If at first, second and third you don't succeed, you're me.

A sincere Happy Mother's Day to the stars of Back Door Milf 6.

DKNY all up in my nether eye.

Sure we can cuddle* after sex, baby.

*fart and eat Cheetos

The asset is cleared to take out dudes who refer to their wife as their "bride."

I just BET you're wondering what life would be like without subtweets. Jeez....

Dear Twitter Poets,

Remember when you lacked the self confidence to show the world your "work?" Please return to that time.

Yrs,

Trace

You're all so white. Like lepers and vampires and those creepy-assed black albinos. But white all the same.

Growing up, we had 37 words for "hot cousin."

Somebody stop me. For real. I'm about to kill some fools if y'all don't stop me. #fundaytweet

To errr is human. To forgive inveterate horse shit.

I'm bored. Drown some puppies to amuse me.

My moral compass skews toward baby sitter porn.

I'm gonna pop some zits/Only got twenty blackheads on my nose

I'll take a stab at anything new. That stupid face of yours IS new, right?

Hell hath no fury like me if you touch my Kajagoogoo collection.

So, to summarize: Birth, decades of anal rape, death.

That dump's theme song was "hold on loosely."

Pizza roll night makes me flash back to my acne years.

My '96 Camry would charge your Lexus extra to let it cum in its ass.