Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
*Sir, please step away from the notifications and put your hands above your head*
I love starting biker bar brawls by walking up to the dude at the urinal with a ponytail and yelling " BITCHES LOVE THEIR HAIR PULLED!"
Thanks for the cup!
-your mom's saggy tits
Twitter: Logged On!
Self-Destructive Behavior: Engaged!
People will judge you even when they know nothing about you.
It's one less person you'll have to be polite to.
It's a burden, but somebody has to ruin your life.
There are no cameras in the break room and we're planning on getting a new couch in case anyone needs a spot to film a porno.
LOL @ new couples holding their farts in.
I want to be so rich that I have decorative toilet paper.
Nothing says bullshit like pretty much anything written on the inside of a greeting card.
If I had a magic wand I'd probably use it to stab people.
I only stay married so I don't have to get the Christmas decorations down from the attic.
I want to destroy something, other than my life.
Twitter account trading cards, but with tabs of acid instead of gum.
Women aren’t smarter than men, they’re just more creative
….And have a vagina
Yep, creative and a vagina
*signs over check
Hey I'm competing in the 2014 Carolina's Funniest Comic competition.
First round is Sat Jan 4.
Come vote for me: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/carolinas-funniest-comic-tickets-9304354575?nomo=1 …
When I see women playing sports I’m reminded of how shitty women are at playing sports.
How much of a Christmas bonus should you give your henchmen?
King of the Trailer Park http://www.youtube.com/traylorparker