Apparently I'm Facebook friends with someone who updates with things like 'Amazing bikram session!'. Fucking help me.

http://t.co/g0XklCYm - this is all you need this afternoon.

I just got retweeted by a cheese.

Anyone else find these *incredibly* disturbing: http://t.co/8V0BzmVC ?

I assume you all already follow @hrtbps for his hilarious retweets, right?

@ketherbound @kateisaginga @luckystubbs @leedspirate Ooh.. I refused a crumpet this morning. Am I excommunicated? :|

@_cantus My sparrow approves of your sparrow:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/treesantos/5849142331/in/set-72157594179669025 …

Twitter, I present the type of messages my friend Suzanne sends me
http://t.co/PX4FguA1

@caspararemi I refused to cry at ANYTHING during the Olympics, but I've almost cried about 392 times during the Paralympics :|

@ketherbound Mauritian fruit shark - lives in the puddles found under mango trees.

Oh *HI* Ratatouille, the snowboarding opposum - http://t.co/97GtBNTL

@futilerage There is no real reason for this except somehow it makes me better than you: http://t.co/Y2933008 :P

In case anyone isn't bored of my Northern Lights and didn't see this last night :D - http://t.co/8WvbN9px

@eatyrghost that should read 'Eva's butt and the blossom'

@thoughtcat  http://compare.ebay.co.uk/like/400408929173?var=lv&ltyp=AllFixedPriceItemTypes&var=sbar&_lwgsi=y&cbt=y&device=c&adtype=pla&crdt=0&ff3=1&ff11=ICEP3.0.0&ff12=67&ff13=80&ff14=63 … ?

@thoughtcat get a converter? :p

@thoughtcat nd don't throw them away.. can you ask her if she wants them? Or if she has children/someone else who might?

@thoughtcat scan them

@thoughtcat what?! :P (I remember a boy writing me a letter, dropping egg yolk on it by accident and making it into feature)

@thoughtcat please do online dating, emo :P