I realise you can't discuss twitter in public. It's like fight club.

People look at you in that 'aren't you a sad geek' way.

Twitter gets good when you realise it's not about following famous people but about following normal* people.

*I use normal very loosely

Is it ok to order someone to ask you out? Then say you'll act surprised when they do and then turn them down?

@rhodri a date I had was so bad that when he called afterwards I said I couldn't talk as I was watching Crocodile Dundee.

Bloody Mary. What a cow but she made great cocktails.

Is very very pleased didn't vote Mitt in.

I can hear American women breathing a sigh of relief from here.

The 1850s want him back now.

When your boyfriend says 'do you want a hug'? He forgets to add 'in your vagina, with my penis.'

True story.

So lady fate puts a witty, kind, intelligent, fun and totally perfect man in front of you. But what's that..... he's married?

Bitch.

I have 3 months to get nice and slim to get into a gorgeous NYE dress.

I need to buy willpower or be locked in a room with just lettuce.

Saw a cute dog walking her human this morning. She was so well behaved, the dog had her under complete control.
🐶

I'll follow you but I'm not starring your tweet.

Perv.

Thus: drank too much, passed out on sofa, 3 hours sleep, swore not going out Friday

Friday: went to pub, drank shots.
Shit it!

Does anyone else think am I hot tonight or do I have jam on my face?

We lose an hour this weekend with clocks going forward.

Suggestion why don't we lose the hour earlier, say Friday arvo? Makes sense.

Was a bit of a grumpy biatch today. Tomorrow will be sweetness and light.

Promise*

*unless someone annoys me

Twitter is the place you can say things that you can't anywhere else.

I finally figured it out.

Ok poltergeist said count after lightening: 1 1000, 2 1000, 3 1000. Shit there's a clown !!

Oh brilliant, now I'm spa*ed for saying laptop.



*mm

I have a cold and don't feel like doing anything and yet I'm bored and want to do something.

This shit just got real.

Fact: if your avi is a pic of a cute dog I follow you. Can't resist!