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It's actually possible to be sexy, witty, and social AND still be treated like a lady. Some of us do respond best to being respected. #true
I only pee in the shower because that's where I store my jellyfish.
People that expect you to not have feelings probably don't have any themselves. Well, for you anyway.
I hate it when you drive your Chevy to the levy, and it's completely dry. What a waste of a levy trip. But then, you just eat pie instead.
I think I'm giving up on dating. Apparently if u have kids, the dating pool shrinks by 85%. So, I guess I'm gonna need lots of cats now.
People are like onions.
They make me cry when I cut them.
I wanna build a diorama depicting the band Bananarama...using only band-aids, bananas, and bandanas.
This tweet is very important.
I hate to hate, but I hate it. Because you fucked it up.
Also...the road less traveled is my sexy bitch.
I want to make homemade cream of chicken soup, but I can't seem to find any rooster porn.
I'm going to start stealing my own tweets.
Retweets are forever, chose wisely.
Oh llama so tender & kind, u r clever & have a furry behind. From your wool we could make a sweater, who could have a friend that is better?
Okay, that's all I've got for the ten people listening. Switching from tweets to WWF. Bye y'all.
It's safe to assume that the people who live in houses with ramps up to the front door are probably midgets who drive tiny cars.
The most literal show I've been to was the violent femmes, where my bf got punched in the face by a girl.
Going to a strip club is like being hungry, so you go to an amazing restaurant but you pay to just look at the food. I don't get it.
I'm so sappy today you could tap me and get maple syrup. Wait...does that mean I'm Canadian?
I'm putting away IG and switching to subtweets. My own thoughts are getting old.