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She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, she's cheer captain and I'm a 30 year old man who has no business at this high school.
According to Facebook a kid I knew in high school is tragically now just a BMW logo.
Barack and Michelle slow dancing should be televised once a week to remind Americans what love is.
"We're adults now, so please, call us James Eat World."
The plan to arm school principals is great if you think making a sequel to Kindergarten Cop is more important than defending children.
College Degree (never used) #FreeOnCraigslist
Hate to brag about living in "THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD" but I just got to watch a lady eat a pound of coleslaw on a train.
The main ingredient in Monster Energy Drink is you being an asshole.
The cool thing about getting mad about TV shows I like getting "snubbed" by award shows is it means I probably have running water and food.
Obama is currently trying to procure Eddie Murphy's leather jumpsuit from Raw.
Just told my Mom that Rick Ross probably wasn't her "cup of tea, or a cup of tea at all for that matter."
Considering passive aggressively mass texting everyone I know "Thanks, for inviting me to your Barbecue."
I'm troubled you expect the ghost of your dead friend to drink beer off the sidewalk.
Hope my roommates are ok with me filling the apartment with sand, taking peyote and inviting strangers over for Burning Man: Staten Island.
Hey, I just met you and this is crazy but here's my number... 1-877 KARS-4-KIDS!
"Get out of my dreams, get into an easily commutable distance from my apartment or workplace." -Billy Ocean after a DUI
Man hating woman sympathizer. comic/writer/fot/twitterman/sensitive human http://favstar.fm/users/TimDuffy