For english tweets, press 1.

Size doesn't matter when its true love. Ok, just kidding.

I haven't seen a real cock in so long, my vagina walked up to me and slapped me in the face.

Knowing I made a friend laugh out loud publicly in front of others while reading my tweets is just freaking awesome :)

If it was really one of your favorite tweets, you would retweet it. Don't be half-assed. :)

I like to use an erect cock as a catapult.

I've decided: my happiness is more important than my loyalty to my parents.

What a great April Fool's day joke! I got absolutely no mentions whatsoever! Okay guys, you got me....guys? Guys?

Test to see if a man can hunt deer: make him watch Bambi. If he doesn't sob like a twat, he's good to go.

#ff DO IT. @grizzgriffiths @intoxicatweeted @mike_it_is @sonicdork @hutchmartin @samalmightysam @jayonguitar @manjuggs @bordercoyote

Dear uterus, If it weren't for my desire to have one more child, I'd rip you out myself. Watch yo back. Cuz I might change my mind. Bitch.

My momma told me: Hemorrhoids aren't all they're cracked up to be.

I tried to swype 'tweeting' and autospell put foreskin. Coincidence? Nahhhhh.

I thought back boobs/cleavage was a myth but OH MY GOD IT'S REAL!

Sometimes it's bad to know what a tweeter is like in real life. I'm glad I unfollowed that douchecunt when I did.

If you lick around my nipples counter clockwise and then blow air on them, you can find out who shot J.R.

I'm warning you guys now: I'm horny and feeling sad for myself tonight.

Dear Lord, please keep my tits at bay and my panties up while I go for a run. Thank you baby jesus. -Tootsie

Cover your tender eyes!

@stellartwot @phillynixxx @robsayne @luvpug @_green723 @girltomom @joshingstern @robotthomas I appreciate your follow :)