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Everything was so Raven and nothing hurt.
Sat in ricotta.
Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, let's do it, let's embrace an endless routine.
If you're not mad you're not paying attention or you're just super chill.
*puts on a Hold Steady song for a teen*
"This is a a very loud podcast!"
This is the worst Jimmy John's customer appreciation day ever.
I'll like a pic of you and your mom on Instagram, I don't give a fuck.
I never signed off on living in Christopher Nolan's gritty reboot of America.
We're all drunk with powerlessness.
She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, she's cheer captain and I'm a 30 year old man who has no business at this high school.
Turned out the cure for March Madness was time.
"We Didn't Start the Fire" was the first listicle.
Maybe the reason Baby Hitler became Genocide Hitler is because people are always traveling through time to murder him.
The most far fetched thing about RoboCop is a he's a cop without a mustache.
That band in heaven everyone's always talking about were just told they suck by Lou Reed.
Writer for @comedycentral. My best jokes are on LinkedIn. Snapchat: thetimduffy. firstname.lastname@example.org
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