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Everything was so Raven and nothing hurt.
Sat in ricotta.
If you're not mad you're not paying attention or you're just super chill.
Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, let's do it, let's embrace an endless routine.
*puts on a Hold Steady song for a teen*
"This is a a very loud podcast!"
This is the worst Jimmy John's customer appreciation day ever.
I'll like a pic of you and your mom on Instagram, I don't give a fuck.
I like my air like I like my hair, conditioned.
I never signed off on living in Christopher Nolan's gritty reboot of America.
We're all drunk with powerlessness.
She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, she's cheer captain and I'm a 30 year old man who has no business at this high school.
Turned out the cure for March Madness was time.
"We Didn't Start the Fire" was the first listicle.
If Trump gets elected I'm moving to Stankonia.
Maybe the reason Baby Hitler became Genocide Hitler is because people are always traveling through time to murder him.
Writer for @comedycentral. The first person to dip curly fries into maple syrup. Snapchat: thetimduffy. email@example.com
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