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Here's why signing in is good for you.
Interview: "What motivates you?" "Stars." "Stars?" "Yeah, from Twitter." "Oh. What are they used for?" (Long silence followed by sobbing)
Sure, Favstar. I'll pay $30 for your "More" button. The water bill can wait.
My hobbies include accidentally changing the settings on computers, then spending the next 30-45 minutes angrily trying to change them back.
So basically the point of these shows about historical serial killers is that police are fucking idiots, right?
If someone doesn't star a Tweet within 30 seconds of sending Favstar should play the sound of a toilet flushing.
My wife caught me "unfollowing" her in real life today when she was asking me to do stuff. Didn't go over so well.
When life gives you lemons, tell it all the good jokes are taken. Then throw them all at moving cars until gone. (Try not to be seen).
Was curious if "need to stay up late to write shitty jokes to strangers on Twitter" is a legitmate reason to be prescribed adderall?
Will be Tweeting from the Starbucks down the street next Thursday morning if anyone wants to catch me live, first public gig.
Subtweets: Because the tried and true method to resolve conflict with one person is always by sending cryptic messages to the ENTIRE WORLD.
Sat next to a "comedian" at dinner tonight but lost interest when he said he didn't use Twitter. How the hell do you tell your jokes, guy?!
It's been decided. After a long, emotional discussion, my family is demanding that I take a break from Twitter to focus 100% on gambling.
Once you get married you quickly go from 'whispering sweet nothings' to 'screaming nasty everythings' to each other. FYI.
When someone does a long string of Tweets that string together, I like to RT just one random one right in the middle.
