A woman's loyalty is tested when her man has nothing.. A man's loyalty is tested when he has everything..

Next time a stranger talks to me when I'm alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper "You can see me?"..

The most memorable people in your life will be the ones who loved you when you weren't very lovable.

The first forty years of childhood are always the hardest.

Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.

If you're going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you're just an ass.

Trust the one who can see these 3 things in you: sorrow behind your smile, love behind your anger and meaning behind your silence.

Woman's "I'll be ready in 5 min" is the same as man's "I'll be home in 5 min".

How to kill a spider: get a piece of tissue paper, approach it slowly, and very carefully, burn the house down.

Everyone comes with baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Men talk to women so they can sleep with them. Women sleep with men so they can talk to them.

My top 5 exercises:
-jumping to conclusions
-flying off the handle
-carrying things too far
-dodging responsibilities
-pushing my luck

A smart person knows what to say. A wise person knows whether or not to say it.

Sometimes people don't notice the things we do for them until we stop doing them.

I tried to say no to vodka but it's 40% stronger than me.

Two things define you. Your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything.

Why are there never any good side effects?? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".

Fake people have an image to maintain.

Real people just don't care.

My favorite thing about twitter is this non-verbal respect between followers where u star them & they star u back and yet u've never spoken.