather to do shots.
Bathroom Rants: Go into the ladies, smells like poop. I pee as fast as I can so the next person who walks in doesn't think it was me.
My coffee is so yummy today, I want to get in bed with it and have it's babies.
Eating the crumbs at the bottom of the tortilla chip bag. How's your night going?!
I'm waiting for the day when I can throw a drink in someone's face. Of course it would be water, cause I would NEVER waste booze.
In case you weren't aware...Love is stronger than pride.
Can't seem to get warm enough. Mama needs a whiskey.
Beer in my shower could totally motivate me to get in there quicker.
It's barf 'o clock. Release those calories!
Coffee, how I love thee. Let me count the ways...and not spill you all over my shit.
My mom really didn't start liking me til I was 10 and could watch the 4 other kids. Mexicans.
My dreams are so disturbing, David Lynch wouldn't know what to do with them.
Why do I find myself watching cooking shows when I'm the most hungry? I'm a masochist.
Mac & Cheese bitches!
Don't go into the negative. Go into the darkness and shine bright.
When my sister asks, "Got time for a chat?" She means, can you listen to me talk for 20 minutes.
Would it really be that terrible if I put a lil kahlua in my latte tomorrow? It's Friday, after all.
Girl trying to hit on my man in the store. I giggle to myself as I mad dawg her til she goes & hides in the back.