Stoned at 16, lets drive to the city! At 25, let's go to a concert! At 31, let's watch tv! At 43, think I'll fold some laundry.

Is that weed? Yeah, you're going to jail.
Did you collapse the world wide financial market? You did? Well...don't let it happen again.

Right now, millions, nay, billions of people are not thinking about you.

"We didn't start the fire" Oh wait, yes we did. Ok then "let the motherfucker burn" - GOP when speaking about USA economy.

Can some of you post some more cryptic shit that only makes sense if we actually lived inside your head?

Being gay - Not a choice.

Being a religious nut job - Totally a choice.

"Anytime, any place motherfuckers!" - Earthquakes

Does anyone use their cell phone camera for pictures of anything besides themselves standing in front of the bathroom mirror?

If women can walk around with ' Pink' written on their ass, can I walk around with 'Choking Hazard' written on my front?

Christian home schoolers - "Mommy why is ___________?" "Because Jesus made it that way." Repeat ad nauseum.

Man, no one ever said keeping a sex slave would require so much work. Well, live and learn.

Saw "Ghost Whisperer: Complete Series Pack" on DVD on sale at Amazon, then I heard a disconnected whisper "Dude, don't buy that shit"

Some of those good old boy Christuns are gonna be highly disappointed there's no racism in heaven and also that there's no heaven.

...and forgive us our typos as we forgive those who've typoed before us.

I'm not sorry. Last night I was drunk & tweeted some things I absolutely meant. Please, take offense.

Job is keeping me so busy, I hardly have time to get on here and gripe about shit I can't change.

"I'm on Twitter now!" - Things you don't want to hear your mother say.

If I came back 3,000 yrs from now & people were worshipping the ancient 'Jedi' Wouldn't be surpised one fuckin' bit.

Notice how someone in your timeline keeps giving you the finger? You're welcome.

Free birth control pisses of the Right, right? Well then, I guess I'm all for it. Since it leads to fewer people, then hell yeah I'm for it.