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Friends: 234
Followers: 1,113
Favs Given: 1,030
Favs Rec'd: 7,590
@TinyJesus' (Tiny Jesus) most faved Tweets...
TinyJesus
Auditioned for Jesus Christ Superstar today. Pretty sure I nailed it.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
Hitmen execute 17 people at Mexican Rehab.

Kids, it's not worth it. Stay on drugs.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
Save yourself. I'm busy.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
The difference between being depressed and dead?
The dead don't go on and on about it.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
Was just told crucifixion is a preexisting condition. WTF?
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
The Lord works in mysterious ways. Also, smoke and mirrors.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
I'm good for the second coming. It's the 4th and 5th time that I'm shooting dust.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
In the Left Behind scenario, all good Christians leave Earth for Heaven, the rest of us to remain here.

I'm not seeing the downside.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
C'mon, you knew I was coming. Let's get you a towel.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
Talking to God. It's just like conversations you had with your father except with more dramatic pauses.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
Show me on me where I touched you.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
Lost another follower. It's always "Who have you risen from the dead lately?" with you people.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
Oh shit. Jonah is telling that fucking fishing story again. Swear that fish gets bigger every time.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
Mom's pissed that my room isn't immaculate.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
Dad always talks in cap locks.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
Levitation. That was mine. Fuck you, David Blaine.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
It's all fun and games till someone loses a soul.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
These are my nails. There are many like them, but the one's driven into me are mine.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
If you actually think I'm going to carry you during that single set of footprints thing, you are high.
@TinyJesus
TinyJesus
Reach inside this robe and tell me there is no God.
@TinyJesus
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