@Tony_E_NC's (Tony) most faved Tweets...
I just don't get Viagra commercials. If an erection lasts more than four hours, my doctor isn't even on the list of people I'll be calling.
I am often impressed at how well my throwing arm works first thing in the morning, when the alarm goes off.
Speaking of boobs, ... Oh, we weren't? Life Lesson: Until you finish dressing, we see your lips moving but can't hear a word you're saying.
Before Twitter, to know your most private thoughts and read things you'd never utter in public, I had to break in & find your diary.
Had I put on my glasses first, I'd not have wasted half a can of Raid this morning, trying to kill an innocent stray coffee bean.
Something about your 4 AM drunk and bitter tweets tells me you went out last night determined to get lucky, and failed.
If I leave the front door cracked & yellow sticky note arrows pointing the way, do you think domino's will to deliver to the bathroom?
Before Twitter, there wasn't a simple, quick, and convenient way, for future perspective employers to summarily disqualify my application.
I refuse to shower/shave on Sunday mornings so when I run out for coffee and smokes, no one mistakenly thinks I am up this early for church.
I don't want to get out of bed just to press the brew button. How tough is it to make a coffee maker with bluetooth? Geez.
Last week I promised a lot of people some really important stuff by today. Had I written any of it down, I'd be working instead of tweeting.
I am pretty sure the dog just woke up, came to find me in the living room, stood next to me just long enough to fart, then went back to bed.
Don't worry if you can't figure out some of the stuff I tweet. When I go back through it, most of it makes little to no sense to me either.
Eww Decaf! I'm gonna need matches, all your pocket lint, and some dried ear wax. No worries. I saw McGuyver do this a hundred times.
The mind sees a day full of glorious possibilities. The body just wants me to take my tired ass back to bed. I hate conflict.
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