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Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, let's do it, let's embrace an endless routine.
I'll like a pic of you and your mom on Instagram, I don't give a fuck.
She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, she's cheer captain and I'm a 30 year old man who has no business at this high school.
That band in heaven everyone's always talking about were just told they suck by Lou Reed.
We're all drunk with powerlessness.
The most far fetched thing about RoboCop is a he's a cop without a mustache.
Just Googled Aaron Neville, very unfortunate looking woman.
Brooklyn 99 and 12 Years a Slave are equals.
Depression Is a Lifelong Battle, Charlie Brown
Having trouble focusing because I watched a man use a key as a Q-tip on the subway today.
WebMD has no information on how to remove your heart from your throat after an icon dies. I already checked, everyone.
The Billy Joel song "Piano Man" is actually about Ben Folds.
Replace all your "Skateboarding Is Not a Crime" stickers with "Clowning Is Not a Crime" stickers.
Kid tested, Mother approved. I'm a comedian, book me on your thing! firstname.lastname@example.org
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