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It's actually possible to be sexy, witty, and social AND still be treated like a lady. Some of us do respond best to being respected. #true
I only pee in the shower because that's where I store my jellyfish.
People that expect you to not have feelings probably don't have any themselves. Well, for you anyway.
I hate it when you drive your Chevy to the levy, and it's completely dry. What a waste of a levy trip. But then, you just eat pie instead.
Someone needs to invent babies that have cries that only their parents can hear.
Whisper tweet nothings into my ear.
How to DIY romance: 1. Put on something pretty 2. Buy yourself some flowers 3. Make yourself a tasty dinner 4. Get drunk 5. Go fuck yourself
I'm so god at typos.
I'm not tweeting right now.
Not now either.
Taking a three month break from twitter is kinda like running away when your 8 years old. No one notices or cares!
I wanna build a diorama depicting the band Bananarama...using only band-aids, bananas, and bandanas.
I think I'm giving up on dating. Apparently if u have kids, the dating pool shrinks by 85%. So, I guess I'm gonna need lots of cats now.
Being broke, hungry, and no sex is the worst threesome ever.
I love it when u wake up after having a crappy emotional day & u can say,"Ah! Now I get it...well played, Uterus, well played." #laundryday
People are like onions.
They make me cry when I cut them.
My iPhone weather app forecast says no chance of sex for the next 7 days with a high possibility of cuddles.
Until I lose 25lbs, I'm referring to all of my pantyhose as "sausage casings." Carry on.
General feeling of hopelessness.
I think I peaked in 2006.
I'm pretty sure all of my favorite women are on twitter. Why can I meet women like this in real life? It baffles me.
So many inspirational quotes & selfies it'll make your head explode. Line crosser, sock wearer, former muse, & loving nihilist http://favstar.fm/users/Trazer_
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