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I realise you can't discuss twitter in public. It's like fight club.
People look at you in that 'aren't you a sad geek' way.
Twitter gets good when you realise it's not about following famous people but about following normal* people.
*I use normal very loosely
Is it ok to order someone to ask you out? Then say you'll act surprised when they do and then turn them down?
I don't regret one minute. Never will.
Well maybe that 80s perm.
Bloody Mary. What a cow but she made great cocktails.
Saw a cute dog walking her human this morning. She was so well behaved, the dog had her under complete control.
Is very very pleased didn't vote Mitt in.
I can hear American women breathing a sigh of relief from here.
The 1850s want him back now.
When your boyfriend says 'do you want a hug'? He forgets to add 'in your vagina, with my penis.'
So lady fate puts a witty, kind, intelligent, fun and totally perfect man in front of you. But what's that..... he's married?
I have 3 months to get nice and slim to get into a gorgeous NYE dress.
I need to buy willpower or be locked in a room with just lettuce.
I'll follow you but I'm not starring your tweet.
Thus: drank too much, passed out on sofa, 3 hours sleep, swore not going out Friday
Friday: went to pub, drank shots.
Does anyone else think am I hot tonight or do I have jam on my face?
We lose an hour this weekend with clocks going forward.
Suggestion why don't we lose the hour earlier, say Friday arvo? Makes sense.
Was a bit of a grumpy biatch today. Tomorrow will be sweetness and light.
*unless someone annoys me
Twitter is the place you can say things that you can't anywhere else.
I finally figured it out.
Ok poltergeist said count after lightening: 1 1000, 2 1000, 3 1000. Shit there's a clown !!
Oh brilliant, now I'm spa*ed for saying laptop.
I've got Gangam style on my iPhone. How the, what the fuck?
Damn now everyone on the train is watching me dance.
Famous American singer/song writer and actress, large boobs. No wait that's Dolly Parton. Likes wine. Loves her mum. Has an imaginary dog called Toffee.