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You're the yard sale of people.
Show me on your burqa where the dirty Jew touched you
There's always someone very willing to piss on your parade.
"Sometimes a cigar is just a catalyst for head-and-neck cancer." - right around the time Freud stopped getting invited to cocktail parties
Katy Perry in a Clueless musical would be like someone putting cilantro in a delicious burrito I ordered
"Give me a shout out when you win something, even though you did all the work." -- God
You aren't hot enough to be a catfish
There's not enough dead bodies in heavy metal music videos.
he died doing what he loved, getting beaten to death.
I had a nightmare last night about all the delicious food I was missing out on while I was asleep.
Of course I rear ended you I was sending out a tweet.
Just paid $8 for a 1.6 oz size deodorant. Maybe I'll just smell from now on.
*unprompted & out loud* I MADE THAT HAPPEN W/MY MIND.
85% water, 100% broke
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - NIGHT
LinkedIn's founder is near death. He takes wife's hand.
"Did...Dan Ewen ever respond to his invitation to join?"
I'm taking teenage girls to the mall, I explain as I fill my truck bed with booze and ammo.
I broke a sweat just thinking about going to the gym so fuck it…I'm counting it.
I've had two boob jobs. By boob jobs, I mean my two breastfed children.
King of the Trailer Park http://www.youtube.com/traylorparker