Show me with your tongue where you'd like to stick your penis.

The only taste flavoured condoms should have is 'cum'. Girls gotta get used to that shit sooner or later.

I'm not 100% sure as of how to "check myself", but I'm 99% certain that I did in fact "wreck myself" last night.

My asshole just retweeted that queef.

Dear Woman,
More vagina, less wahhh-gina.
Sincerely, Men.

Your cock looks like it needs a nice warm hug from my vagina.

I haven't got a decent nights sleep since I discovered I could watch endless amounts of porn on my iPhone.

I never understand when people follow & DM me saying I'd better be funny or else. Guess what, I'm gonna grow a fat cock so u can suck it.

You people have to stop telling me I'm gorgeous. It's going straight to my vagina.

The amount of anal it takes to earn trust back, is just not worth the cheating in the first place.

You know that thing where u write a funny tweet & no matter how much you fuck with punctuation & English it's still 141 characters?Yeah that

I feel prettiest with my legs behind my head.

Show me on my body where that bad man touched you.


Now, rub...

I don't understand chicks that shave off their eye brows and draw those questionable shapes on their face. Cool your jets Picasso.

My wrist cracks, my elbow snaps, and my jaw clicks. Oral with me sounds like a German air raid.

Testing the quality of my followers (let's see who fucks off)

Why does Jesus suck at hockey?

'Cause he keeps getting nailed to the boards.

My Basic Life Rules:
1) strictly follow tweeple who's pants you want to get into.
2) rub one out while tweeting (daily).
3) eat more fruit.

I don't believe in colons as being a multifunctional organ. You already get my throat & vag ya greedy fucking bastard.

Hey guys, see that star? Every time you click it I have a mini orgasm. Panties currently soaking. Keep it up ;)

I don't know what's more enjoyable; being an asshole, or your face when I attempt to play with yours.