Life is about perspective. For example. The lobsters in the kitchen of the Titanic were ecstatic when it sank.

If a lesbian cock blocks another lesbian, is it called a beaver dam?

I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.

Patience: what you have when there's too many witnesses.

We should open a store called Forever 39. We could sell wine and yoga pants.

Cigarettes are alot like hamsters. Perfectly harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

I don't fart. I whisper in my panties.

So you hate me when i'm drunk? We are even then. I hate you when I'm sober!

I having an out-of-money experience!!

I'd kick you in the vagina, but i'm afraid i would lose my shoe!

$19.99 because $20.00 is an insane amount of money.

Vodka.. because your ugly and I'm horny!!

Eating animal crackers. Again. Damn, they are addicting. Plus I like biting the hineys off and then whispering "u like that..." ;)"

If you bite my lip or neck, you better be taking your clothes off. That's all I'm saying.

True love is letting someone poop while you take a shower.

My door is always open if you ever want to talk about how to get the f*ck out of my office!

I'm all for rude, crude and socially unacceptable today. Anyone with me?

I finally figure out my body type. Its hourglass with extra minutes.

I'm not perfect.. but i'm perfect with what i've got!!!

It's not MY FAULT your balls aren't big enough to handle my personality!!