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  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    My Sister is naming her baby Nevaeh because it's Heaven spelled backwards. I said, just name her what she's going to end up being. Tulsa.

    • 2,802
    • FAVS
    michaelw526ShermanPartsDaddyMac595thatgrl12huddrrtntctyspiraled_awayIdStandOnThat__
    • 1,965
    • RETWEETS
    michaelw526fuzzlimegreggorrio_warriorgigglesaliveandthinkinJosh7d2SpazzingHaneemazizkhalifa
    JasonLastnamelawyerthoughtsCaseyMcCollumStellacopterSashaBrennerExploringUrMindiAmDelFreakyShuRa____MELULUTheRealLobot______HormonellaPortRoosterthedailymarkerPaulyPeligrosoDoucheMcBaggusImaFlyontheWallTheFearBoners____SoapyJohnsonStexcyzachreinert03CandyWarholeSteelFontanaLaughingLesbianGeneralGreviousjosephthomasrachiecandiceNot_From_TroyPaul_Rego________skitzoetteKimpulsesKim_pulsiveAmyVansantAllTheUglyTruth_odlanyeRMaxxxNYC__________MajorDickDanger__MisterSnuggl3schristinatheleeTheAdlyCajunKuzin________FunnyInMyHeadImKevinito________
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    Cop: Whose Marijuana is this Ma'am?

    Grandma: Well, since you're holding it, it must be yours motherfucker.

    • 1,455
    • FAVS
    baliska2iTwitFunshkeeberanjadrisch__TheChickWithTheinikoblueJosesLovesYouthrill713
    • 612
    • RETWEETS
    JburkeunlimitedEllani_BelleLegalize_tWEED6JaeMar68CommndrAlxanderMarcusOreallyIlliter8__________AkaCorbinDallas__
    kevnastoTry_Aand_CiCarmel_ColemanGinlicker________notfaizzyClintMartianIts_that_guy_Jpinapl
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    Life is like Hamburger Helper. It sucks, but we get high and think it's awesome.

    • 1,260
    • FAVS
    baliska2jessy_hrdlickamelibuffshkeeberjessilylesTheChickWithThe_Knothead_Nicole39077483
    • 538
    • RETWEETS
    baliska2_Knothead_Nicole39077483DontFuckWithMomthrill713mr_clean85iakim36dfreshc__________
    meagomyeggoJuan_IncognitoGeneralGreviousmissmaynItsMeRyanJones
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    In 1999 my 3 yr old threw a fit because I wouldn’t let him change his name to “Tinky Winky”. Now that he’s 16 and a dick, I wish I would’ve.

    • 1,094
    • FAVS
    baliska2LazyCougarElephartmelibuffshkeeberanjadrisch__TheChickWithTherd522
    • 640
    • RETWEETS
    ElephartImWinning216inikobluexxLauraF23xxdbx997JulezdudeDontFuckWithMomGuido_rockstar
    MoistPorkartemis_ace__claysummers
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    If I a had a nickel for every time my Mom changed Boyfriends, I would put them all in a sock and beat her whore ass with them.

    • 1,231
    • FAVS
    baliska2YourmomisdirtyTimmyJenGeorgeScumbagtheshainabear____kampat04earthboy_oldblackmansays
    • 295
    • RETWEETS
    baliska2GajniKant_oldblackmansaysDukEB51shkeeberDontFuckWithMomangelamweberIlliter8__________
    Haute_MILFIts_that_guy_JtigersgoroooarNoSugarNuts
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    Sometimes, when I'm bored, I unfriend Grandma on Facebook just to get a bunch of bullshit started.

    • 1,037
    • FAVS
    baliska2Elephartshkeeberanjadrisch__HiddleDeeDeeDontFuckWithMomGintnerBethPhinallyHere
    • 437
    • RETWEETS
    audioslave3476DontFuckWithMomPhinallyHereLizzyMa1988______missymmkayThisBlondeLifethrill713Sean_Burgundy_
    shesananteaterRuns_WildlittlekitnerboyUnicornBaxShock_Monster__kelkulus
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    It’s so funny when the new guy in the bar dedicates a karaoke song to the whore we’ve all banged.

    • 876
    • FAVS
    baliska2PastorTicklesElephartshkeeberTheChickWithTheJosesLovesYoudangerousd111thrill713
    • 314
    • RETWEETS
    baliska2thrill713Illiter8__________pieholeSoCoolHollywoodDiana_Spindler__Barbara8senMommaWearsHeels__
    SaraESpiveyslyoung51kueldad
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    Grandma broke the Wii controller this morning when "Reefer" was not the correct Family Fued answer to "Things you put in plastic bags."

    • 935
    • FAVS
    TheChickWithTheJosesLovesYouthrill713beccafacexoallisulliBeeny87shesananteaterGaben8tr__________
    • 250
    • RETWEETS
    thrill713Illiter8__________Johnny0nTheSpottupacasnackthe_couch_guy____TMRoysgen_8675309______airsickk
    Runs_WildBlazedDonuts______FadeAway2ClassicMegan
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    When you wake up outside naked on a slip&slide at 6 a.m., somewhere along the line you must have zigged where you shoulda zagged.

    • 793
    • FAVS
    shkeeberJosesLovesYouthrill713allisullishesananteaterYaGonnaEatThatslotjunkieroseTheAlexNevil
    • 246
    • RETWEETS
    Illiter8__________sarcasm_incjru918bramburrSugga_ShaddyGreatEloquencyvivaciousfaithOBiiieeee
    ashley_barnhillhappygodrinkjeff_ratfamily____TexasChiquitaTheiHEARTbeer
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    Once I burned my Trailer down when I left a candle burning after a romantic date. To keep my street cred, I claimed it was a meth explosion.

    • 811
    • FAVS
    shkeeberJosesLovesYouthrill713einsteinsexualallisulli_MrsBlueBird_shesananteaterlawyerthoughts
    • 186
    • RETWEETS
    thrill713Illiter8__________TheAlexNevilsarcasm_inc57thStateTweetrSamePageDifDayJenny4ashleysweetdreamer77____
    C_J_Commode______AwhDiddyTweetscolewagonerdeede311__________
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    "YOU'RE THE BEST UNCLE EVER!" My 9 yr old niece when she saw me sitting on the curb at 7am and thought I was there to see her off to school.

    • 792
    • FAVS
    ElephartshkeeberkathybotteasJosesLovesYouThisBlondeLifeNickyMerlinothrill713einsteinsexual
    • 182
    • RETWEETS
    Elephartthrill713Illiter8__________shesananteaterthe_couch_guy____slotjunkieroseTheAlexNevil57thStateTweetr
    bouncerface______jferg1616NottaBigDeal
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    Grandma: Let's read the Bible!

    Me: Do what?

    Grandma: Now that I've got your attention, pass that joint you silly fucker.

    • 776
    • FAVS
    baliska2shkeeberNaradee12SkepticalSmokerJay1972Jayooforth__thistletat13MandaLynn314
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    baliska2ElephartNaradee12SkepticalSmokerwiryframesthistletat13JakeDuarte43mikemundzy
    WizardOfRonBlazedDonuts______Its_that_guy_J_amandajeanne
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    Trying to get laid by a slobbering drunk chick is like getting ketchup from a Drive-Thru. You assume it's in the bag, but it seldom is.

    • 678
    • FAVS
    ElephartshkeeberJosesLovesYouthrill713einsteinsexualallisullilaceysupasamJjkinky49Jeff
    • 201
    • RETWEETS
    thrill713Jjkinky49JeffIlliter8__________TheBeerGuy7357thStateTweetrJenny4ashleyFormerGrunt______HICKSONHOTNESS
    FadeAway2joelebeanNotJPomarebytes
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    There's nothing like pressure washing a Taco Bell parking lot at 7:00 am to remind you that you'll never date a Super Model.

    • 708
    • FAVS
    shkeeberJosesLovesYouthrill713einsteinsexualihatethatmoreBDGarpallisulliPeteypops13
    • 147
    • RETWEETS
    thrill713allisulliPeteypops13Illiter8__________FroggieChikkSamiNichole22satiricalterrorkatspaks
    letsgetgizzySuMacDanblueshellsd______
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    Three things I love:

    1. A first kiss

    2. Making love on a beach

    3. Grandma in a robe yelling, “Fuck you Barbara! Those are MY flamingos!”

    • 624
    • FAVS
    ElephartshkeeberkathybotteasTDeeRockthrill713einsteinsexualallisullipiplips
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    thrill713slotjunkieroseAlessandra__456SharonAlvaresjacquelyn_tLousyBastardlivingnBostonLipglosslesbo
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    A true Hero often overlooked is the Spouse of a Veteran, who comfort them in the middle of the night when they wake terrified and screaming.

    • 575
    • FAVS
    Elephartshkeeberfierylilhandfulverifiedjayy__JosesLovesYouthrill713einsteinsexualallisulli
    • 229
    • RETWEETS
    verifiedjayy__slotjunkieroseJenny4ashleybkuyk9KittiParker______snapperdoo________VerifiedJayy______Happy2BHeather
    VerifiedJayy______honeybadgerMelJanuaryJamesTOOLLover1SolelyBBonerfiedtwitVerifiedDrunk
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    Walking into a jail cell is like walking into a car dealership. The first dude you meet seems cool, but really, he just wants to fuck you.

    • 575
    • FAVS
    ElephartshkeebershesananteaterDontFuckWithMomdoccy_style______verifiedjayy__JosesLovesYouthrill713
    • 225
    • RETWEETS
    DontFuckWithMomverifiedjayy__thrill713Habbibtiburtchybitch______Blarebaresarcasm_inccrazyroadlizard__
    iamkevinday______
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    I'm a man. If you disrespect my lady I'll sprint through a yard full of boards and rusty nails, barefooted, just to stomp your coward ass.

    • 550
    • FAVS
    ElephartshkeebershesananteaterJosesLovesYouthrill713einsteinsexualallisulliTipTopBean
    • 236
    • RETWEETS
    Illiter8__________naomifrenzelsamantha_the_osahoytheboat______WizardOfRonJenny4ashleyVerifiedJayy______Happy2BHeather
    ANastyGorilla
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    The gay Pharmacist at CVS has the hots for me. My heterosexuality and my pain pill addiction are in a huge tug of war right now.

    • 625
    • FAVS
    PastorTicklesElephartshkeeberTheChickWithTheshesananteaterJosesLovesYouihuffpaintdangerousd111
    • 154
    • RETWEETS
    thrill713Illiter8__________dreamthievinurekasgoldDecapitatedBee____hidingfrommehereholddeezKizerBillhelm
    kevnastoJimmyTheThingmeaculpau27
  • TraylorParker
      Traylor Parker @TraylorParker

    Now that I'm sober, the fact Grandma actually HAD a rubber when I burst into her room and asked her for one last night is pretty disturbing.

    • 654
    • FAVS
    thefighter_shkeebershesananteaterAmberC138TDeeRockJosesLovesYouthrill713einsteinsexual
    • 114
    • RETWEETS
    thrill713enragedpaigeallisulliIlliter8__________piplipsAineAnisa__sarcasm_incdreamthievin
    fullblowndaveFunnyInMyHead
@TraylorParker

@TraylorParker

King of the Trailer Park http://t.co/7tCEDnX8PI