Jumping on the trampoline but keeping your hands in your pockets cus you wanna look casual

Oh right, a GRAVITY bong. Yeah Isaac fucking Newton invented weed. Oh OKAY, Professor Smarty Pants, you know-it-all piece of shit

I blew a .08 last night. If you do the math that's like the 5th ugliest man in the world, but I was horny for the dick

If you are riding a Razor scooter through a college campus, you can expect nothing less than for Me to high-five the fuck out of you

In Haiti a boy asked me if 50 Cent was a king in America and I said yes

C:/Love/Marriage/BabyInTheBabyCarriage

doe, a deer, a flaming corpse

*Plunges sword deep into heart of Hamburger Helper* "The fuck you think I am pussy? It literally says non-perishable right on the box..."

dude ur sister is so hot
dude ur sister looks just like u
dude I had no idea that was just a wig
dude put it back on
dude lets get married

People talk about college as if it were some kind of huge party-fest.. I haven’t seen a single Bouncy Castle since I’ve been here. Not one.

#10TurnOns Warm milk, receiving holy communion, hampster in my butt

Excuse me sir, this is a library... Please take your Beyblades elsewhere...

son its not that we're too poor to pay for college, its that we dont believe in you

*graduates high school* welp off into the real world *graduates college* welp off into the real world *dies* welp off into the real world

RT if you have 8 legs or just know of any spiders that are cool

isn’t real. nope. doesn’t exist. pic.twitter.com/6ETv50Lp

there are 3 universes: irl , twitter , and club penguin

You are cleaning your basement and you find your long-lost grandmother #auspiciousevents

sick as a dog. and we all know how fuckin sick dogs are

@cakemittens i had my headphones in and volume on loud so i clicked and now my hears hurt to the tune of KEGEL EXERCISE!!!!!!!!