@TiffanyJMoore's (Tiffany ) most faved Tweets...
A little to the left. Yeah, right there. Now ease in slowly. Slooowly. Don't stop. Yes, right there. RighOH GOD!
Parallel parking is hard.
Parallel parking is hard.
NyQuil: The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, how the hell did I end up on the bathroom floor hugging the ficus medicine.
I was going to make vodka marinara sauce for my potato gnocchi but now it's just marinara sauce and long story short I'm drunk.
"Are you at least 18 years old?" "Are you tall?" "Are you able to walk in platform heels?" I don't like where this job application is going.
Half an hour of searching for my wallet and still no luck. I'll bet if it were an emotionally unavailable man I could find it.
My parents always said I could be anything when I grew up, but I don't think drunk, bitter and unemployed was what they had in mind.
This is bullshit. I surrender my keys after 8 tequila shots and this cop is all, "Ma'am, you can't walk down Main Street in your underwear."
I'm sorry, you want me to *fax* you my resume? Sure. If hired, will I also be expected to use an abacus for accounting purposes?
Sandwich truck outside reads "Jesus Catering." I suggested the perfect motto: "CHRIST, it's good!"
Someday, my genius will be appreciated.
Someday, my genius will be appreciated.
The "RIP Daddy" sticker on your car says you loved your father. The tube top and hot pants say your father didn't love you enough.
My holiday diet of eggnog and rum cake hasn't really helped my waistline but it's done wonders for my personality.
Did you know that if you chase a NyQuil shot with vodka, a bowl of chicken noodle soup seems like a perfectly good place to take a nap?
So scientists have developed a cloak of invisibility. Big deal. I can stand at an AT&T customer service desk and get the exact same effect.
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